Jacquelyn's Space

I put up my Christmas tree, yay…now I am done.

It is time to get into the Christmas spirit.

Bah, humbug!

I am going to try. Tomorrow my husband and I are going to Holiday Nights at Greenfield Village in Dearborn, Michigan (part of Henry Ford Museum).  It is an old-timey Christmas celebration and I love going. I always cry though because I think about how I used to love Christmas– it brings back all those old feelings and memories of Christmas past and those who have passed on like my Grandparents (my maternal Grandma especially) and my Aunts and Uncles. Maybe I shouldn’t go but I love the history and feeling I am going back in time.

I need to find some joy. This time of year just sucks for me, and now especially since everything that has happened over the past year. I feel like I am sliding into the worst depression. Who am I kidding– I am already depressed but I feel like it is only going to get worse before it gets better. I really don’t want to get any worse so I need to find some positive things to dwell on.

Okay, so one positive is I am done with my Christmas shopping– I did it all online which was lovely and relaxing. I have some really great gifts for my husband and I am excited to give them to him. I hope what I bought fits (shades of Aunt Marlene) and I hope he likes the other stuff I bought him.

Gah! Now I just have to wrap the stuff.

Ha! My Aunt Marlene would always buy us clothes for Christmas but because she was so anxious about what she bought, if it would fit, she would always tell us before Christmas, totally ruining the surprise. It was cute.

Let me see, what is another positive? There are lots of Christmas celebrations coming up. My Great Aunt Rose is hosting a Christmas party for my Dad’s side of the family. I didn’t go to my family Christmas last year because I was too stressed out from school and still working on papers. I am going this year for sure; I can’t wait to see my Aunts and Uncles. My Aunt Rose is having the party at Maggiano’s in Troy so no one has to bring anything for food. We all just get to relax. It should be nice.

We did already attend a Christmas party for my husband’s work. It was at Blackstone’s in Flint. It was lovely and the food was good– free dinner, yay! I got to see my two nieces and their dad (my brother-in-law). It is sad because my brother-in-law and sister-in-law are getting a divorce and it is causing a rift in their immediate family and also in my husband’s family at large. I hadn’t seen my nieces in while. I adore my youngest niece, Brianna. She made the party fun for me. It was also fun to visit with some of my husband’s co-workers too, which includes my husband’s used-to-be in-laws. They are nice and I like talking to them even if I don’t care for their daughter (to put it mildly, ha). Her father is a reverend and I am almost thinking about asking him about forgiveness…something I have a hard time with but he (and my stepson) seems to have down pat. He would probably be a good person to talk to about the subject.

On Christmas Day my husband’s family is having a Christmas party. Truth be told I am not looking forward to it much because of the rift(s) in the family but my husband’s youngest sister is coming in town from Nebraska so it will be great to see her, my brother-in-law, and my nephews. I will get to see Brianna again too so that is something to look forward to.

Oh pooh, my husband and I still have to shop for my nieces and nephews. Gift cards!! Or maybe that would be something fun to do at the Village tomorrow?

After Christmas there is another family party, again for my Dad’s side of the family. My Aunt Candy and Uncle Jerry were supposed to host this year but they were co-opted by Aunt Rose (she outranks them being older and all). They decided to still do a party but after Christmas. So I will get lots of family time this year which is good because it will make up for last year. I think lots of positive family time is just what I need. My Aunts and Uncles are super fun too…

This is Aunt Candy and Uncle Jerry dancing at my cousin’s wedding:

Haha, too cute!

So yes, I can’t wait to get together with my family.

Christmas Eve– I want to make a special dinner but I am not sure what I am making yet. One thing positive is my husband will be off work for a few days and I will get to spend some time with him. He was almost going to work the road Christmas eve because he short on paramedics but I put my foot down. He works too much and too hard to have to work on Christmas Eve…besides he needs a break. Luckily he was able to get someone to work it. I was also thinking about attending a candlelight service somewhere but I am not sure yet… or perhaps volunteering somewhere.

I only hope I can spend some time with my nephews over Christmas. I would like to take them to Greenfield Village or Crossroads Village– that would be fun.

I want to try to get up north–either up to my parent’s place or to Mackinac. I really need some up north time and I haven’t been up north in the winter for some time now. I am looking at taking up snowshoeing (and eventually skiing) but I have to get in shape.

I have some positive stuff to look forward to so I shouldn’t let the negative bring me down. Got to keep working at it.

Maybe I’ll feel better, get in the Christmas spirit if I go all out decorating my house:

LOL, ain’t that the truth!

Been here before….

I would say that I am reincarnated Garbo except she died after I was born. Perhaps we are from the same tribe, ha– heck, she may very well be a distant cousin though I am not sure if I have Swedish ancestry. Could be, could be…I am everything else and have lots of ancestors from that part of the world.

But anyway, whenever have that strong feeling that I want to be alone (to hibernate) I always think of the reclusive Garbo and her famous statement, “I vant to be alone”.

Did she really utter that? –I think it is a line from a movie she starred in.

Anyway, I really identify with her. Perhaps she and I are kindred spirits?

I sure wish I was as beautiful…

Too many beautiful pic to choose just one:

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I found a fabulous idea for my Christmas tree this year:

LOL. I can use my Baby and all her sissies. Bwaahahahaha

Grrr. I just love ‘wonderful’ mothers who think their children are grown as soon as they turn 18….or wait– almost as soon as the child support stops. How lovely.

Oh, yeah, there is the control issue too. Those mothers who, if they can’t control their kid then they’re not interested. How wonderful.

