Jacquelyn's Space

Just Dance, Sunday September 18, 2011

My Mom and Dad live close by – about 5 miles. Lately my Mom has been going through a midlife crisis of sorts even though she is 61 now (I can’t believe it!). My Mom wants more attention from my Dad and my Dad has always been a workaholic. Daddy always worked – 7 days a week most of the time, all OT he could pick up. My Dad recently retired from GM but still works a lot for my brother’s home improvement business (actually Daddy put a lot into that business – to me it should be his). So he is still working his ass off. They really have little social life outside of us kids (I have one brother) and family. My Mom is chronically ill with many health issues – IBS, perhaps MS (doctors aren’t sure), and lots more other stuff. My Mom gets mad at my Dad because he doesn’t spend enough time with her, doesn’t do the things she wants to do.

My brother – he takes advantage. He brought his girlfriend to live with them many years ago, and so they have lived with my parents off and on for more than 10 years now plus adding 3 kids (my three nephews ages 7, 5, and 4 – there was a baby girl but she died this past spring) and 2 dogs along the way. As I mentioned, my Dad helped my brother start his business, and then get a house which he and his family have yet to move into because it needs some improvement (the house was bought about 2 years ago now). This situation has made it stressful for my parents and keeps them from doing things they enjoy and spending time with each other – Daddy is always working and helping my brother, my Mom is always watching or helping (with) the kids or cooking dinner for everyone.

Well my Mom gets unhappy with it all. She called me up last night to see what I was doing. I wasn’t doing much, perhaps a half-hearted attempt at schoolwork or watching TV with the husband. She wanted to go dancing but of course Daddy doesn’t – he hates dancing. He says he can’t dance. I don’t know. Well, she wants to go dancing and isn’t happy. I don’t know where to go dancing at and what kind of place would play the kind of music she likes to dance to. I imagine it is the moldy oldies, ha. Well the stuff from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Now I could handle the 70s – I like to dance to something funky but I usually have to get drunk first.

Bing – Light bulb flash!! I have an idea. I ask her if she wants to come over and play on the Wii with me. ‘Do you want to come over and play?’ – LOL. I have a game called Just Dance 2 (plus the first one, and Just Dance Summer Dance Party. I bought and hadn’t had the time to play them yet- they were even still unopened). You look at the dancers on the screen and follow their movement while you hold the wii controller – it scores how well you follow the dancers. There is all kinds of music on these games – some new, some old. I told her she could come over and play Just Dance.

My mom came over and we played Just Dance. Whew, it kicked my butt (I bought them for the exercise – I am not much of a coordinated dancer, can’t follow the moves very well) though it was really fun. I wasn’t sure if my Mom would like it but she had a blast and we were both giggling. My husband sat on the couch and watched us (yikes!) and the dog got in our way but we still had a good time. Yay! I was happy that my Mom got to do something she wanted, well kind of something she wanted, and that she was happy too. Who knew we could have that much fun together playing a silly game.

***

I have a suprise for my Mom. While playing Just Dance she kept wishing there was some Michael Jackson music to dance to. I am not all that crazy about MJ but there is a Michael Jackson game – one of my friends has it (she even has the one sequined glove too, LOL). I ordered it for my Mom, plus the new Just Dance 3. Can’t wait until I have some free time to present to her and dance.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

After a lovely evening on Mackinac Island we had a beautiful day. We had breakfast at the Grand (steak, yummy! Breakfast was better than dinner) then enjoyed the porch for a while. I sat and read for school (Virginia Woolf, The Voyage Out, ha) wishing I could live at the Grand. Then we hiked the island.

We started out on the west bluff, admiring the great houses that overlook the Straits and the Bridge. What wonderful views they have, and wonderful gardens. At the end of West Bluff Rd there is one of my favorite trails – Pontiac Trail, which runs narrowly along the west bluff and out to a small neighborhood with large hedgerows as fences. From there we went searching for the spot called Lover’s Leap. It was nothing too special, an outcropping of rock on the bluff, which became overgrown with shrub through the years. We actually had passed by it many times and thought it was private property but it is on a piece of State Park land that is between the private property. The spot seems forgotten.

