Jacquelyn's Space

I have got to get my focus. I have a big paper to write by tomorrow night and I want to get it done but I don’t have any focus today. I kinda’ know what I want to write but you just never know what problems you might run into once you get into it, plus I alway underestimate the time I need to write a paper.

I took way too many classes this semester. I stayed up all-night last night working on a papers so that may be why I don’t want to focus today. I did get sleep but my brain is tired, ha. I have 3 more papers to write – 1 long (10 pages) and 2 short (2000 words or less – piece of cake). Well, the pages I can write but the ideas, the paper topics are more complex. I just need to push through. I will be up all night tonight to probably. That’s okay, I work third shift tomorrow so my sleep schedule will be adjusted for it.

My husband came home from work today with a big, white box. I asked him what the heck he had – I thought it was donuts, LOL. He said “It’s a gift….Benson got you a gift.” What? Benson is his boss and I never expected to get a gift from him – a bonus for my husband would be nice. Benson gave me a Coach purse and a wallet – it is really nice. Totally unexpected.  I will have to send him a thank you note.

Someone came knocking on the door this evening. I had just gotten out of the shower, and my husband was getting pizza. I heard somebody knocking and of course the dog runs toward the door. I wasn’t going to answer but the he knocked again and louder. Grrrr. I wasn’t too happy. I kinda’ figured it was the neighbor and I knew what he wanted to – our back light shines in his bedroom window. He came over a few weeks ago to ask us to move. I let my husband know but he has been working so much that he hadn’t has a chance to move it – I wasn’t going to mess with it.  I just tried to keep the light off out back, but last night I let the dog out and forgot to turn it off. I felt bad…

Well the neighbor was complaining about the light again. He was nice about it but I wanted to ask him – dude, have you ever heard of a shade? Ha, we had to get one for our room because neighbors two or three houses down put up a garage in back and put a big ole light on it that stays on all night long. I didn’t say anything much  because I was aggravated and felt that if I said something I would have went off. So I just tell him I will remind my husband, sorry, bye. Oh, but he wasn’t done – could we please keep our dog quiet in the morning. What!? After all these years of listening to their little yippy dog bark incessantly …yeah, I’ll try buddy. I just said okay and shut the door – I was in a damn towel for God’s sake. Grrr. Ryder does bark a lot but not as much as some dogs and I don’t know what we can do to stop him besides muzzle him. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Speaking of muzzle…

It seems that my blog has become very popular today, over 20 visits today. I was looking over my posts to see what could be so interesting. I mean the stuff I write is interesting to me but I am not conceited enough to think that my posts would attract 20+ visitors -all within two windows of time, mind you. I was looking at all the posts they looked at and it was kind of nice to go back a remember my trip to Mackinac and last year’s  Thanksgiving – thanks for sending me back there. I just wonder what is up, and why this person is so interested, yet can never talk to me, or even post back or something. Weird.

I am so happy – my To Do list is getting shorter. I still have a lot of stuff to work on it seems my papers always take me longer than I plan for but I am hoping for the best.

I have been up for over 24 hours and writing my ass off today. If only I could write my ass off  – wouldn’t that be something? If it were possible I would be quite thin by now because I have written a small novel this semester. If only it all went to together and formed a cohesive whole. Hey, perhaps that’s an idea. My new novel:

Once Crazy Semester: What Do Shakespeare, Modern British Literature, Virginia Woolf, Creative Non-Fiction, Rhetoric and a Trombone Have In Common?

ME!!

Entirely too long for a title, damn.

All those classes were connected in many ways, believe it or not. I am actually very, very sad the semester is ending soon. It has been rough but I have learned tons, and I have had lots of fun.

Like tonight for example. I had to push through the last day of classes and try to write as much as possible. Then I came home and had to write some more. I had an essay due for Modern British Lit and no idea what to write about, so of course I am chatting on facebook. A couple of my friends from that class were on and we were all in the same boat – not wanting to write this last essay. Talking with them, and my girls from Virginia Woolf seminar (we all have a final research paper we are working on  and are not really inspired) really bolstered me up to push through the evening and get my essay done.

Then once I posted it, 2 minutes to midnight, my friends were back on facebook just finished from posting their essay. Ha, we were all happy to have that done so we were goofing off. It was nice to blow off some steam. We were actually debating whose essay was the crappiest, ha. My friend Melanie shared her essay and it is beautiful –  fresh and inspiring are the words that came to mind while I was reading it. I just know the professor is going to love it.

So that is why I am sad the semester is ending. Not only have I learned lots and enjoyed it, but I have had such wonderful people in my classes – loving, nurturing people and I am honored to have shared a class with them, honored tha they have shared their writing with me and have allowed me to share my writing, or my silliness. I hope next semester is just as wonderful.

I played for graduation Sunday and  I got a little melancholy as I always do. I don’t really want to graduate. I do, but I want to stay on campus. I just love meeting new people, good people, and sharing ideas. I hope I will be able to work on campus one day.

I actually knew quite a few people graduating but two wonderful girls that are in Psi Chi with me graduated – I was in a great class with them last year. I still miss that class because it was really fun, filled with friendly people, nurturing people. I am going to miss my two girls…

Now that I that I think about it they, and that class, the group I was in for my research project inspired me. They inspired me to try to create that warmth in my other classes and I think it paid off this semester. That and finally getting some medication that helps me with my chronic fatigue.