My stepson joined the Navy, in part because he was influenced by his mother and he wanted to please her. He was not cut out for the Navy and got separated  Now he is back home and living with us. Don’t get me wrong, we love having him live with us and want to help him out– as long as it takes. I have never been of the mindset that you turn your kids lose when they hit 18/19 (and graduate high school), consider them grown and a parent’s job (such as it is) is done. Sure they are a legal adult but they are not truly an adult yet, not grown-up and not wholly mature. So my husband and I want to help and have been. But I (we) think that the kids mother should be helping too. She could give him a little bit of money for gas and food. Not much, but some to help out. The kid is going to a class twice a week and is looking for a job though he doesn’t have the gas (or money for gas) to do it. My husband has been putting gas in his son’s truck or we let him use our car.

But why should it be all on us? Didn’t my husband pay child support for his kid all those years? Close to $650 a month in the last years (while the kid was working a part-time job no less); it was between $410 and $450 the years prior (whenever I tell people what my husband pays–divorced mothers even– they are always surprised and say “That much?!” OR  “For only one kid?!”). Why wasn’t any of that put away for the  kid? You know for a college fund (or for EMT class), start-up fund, or for times such as this….

Oh yeah, I forgot. The ‘wonderful’ mother probably thought some of the money was for her use. Her ‘pay’ for taking care of her own kid. Or maybe she was making the kid (a minor child) pay rent and utilities all those years (bills you have to pay regardless– whether or not you have kids or are divorced). I just think it is BS. Some of the child support should have been put away for the kid, or if not, his mother certainly could be helping her kid out now– with $50 – $100 a month (not much, $10-20 bucks a week) for gas and food until he gets a job. We’ll take care of the rest.

There is the fact that my stepson is afraid to ask though. I get the impression that it has been hammered into him that his mom has money problems and can’t be asked…shouldn’t be asked. Maybe he has been shot down too many times. I don’t know.

But his mother should help him out.

Then there is my stepson’s pride– he does want to stand on his own. Unfortunately he needs the help now and doesn’t realize that his dad might not have all the money in the world; or doesn’t realize that his dad might have had some goals, some other plans for his money.

Besides, my stepson’s mother should be helping him out too.

Oh yeah, those pesky control issues. Because the kid doesn’t live with his mother maybe she doesn’t want to help him out. That is one impression the kid is getting– no, more than an impression because he even told me his mother said that because he isn’t living under her roof she was cancelling his health insurance (she supposedly told the kid to ask his dad to put him on his health insurance, not realizing that it would cost $400 a month–oh yeah, she doesn’t care anyway). Now that is really messed up, especially in this day and age, in these hard times. Plus, his mom actually kicked him out because he was spending too much time with his friends (and/or his dad and me). She actually packed up his stuff and had it waiting for him. Again, that is really messed up. She seems to be playing mind games with her own son. Now the kid (and me too) feels that she is trying to control him, to guilt him into moving back in with her. For some reason, he doesn’t seem to want to– go figure.

I must say, the kid isn’t a bad kid. Yes, he has a lot to learn, and yes some of it is about appreciation and respect but there are better ways of teaching a kid these things and it should have been modeled for him long before now. Someone hasn’t modeled the proper behavior for him. —Don’t even get me started on getting the kid some counseling.

So that is a ‘wonderful’ mother for you.

To my way of thinking, I think a mother should help out her son. Now I am not saying she should let him take advantage of her, or should spoil him but he should be given some help. Especially since she was supported (and the kid was) in her ‘mothering’ of him. Especially since she did her kid a wrong turn or two by kicking him out of her house for no good reason, not to mention the big one: influencing her son to go in the Navy when it was somewhat evident that he wasn’t right for the military, and then not really helping him when he came home.

No! who cares about all that? A mother should help out her children and there shouldn’t be strings attached; it shouldn’t be about control and her desires. Both parents should help out their kids if they can, no matter what age they are. All parents really, even step-parents. I know I would help my stepson out if I had the money. I would give him health insurance if I had the money to pay for it. Unfortunately, as a full-time student and part-time McDonald’s worker, I don’t have the money. In part I am helping the kid out because he does live in my home and I buy food for meals. I let him use my car.

So that needed to be said…well, written in this case because there are some people you just can’t talk to.

UPDATE:

My stepson told me today that his mother told him she won’t give him gas money. Real nice, especially since he used the gas he needs to get to school to go see his sister’s band concert(actually his half-sister– his mom and step-dad’s daughter). His mother continues to prove me right though somehow I don’t feel triumphant– she is rotten, rotten; a piece of trash for refusing to help her son a little bit. I mean at least she could give her money, the amount of her choosing– “her support”–directly to her son and know that it is being spent directly for his benefit. She should imagine if she had to pay child support!

It is just sad.

*

Re-reading this just makes me think that some mothers are just pissy little (or big) bitches that shouldn’t have never had kids because they run into problems the minute their kid starts thinking for themselves and becoming their own person. Mommy can’t handle that! “My kid is an extension of myself…to feed my ego.” How selfish. Yeah, these types of moms aren’t interested in their kids once they aren’t what mommy wants them to be, or once they don’t do and act the way mommy thinks they should; this type of mother just washes her hands of the kid as soon as they aren’t ‘useful’ to her (to her ego, her image, etc.). Don’t get me wrong, I know its hard–most mothers have trouble with this to some degree but it is the narcissistic ones, the pissy little bitches, that can’t seem to balance out what they want, their desires, versus doing what is best for their kid.