Jacquelyn's Space

So another year draws to a close. It was an okay year. I worked a lot. That’s what I remember from the year–working and going on trips.

Our first big trip was a drive out to Nebraska to go to our nephew’s graduation. The drive was something–12 hours across country, well mostly Iowa. Ha! We saw family, that was as sweet as always, plus there was some drama too… Just can’t have a family outing/get together without some kind of drama. It all turned out okay in the end. The highlights of my trip were spending time in the pool with my grand-neice Nevaeh and grand-nephew Carson. I love pool time!! Especially with kids. Then on the way back my husband and I stopped at a state park in Illinois, Starved Rock, and did some exploring. We want to go back because it was a very pretty area.

My husband and I vacationed in Kentucky with family in July. It was fun. I spent most of my time with Nevaeh doing girly things like playing baby dolls, coloring, and doing fashion plates. We also went to the water park a couple of times. Yay! More pool time. I tried kayaking for the first time and I really enjoyed it though I don’t much care for the water in Kentucky’s lakes and rivers. Very muddy. In addition to playing with my niece, another favorite part of the trip was visiting Mammoth Cave. I had been before when I was a teen and it was awesome to go back and see more of it. I still want to go back and see more. There are hundreds of miles of cave(s) to explore. We went a day with family, did 2 cave tours, then went back on our way home. We spent the night in a cabin at the National park and did 2 more cave tours. The damn tours get booked up so fast we had to take what we could get but it was all interesting. I want to plan out a trip and book some tours far in advance. I want to go back! I’d have to say that Kentucky is probably my second favorite state after Michigan.

Of course, me and my husband did our annual bridge walk trip. We walked the Mackinac Bridge for the 9th year in a row. We camped at Straits State Park for about a week. The weather wasn’t the greatest. I really wanted to get to the beach but it was too cold. We hung out in Sault Ste Marie for a day, watching freighters go through the locks, but basically relaxed around camp this year. We have a new tent–a dark room tent–and a new kitchen tent and stand so camp was much more comfortable. We just packed so much stuff! We really need a bigger vehicle…and maybe a camper. Yeah, that’d be nice. We had to pack up in a gale. That wasn’t the greatest but we survived.

Finally, we took a fall trip to Mackinac Island. We stayed at our second favorite hotel on the Island, our home away from home, The Murray. We hung out in their spa pool. We hiked. We hung out in the spa pool. Basically, I couldn’t wait to get into that spa pool. That is another thing I want, a spa pool…or a spa…or a pool. But then I’d never want to leave home so maybe it’s okay that I don’t have one.

What else happened this year? Nothing much good other than work and the trips we took. We survived what life threw at us: a friend committed suicide (it was a terrible shock), I was told I need a hysterectomy (because of fibroid tumors), my mom had a stroke, my husband had chest pain and had to have a heart cath (which went well)… we survived, we survive.

My husband calls it my spidey sense. I just get this feelings about things that turn out to be correct. Sometime it is a little more than a feeling, a flash of the future, or
“something” deep inside speaks to me. It is hard to tell if it is just me, worrying, or the “something” that premonition voice. It is usually after the fact that I realize the VOICE has spoken–it wasn’t just me.

It happened this week past. I was on the road. I think it may have been Thursday when I was on the road to Wellbridge in Fenton, MI. I brushed it off, as I usually do. Now that I think of it more and place myself back into that moment, I think it was then that “something” spoke to me…

I had forgotten about it because I’ve been so busy with work and so exhausted.

I was thinking about my mom’s birthday, which was Saturday. I was thinking about sending a card. “Something” told me, “Something bad is going to happen on Saturday.” That is all I got. I dismissed it, thinking I was full of shit. The date was of no great significance that I could think of, not like 9-11 anyway. I dismissed it.

Then the shootings happened. I didn’t think about what “something” told me until today. And then, I think there was a clue.

I take Grange Hall Road to Fenton. Of Grange Hall there is a road called El Paso. Every time I pass by it and think that is an odd name for a rural road in Holly.

All I can do it just shake my head and tell myself I’m crazy.

But am I crazy for think I get some kind of signals…premonitions?

Or am I crazy for dismissing them?

Ugh. I’ve done nada. Well, I am eating less most of the time. I think I lost a few pounds but nothing earth shattering. I have less energy now than when I wrote out my goals. I’ve been working as much as I can but that’s about it. The Cymbalta medication has not helped me. I guess it was supposed to energize me. It hasn’t. So now they are trying me on a lower dose of Cymbalta plus Wellbutrin. Yay. I haven’t started yet because I am not all that excited about it. I have been having crazy dreams lately–not sure what medication is doing that (seems to happen when I take an Ibuprofen 800 before bed) but I think Wellbutrin causes vivid dreams too. And my doctor wants to do a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea. Ugh. Fun. I don’t think I have sleep apnea, I just have some nerve and pain issues (hips and knees, primarily) that wake me up. Not to mention a needy kitty that jumps on us in the night and tries to wake us up too early in the morning.

So yeah, just been working…I love my job, hate the pay. I really need to get serious about finding a better job and put my degrees to work. I need a job with better pay and better benefits (for me and my husband).  All these damn health problems cost money. I don’t have the coverage for all these issues. The only thing I am happy about regarding my health insurance is my prescription coverage.

I keep keeping on though. I’ll keep working at it.

Get in better physical shape

Get healthy

Eat healthier, eat less

Lose weight

Finish my Master’s

Find a better paying job

Write more

Work on selling some short stories

Work on freelance writing

Yeah, I haven’t been here in a while. Yeah, I’m going to write the same old shit. I need to start writing more. I need the practice and I need to get into the habit. I want to do some freelance work to make some extra money. I need to make more money and I’d rather make money doing something I love and am interested in rather than take a job I hate. I love my current job–never been happier in a job, really–but I don’t make enough. Plus, I am too out of shape to do anything that requires me to stand on my feet for long periods of time so that rules out many kinds of work. So I’d like to sell some stories or articles if I could only find my niche.

That’s where I am at right now.

The only other work I can think of doing, that would utilize the degrees I hold right now and would offer good benefits and pay, would be really depressing and stressful. I am not sure I am up for it. I am going to apply for the work, for the job, but if I get it, it will be a major adjustment. I will really have to take care of myself, mentally…well, physically too. Yeah, I can use some work on both now…but the job I am thinking of applying for will be TOUGH. Many people who do it get burned out quick. I need a job, or a career, rather, that is going to last some years.

I have to get my ass in gear. As always, there is plenty of work to be done and I feel like I am running near empty most of the time, and running to catch up. Agh! Life!