Well it is crunch time for the semester. I have, oh so much writing to do and I am just not feeling it today. Everyone keeps saying they can’t wait for the semester to be over but not me. I need a few extra weeks in order to finish everything. I have to complete:

2 >essay rewrites – the biggest part is cutting some of the material

1 >essay (from scratch)

Shakespeare project or paper

2 >rhetoric papers – 1 short, 1 longer (but only 2000 words each – piece of cake)

1 >5-7 page essay for British Lit – my most challenging class (the page count is not challenging, it is coming up with something to argue about the material and keeping it within 7 pages. Ha, I wrote a 10 page essay about a short story!)

1 >10 page research paper for my Woolf class. This is going to be challenging…

2 > journals to complete

YIKES! I got less than 3 weeks. I need to write my ass off…

Though the semester has been challenging and I took on way too much as usual, I have really learned a lot and enjoy all my classes and professors. I don’t want it to end. I will probably cry; well maybe not. Probably will be too stressed and tired, ha.

I am going to miss writing my journal for Jan, my writing professor. I love writing for her – she is so positive. I have written all sorts of great stuff though not nearly as much as I would like to.  I kind of feel bad because I have also written a lot of the bad stuff I have been through in my life. I told my friend who also had Jan and this creative nonfiction class about and she said she did the same thing – she found she was using her journal and essays as therapy. I have found it not only makes for good story/drama, but that it helps me to get it all out so I can work with it. I needed to get some stuff out, for my sake and so I can frame it in positive ways. There is so much I want to use in future writing, in different ways. Overall, I find I am getting rid of the bad to make more room for the good, which has also highlighted all great stuff that has happened to me, and my achievements despite many challenges. It has also helped me rediscover my strengths and evaluate how far I have come since I started my education. I am bringing forth some great stuff that I want to keep working on – not only will it help me personally, but as a writer and a counselor as well.

I finally wrote about my husband’s penis! Ha. Ever since I wrote a lit analysis paper on a character and his penis back in 2008 my husband teases me that I should write about his ‘johnson’. Yeah, men and their penises – their world revolves around them. Well I wrote in my journal about all that and then a funny story about my husband and his member, plus some other stuff about how much I enjoy sex, hehee. Jan posted back to my journal that she loved it! She said it was the first journal entry she had ever gotten about a penis and it was from a woman. She also said it is very seldom that women write so lustily about sex. I loved that! Really I could write a lot about it but I don’t want to overwhelm her, or for her to think I am a pervert and only think about sex 24/7.

Well, penises are all over the place anyway – I mean in literature. (LMAO) I realized more this semester than in any other just how interconnected everything is. Psychology and writing; literary analysis and psychoanalysis; rhetoric and identity; rhetoric and philosophy; rhetoric and psychology; rhetoric and literary analysis, and fiction, and writers; writers to other writers or to psychotherapists (Freud, Jung – I have heard those two names more this semester in English classes than I ever did in any of my psychology classes). I can go on and on. One great connection that happened for me personally was I met a Doctor of anthropology in my writing class and we talked quite a bit about both step-motherood and motherhood (here in America and how it is in Africa – so different, much more communal), and of course sex – teenage sex. It was so great to meet her, to get her perspective on the things I was writing about; so great that she just happened to be in my class.

Then there is Virginia Woolf – wow. Her writing is some challenging stuff. I had a hard time at first and that damn play and movie, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” kept going through my head. I can still hear it. The class is still challenging but I think it has been worth it. I have learned so much about myself, my writing, the subconscious, identity – her novels and short stories really open the door to an inner life. My writing has improved – well it has helped me tap into stuff I have stuffed down or forgot about.

So I will be sad when it all ends. Everything I have done this semester, even band, has strengthened me overall. I will have to keep reading challenging material and writing about challenging subjects.

So I was browsing my facebook news feed today and clicked on an article about sex addiction in Newsweek. It was sooo freaking interesting – is it wrong to say it turned me on? LOL, not in the sexual sense but in an intellectual way. Of course in the article they talk to counselors, etc. I would so love to do that kind of work. I think that is what I wan to specialize in – sex therapy and sexual addiction. I have always been interested in sex, sexuality, ever since watching Dr. Ruth as a young teen, and now there seems to be a need for sex addiction counselors. I am inspired!

Here I was wondering what my next move was going to be after graduation and now I think I have a handle on it. Whoopee! LOL

Link to the article:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/11/27/the-sex-addiction-epidemic.html

I wanna’ see the movie mentioned in the article – looks awesome.

http://youtu.be/62nelnMXW3M

I have met my goal of getting in to Sigma Tau Delta. I am pretty proud. I made myself a new goal – turn in a piece of writing and get it accepted to their annual Writer’s Conference next year. I hope I can achieve this one. It is like I scratch a goal off the list and add one (or several) to it.

I now belong to 3 honor societies. Yay!! More than I ever thought I would. I am secretary for the UM-Flint chapter of Psi Chi. I was invited to join Golden Key in 2009 – blew them off (these damn things cost money) for a couple of years but finally decided to join when I got another invitation this year. I almost got forgotten about by Sigma Tau Delta because of a registrar or English department error – they didn’t realize I am an English major too. But I got in. I hope being a part of all these honor societies pays off. Sometimes I think they are a big rip off, though it is nice to be recognized and that will show up on my transcript. Plus, they all offer scholarships so I am going to get on the ball and start applying. I think they offer research grant money too.

Now on to my other goals and deciding which advance degree(s) to pursue. Ugh. I know what my ultimate goal is, I just don’t know the best way to get there. What I do know is, it is going to take lots of hard work.