From there we went to find Sunset Rock. Someone had told us it was behind the Inn at Stonecliffe. We had never been back there so it was an adventure. The Inn looks like something out of a storybook – they (the website) call it Edwardian style but to me it looks Tudor or Elizabethan. Though it is close to the west bluff it seems far from everything on the island – secluded. We had to go behind the Inn to find the trail to Sunset Rock. The map for that part of the island is not really good so it was hard to find the trail back on to State land (we were afraid of trespassing ) after a couple of wrong turns we found Sunset Rock and it was worth the trouble of getting there. Sunset Rock is on a cliff that juts out of the forest and has panoramic views of the Straits, the Bridge, and the Upper Peninsula. Yay, I am glad we finally searched it out and I will come back to watch the sunset from there; perhaps stay at the Inn at Stonecliffe.

After we found the Rock we hiked it back to British Landing then walked on through the middle of the island just enjoying the day and nature. We passed the cemeteries and I remembered the time in 2008 when we passed by on a carriage ride and I caught a chill. I hoped that didn’t happen this time because in 2008, after the carriage ride and the chill, I got sick. My stomach started to hurt, then my lower back, which made it hard for me to lift my feet and walk. Then I got really cold. My husband and I had to stop and rest on a stone bench in the sun so I could get warm. We actually left the island a little early that trip and I barely made the drive home I was so sick and feverish. I don’t know why but I always associate that illness to passing by the cemetery. I was diagnosed with a stomach parasite a couple of months later – not sure if I got in on the island or what but to me the events are linked. We passed by the cemetery without incident this year.

It was getting later, close to time to think about catching a ferry. I started to get anxious. I thought we were mistaken about when the last ferry was leaving that night. We looked at the ferry schedule and ascertained it would leave at 9pm, which is really late for this time of the year. Even though we had looked at the ferry schedule a few times got the same result I was still anxious, thinking we were going to miss our ferry. I usually get melancholy when I know I have to leave the island so I thought the anxiety was part of not wanting to leave. I felt like something bad was going to happen.

We did make the ferry. My anxiety dissipated but I was sad to leave the island. The moon was full and shone on the Lake. It was another beautiful night. I don’t remember ever crossing the Straits in the dark so this was something new. I tried to snap pictures but of course most did not turn out. When we got back to the mainland the boat dock was deserted. Our luggage was not at the baggage claim! We did track it down at the office but I was anxious again.

We hopped on I-75 for the trip home. I was just anxious to get home but also wanted to keep an eye on my speed. I couldn’t wait to get home and relax. I thought about how great the trip was. I thought about the house I thought was haunted. I had a dark vision of a  scary couple – kind of like the American Gothic painting but darker, evil. Did they belong to that house? I thought something was in our back seat. Nothing back there – don’t be silly. I just had this darkness hovering over me for a bit. I attributed it to my fatigue and anxiety. I pushed it away.

I was doing about 68mph.

 The road is dark even with a full moon. I look down to check my speed – still okay. I look up and there is something in the roadway! It was right in the middle of the lane and I didn’t have time to swerve – it was too big and too close for just a little swerve. I decide to run it over rather than go crazy all over the road. I had learned that the hard way many, many years ago. It, whatever it is, makes a heavy clunk as we run it over. Then another clunk as it hits the bottom of the car. Panic – did it damage the car? What is that smell?

Ugh, I smelled radiator fluid.

My husband tells me to keep an eye on the temperature. I switch over to the temperature gauge and sure enough the car was getting hotter. I really start to panic then. What should I do, I don’t really want to pull over to the side of the freeway in the middle of nowhere. Where is the next exit? What was the last exit?

I drive slowly for about a mile, maybe two and find an exit. I get off the freeway as my car goes into ‘cooling mode’ and the fan comes on making a clattering racket. Ugh! I pull into the gas station, the only thing around and turn off the car. It is still making that clattering noise. My husband jumps out of the car and looks underneath. I start pulling stuff out of the car in case it catches on fire. He can’t really see much, he is panicky too. He doesn’t know much about fixing cars (he doesn’t drive, never has due to an eyesight problem). He comes up from under the car and yells for me to turn the car off. It is off!! – I tell him. Oh no, my poor car, I hope it is not too damaged – the engine! I hope it is not going to catch on fire! Where are we? How are we going to get home? How are we going to get the car fixed? Oh no, oh no, oh no… The only thing I can think to do is call my Dad. It is around midnight. “Dad we need help!” and I briefly tell him what happened and that the car is making a funny noise and won’t stop. My Dad says it is probably the fan and will stop eventually. While I am talking to him I go into the gas station and ask the clerk where we are – Standish. Too far from home. I go back out and the noise from the car had stopped.

