Jacquelyn's Space

Fat Tuesday = tea and paczki:

Fat Tuesday = gluttony

More tea and paczki:

And now a cutesy poem:

Fat Tuesday = tea and paczki.
Fat Tuesday = gluttony,
More tea and paczki.
Now I am all powdery 😉

*

My diet starts tomorrow, ha.

It is a damn shame to be this uninspired. I took 3 literature classes this semester…in only one class–adolescent literature– have I enjoyed the books. Ha, what does that say about my reading tastes?

I took an Modern American Novel class– so far the books have been somewhat boring, or I am uninspired to write about them. Nothing much to write about, at least nothing original. For this class I have read: The Awakening (eh, this was probably the most satisfying read but I didn’t care for the protagonist– too cold), The Sun Also Rises (eh, boring though I like Hemingway’s descriptions of Spain– not much to the characters or story), The Sound and the Fury (I did not finish it yet– crunched for time…kind of an unpleasant read but it may be the most interesting thus far), and The Crying of Lot 49 (I have read this one before and still don’t know what to make of it– it reads like an acid trip…and perhaps that is its only value? IDK, I just know I am not into books in which the sole purpose is to play with readers minds). Next I am to read Ragtime…we’ll see if this one is any better than the rest.

The only thing definitive thing I have learned from taking the class is I now realize why I like to read more British Literature, and pre-modern lit at that… nothing beyond the twentieth century.

I took an Irish Literature class for something different. Two of the 4 authors I have read– boring…or the novels were hard to get through without much of a point. The last book, The Infinities— UGH! I don’t even know what to say about it. The other two authors– we read many short stories of William Trevor — these were alright but I prefer novels. The other somewhat enjoyable read was Roddy Doyle’s The Commitments…entertaining but not much to write about. It was very obvious…nothing much to sink my teeth into in any of the readings thus far.

Ho hum. It sucks being this uninspired. It depresses me. It makes me think I am not cut out for the academic world. It makes me long for good old Shakespeare…

That is how I feel lately. I just want it to be me and my husband again– nobody else. I don’t think it is just the usual yearning for hibernation I go through every year around this time. I am just truly sick of doing for others and getting shit on in return. Perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself. Truly, I want to help others but I want to do it on my terms– I am sick of helping others that feel entitled to my help. It seems like anything I do is never enough for people like that (entitled), or I get blamed for them needing help in the first place–like I am the one that fucked up their life, made their poor choices for them, or led them down the wrong path.

It isn’t only that though. I want to get going full force on my dreams and I can’t do it when I am caring for or ‘helping’ others. Not right now. I need to get myself back. I want to concentrate on me and my husband– what we want for our future. I don’t care about the rest…well, I really can’t say that. I just don’t want to care anymore. I have very little left. It is time I start putting myself first, or me and my husband.

Sad but true. I know it by experience.

Yay! I am officially on break! I also took the week off work. Not that it matters much– I only work 2 days a week. But I can relax a bit (in-between the appointments I have scheduled…GRR) and maybe catch up on my reading, homework, and housework. Maybe I’ll even get to write for fun…just a bit.

I have been in a funk lately– what else is new? I am burnt out on school. I don’t want to write the papers for the classes I am taking…too boring. I don’t think I am in the right program…I either want a MFA (so I can concentrate on my creative writing) or I want to start working on an advanced degree in social work or psychology so I can be a mental health counselor.

I suppose I am sick of my life, my goals, being in limbo. I want to be on a clearer path toward my goals…thus far I have been on the scenic route, along with a few detours.