I make arrangements with my Dad for him to come and get us. Then me and my husband wait. I sit outside the car for a while in a chair we had in the trunk. I try to read for school but I am pissed and the night is lonely in the middle of nowhere, the wind is haunting. I thought about that haunted house and the scary vision I had while driving. I wondered what the fuck did I hit? It was not moving, whatever it was. At first it looked like a rounded lump in the road, it seemed to be dark brown and had a texture. In my mind as I got closer to it, it looked like an ape sitting in the middle of the road with its back toward us and his head down. What was it? Why didn’t I see it? Why couldn’t I avoid it? What was it? These thoughts went round and round.

My Dad picked us up around 3am. He couldn’t fix the car tonight. He said it needed a new radiator for sure and perhaps a new fan, fan shroud, and condenser. He said he could tow us home with his little Canyon pickup. I was doubtful until he told me he had towed my brother’s dump truck. I didn’t realize I would have to sit in the car the whole way, the car being off and in neutral, while I monitored the chain and kept at the ready to brake when necessary… I had never done anything like this again. I actually started to cry when my Dad told me. I was scared. We had 90 miles ahead of us – anything could happen. I had visions of my car rear ending my Dad’s truck and sending us both off the road, or visions of a big truck rear ending me and pushing me, my husband and Daddy off the road…scary visions. We started out. My husband rode with me. It was too fast – I was stiff with anxiety and panic. I cried out “He’s going to fast!” I said it over and over again until my husband called my Dad to let him know. Dad pulled over to the side and I tried to hit the break. No break! It felt like nothing was there anyway. I really started to panic, the chain popped off, then the car was slowing and finally stopped. Dad hooked us up again and after a pep talk we were off.

It felt like we would never make it. At the outset I sat stiff and scared in my seat – sweating, legs shaking, heart beating too hard and too fast, almost hyperventilating. Just as I calmed down a little and my heart was beating within normal range, my husband mentions the Zilwaukee Bridge, that massive hump you must cross when you travel to and from up north. How would I make it down that? I thought. I was getting used to being towed, keeping the chain slack, breaking steadily when going down hills but the Zilwaukee was one giant hill. Ugh. I made it though. We made it home safely thank God. It got a little scarier when traffic picked up close to Flint and everyone was heading off to work but we made it. ~

A compliment from my writing instructor,and a published author, on this piece:

 You should get credit for several THWADs (what she calls our daily journals) for this one, which documents such a scary and difficult trip.  I felt your angst all the way through — such good writing.  I don’t know if that makes you feel better, but once again you’ve demonstrated that there is some good even in bad events — your effort in writing about this event paid off with a startling and riveting account.  I’m so glad you made it home safely.

This made me laugh yesterday…

“Family lost in corn maze calls 911 for help”

Article Link:

http://tinyurl.com/3b7w2am
Somebody commented on the article, “Reminds me of a text I just got about a ‘corn maze for blondes’ with a picture of one stalk.” LOL

I wouldn’t mind being lost in a corn maze today, ha.

Video:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Love it! And the post isn’t mine. I wish I would have written it but I didn’t. It is what I have felt since the beginning but I have had trouble expressing it as adroitly as this blogger. It is all about moms and stepmoms and is called, “Moms Share the Stage. Better Yet, Get Off.”

http://www.mysteplife.net/2011/10/12/moms-share-the-stage-or-better-yet-get-off/

Grand Hotel, Mackinac Island

Yay! We made it to Mackinac Island. We got over to the island just in time to check in to the Grand at 4pm yesterday. The weather is beautiful. It was rainy and cloudy but it started clearing up when we got into Mackinaw City so we rode on the top of the ferry. I love feeling the wind and water spray. Of course I love the view from the top of the ferry too. When we got to the Island it almost seemed too hot- really humid. We had to stand in line to check in and everyone was all sweaty.

We finally got to our room after waiting about 30 minutes in line! That was disappointing, never had to wait that long before. Our room was nice but we had a view that overlooks the back of the hotel. Not at all like last year when we had a dormer room that looked east out toward the Governor’s Mansion and Lake Huron. That was heavenly; when we awoke in that room the rising sun lit our ceiling gold, which was papered in orange-y, yellow and red flowers. I was wondering about that wall paper but when I woke up and saw the morning glow I got the reasoning behind the papered ceiling – understood the decorator’s choices for that room. Last spring we were lucky enough to get the Eisenhower Suite! That room had a lovely canopy bed, a sitting area, and though the view was a back courtyard (and overlooked the theatre and some high school’s prom in the evening) it had a balcony. My husband and I sat on it in the evening and drank champagne. The only thing special about our room this time is the huge king size bed.

We took a turn on the porch after we checked out our room. The weather was superb. Then we had to go and dress for dinner. Dressing for dinner is bothersome but also kind of fun. Something different to dress up for dinner, you know I feel like a little kid paying dress up. Plus it makes me feel like we are on a cruise.

We attended a reception on the Grand Porch. It was nice – piano music, free hors d’oeuvres, wine and beer. I love the atmosphere at the Grand, well the whole island for that matter but the atmosphere on the porch for the reception was magical. It was a beautiful late afternoon; the sun was getting low, warm breezes made the red geraniums lining the porch sway to the music and carried their scent up and around, the blue of the water, the lushness of the surrounding island (different shades of blue on blue on white and silver, all the green foliage, so many flowers) made for an enchanted setting. It was relaxing. I wanted to stay out there forever. My husband and I enjoyed a drink and the view for a while then went to dinner.

Dinner was good –not the best we ever had there but still nice. Very filling too! The Grand Hotel dining room, called the Salle a Manger, is a huge L shaped room with mirrored columns and large picture widows looking out onto the porch with the Straits beyond. The color of the room is a cheery peach with sea foam and dark green accents, not what I expected but it comes together nicely.

After dinner we checked out the art exhibit (charming paintings of pets) and paused in the lobby to listen to a harpist. The Grand has dancing every night, in a lounge off the lobby. There is also a piano bar at the top of the hotel in the Cupola (we didn’t go up there this trip but the views are spectacular from there. It also gets very hot up there). Not much for ballroom dancing, my husband and I went back out on the porch, which was much less crowded than earlier in the day. It was now dark and the almost full moon shone silver on Lake Huron. It was beautiful and I tried to get a picture with my little point and shoot digital camera but I don’t think I quite captured it. We enjoyed the quiet of the porch for a while and decided to change our shoes and go for a walk about town.

What a lovely evening. I could have walked on forever. We walked down Cadotte Avenue toward town. All the shops were closed on Main but a few of the restaurants and bars were still open. Mackinac is pretty quiet without all the tourists. It is so romantic to walk through town at night, admiring the sights in the moonlight, listening the distant ringing of the buoy in the harbor and the clip clop of horses’ hooves pulling a late night taxi from town to the Grand or farther out to Mission Point or Stonecliff.

Nothing much interested us in the bars so we walked on past the Murray Hotel of which we have fond memories (actually a great place to stay – honeymooned there), past the grocery store, which was also still open, past the old white Fort, glwowing in the moonlight, on the bluff above Marquette Park, past the marina farther into the quieter part of the road that circles the perimeter of the island and is lined with hotels, inns and residences east of downtown. I looked into the hotel windows, admired the old churches, the huge old trees that line the street, branches overhanging the walkway for a tunnel effect, and the many blooms along the way. The lushness of the trees and flowers quieted this part of town. I tried to take pictures but it was too dark. I did get a nice picture of a huge mum outside the Inn on Mackinac (another great place to stay – that is actually were I first spent the night on the island long ago when I was 4 or 5. I stayed there more recently with my husband and stepson. It is the sister hotel of the Murray). I also was fascinated but some huge spiders that covered a lamp and made it seem like it was done up for Halloween. I snapped a picture of the spiders even though they kind of creeped me out. Me and my husband walked on, all the way out to Mission Point where we stopped awhile on a trail that runs close Lake Huron. I was still trying to capture a picture of the moonlight on the lake. Didn’t work out but I have the memory captured here and in my heart.

***

We walked back to the hotel, too soon for me but I knew if I walked out much farther I wouldn’t be able to make it back to the Grand. On our way back we passed an old three story house that was for sale. We had passed it on our way to Mission Point too. I had stopped to admire it. I noticed it seemed empty though a light was on in the front window. I looked over the house wishing I could afford to buy the place. I got a strange vibe from this house though. I felt someone watched me from the windows. I looked at the windows on the second and third floors – empty. The house was empty. It had that closed feeling but also felt haunted to me. On the way back, from the opposite side of the street, I looked at the house, searching for a sign of a presence, human or otherwise. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary but I still felt watched, haunted.

We made our way back to the Grand. It is always a struggle walking up the hill back. It is beautiful walk though. We took another turn on the porch, admired the lights on the Mackinac Bridge then turned in for the night. It was a lovely evening, a lovely walk. I wish every night could be like this.

Today is the day, the tenth anniversary of 9/11. Sigh. I am not sure what to do to remember the date. Well I am leaving to go to Mackinac Island. They are actually doing a memorial service on Mackinac – perhaps my husband and I will attend. My husband isn’t much for remembering the day and truth to tell neither am I. It was a horrible event. I was touched by it but after that day I decided that I need to live my life as if it never happened. I was not going to let the terrorist acts change me. I do remember, I do grieve, and I may even have a private moment thinking about the day (a classmate’s essay about 9/11 was very touching) but I cannot openly memorialize that day – the day the terrorists chose. The day some people in this country have fetishized. As unpopular as my opinion may be (or perhaps unpatriotic to some), that is how I feel.

My 9/11 memories, what I was doing when, actually kind of suck. My boyfriend was about to lose his house because he had been unable to pay the property taxes. He and I were in downtown Flint in a meeting about how to save your house if you owe property taxes. The meeting was just wrapping up when the lawyer running the thing came back from getting some forms or something and said the building was closing and we would all have to leave. I couldn’t hear exactly why she said we had to but I did hear something about planes, WTC, and terrorists. I didn’t trust what she (and others at the meeting) were telling me because so far the people running this meeting seemed rather incompetent.

My boyfriend and I left. Our car radio didn’t work so we couldn’t listen to the news. We had no idea. My husband needed to stop by his work to check his schedule so we stopped and he came out telling me planes had struck the World Trade Centers – all his co-workers were talking about it. I still didn’t trust what anybody was saying. We drove home, getting there about 11:30am/noon. By that time everything had happened. Our roommate was in the living room watching TV. He was excited “You gotta’ see this!” (He was kind of an insensitive dork). We watched the news as they replayed the towers falling. We then learned all about what happened, the two other planes. We had pretty much missed it while it was going on. I still didn’t believe it.

I remember, after I saw the towers fall and I lay on the couch (the old comfortable orange couch that had been my parents while I was growing up) listening to the stories – the horror of people jumping from the towers desperate to escape really got to me. Helpless people on planes used as destructive missiles. I had to turn away and I did. I turned my back to the TV, hid my face and cried into that old couch.

After I cried for the victims disbelief returned – this couldn’t be real. I sat up. I had to get ready for work. I didn’t want to show my emotion to the dorky roommate or to my boyfriend. They weren’t crying. We all just couldn’t believe it. I wished I didn’t have to work that night. I continued watching the news until I left for work around 4pm. I should have got a nap but I couldn’t quit watching the TV, searching for some kind of answer. Searching for some truth, some sign that this really happened. Watching it on TV made it seem like it was fiction, a TV show. I wasn’t scared, I just wanted to know what happened and why. How could it have happened? I wanted to know what was going to happen next – how the country was going to change. Even though what happened seemed unreal and I hadn’t really got my head around it I knew this was going to change the country. What was going to happen next? I didn’t know I still wasn’t afraid.

I went to work. I was a server at a small town restaurant. It was busy that night. It was actually a comfort to be working and among many people with the same thoughts. The events of the morning still didn’t seem real even though I kept seeing it replayed on the TVs and everyone was talking about it. It just did not compute with me. I was in denial. I am still in denial. Whenever I see the footage from that day it just doesn’t seem real to me. I have to ask myself, did that really happen? I guess I just needed to protect myself.