Jacquelyn's Space

Grrr. I hate it when I feel sorry for myself (there are times that I become aware that I am indeed feeling sorry for myself). But if I don’t who will feel sorry for me? One could even argue that my blog is all about feeling sorry for myself. Ha…

No no, what’s worse is when people try to make others feel sorry for them over lies and bullshit. Now that is sick. I can understand, and more often than not empathize with people who are going through real trauma in their lives– God knows I have been through some stuff–but I don’t usually feel sorry for people who thrive on drama and create their own trauma just so they can get attention or want people to feel sorry for them. Somehow they get off on the attention or their own poor me story.

Like I said, I have been through some stuff and I am not shy about telling people about it. I don’t tell people about my ‘stuff’ so they can feel sorry for me, I tell them because I am seeking understanding, enlightenment (because often other people have been through the same thing or a situation that is close to it), or I may even be seeking help. But it is wrong –and I know this happens (I have witnessed it in action, noticed it in people I do not admire)–when people lie about situations or make up problems just to elicit sympathy (and more) from others. That is seriously fucked up. Well, perhaps some people should be pardoned because it is not that they are truly lying it is just that their perception is way off or they have been in that “feel-sorry-for-me” pattern for way too long to even know what they are doing any more. I suppose I should feel sorry for them because most people like this are mentally ill to some degree. But I also hate being an enabler 🙂

I hate dust.

I have to buy a respirator; well I have to buy one if I want my house to be truly clean. Ugh! My husband and I started cleaning our room yesterday and moved some furniture around. The amount of dust everywhere was awful. It made me sick…literally sick. I couldn’t breathe and had to break out my inhaler about 3 times. I went to work in the evening and still couldn’t breathe which made it hard to move. When I got home I loaded up on the meds and finally had some easiness in my chest but my nose is totally stopped up which makes for difficult sleeping. Now I am awake after only about 4 hours of sleep, still unable to breathe through my nose, which will make for a difficult day.

I always get sick when I dust thus I don’t dust if I can help it. The dust piles up because no one else around here cares about dusting the house and unfortunately I cannot afford a maid. I want a clean house– no one around here cares about that either. Not to mention the fact that what my husband and stepson consider clean is not truly clean. If I want a clean house, a dusted house, not one without dust kitties under the bed and shelves on which you can write notes in the dust with your finger, I have to be able to clean it myself. But I do not want to get terribly sick every time I clean. Sick of being sick. But I want things, one of those things being a lovely clean house, and I have to think of ways to bring what I want into reality. So I need a respirator…or a maid…or both.

WTG UM-Flint! My school was selected as one of the best branch campuses in the country. I love my school and I have always thought it was the best 🙂

http://www.umflint.edu/news/university-news/university-of-michigan-flint-selected-as-one-of-the-best-branch-campuses/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/10/satellite-campus-branch-campus_n_2449394.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003&ir=Detroit#slide=1967072

I wonder when I will ever get over thinking of the year in terms of semesters. Probably not for a long time yet, ha.

I am so excited to start a new semester. I have a Shakespeare class with my favorite professor and a Literature theory class I have been dying to take with another good professor. Believe it or not but Lit theory actually helps me with analyzing people; there are many connections between Lit theory and psychology.

I really need to bring my A game this semester because last semester sucked. I was so wore out and stressed. I am still wore out and depressed (my fibromyalgia is kicking my ass) but I am working on coming out of all that. I intend to be successful.

Of course, since it is a new year I have tons of resolutions of which getting out the funk I have been in is one, and not letting stuff get to me so terribly is another. And I want to write more, as usual. I have been writing some but not so much in my blogs. I need to write lots more…I have tons of projects in mind, just need time and energy.

I am so glad to see the end of 2012. I am hoping 2013 will be much better…I am going to do my best to make it better. It will be better!

Don’t get me wrong, a few great things happened in 2012 but unfortunately the bad stuff overshadowed the good. Today I am going to remember the good stuff.

Love:

Valentine’s Day, my husband got me chocolate covered strawberries…

It was our 5th wedding anniversary this year…

Support:

Me and my husband on my graduation day…

Me and my old friend Melissa on my graduation day. She came up (she lives 80 miles away from me) and did my hair and brought me Dunkin’ Donuts!

I really need to get a picture of my Aunt JoAnn and Uncle Bill in here too. They attended my graduation and were very helpful at my graduation party.

Milestones:

School of course. I was inducted into Sigma Tau Delta, the honor society for English majors; I received University Honors for making the Dean’s List consecutive semesters while taking over 14 credits a semester…or something like that; I received a most awesome introduction from Thomas Foster (he is a professor at my school and wrote the bestseller “How to Read Literature Like a Professor”) and received two sets of honor cords (one per degree) at the UM-Flint Honors Reception…

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I graduated with two bachelor degrees! Not only did I celebrate a graduation,  my stepson did also– he graduated from high school. Assorted graduation pictures…

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If you look closely at the group shot of all the UM-Flint graduates you can see me looking for my seat, haha– I played with the band instead of walking to Pomp and Circumstance.

Cake…I mean Celebrations:

May through July my husband and I (and our house) were hosts to 5 parties of various sizes. It was good to celebrate…lots of work though and lots and lots of cake…

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More celebrating….

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Even before all our parties I had been eating lots of cake because of all the honor banquets (4-5 at least). Yeah, by August I was pretty sick of cake. I was…

Mayhem:

Lots of fun…

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Other Good Stuff:

Family dinner in Detroit…My husband built a small barn mostly all by himself– I am so proud of him…Rainbows and flowers are always nice…got accepted to grad school and took a tour of Applewood…Welcome Back Picnic at school…fall colors on campus…a new niece’s arrival and another has a birthday…kids playing…and more cake.

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Mackinac:

And there is Mackinac. I was lucky enough to go to the Island twice this year. Spring or fall, good weather or bad, any time on Mackinac is a good time. In 2012 we went in early June and Labor Day Week-end. On Labor Day I was sitting on the porch of the Grand drinking ice tea and listening to the Jazz Festival– can’t beat that.

Just a few pics– I have too many good ones to choose from…

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Now that I look at all these pictures and think on all the positive memories, 2012 doesn’t seem like too bad of a year after all.

Let me just say that I hope 2013 is as good as 2012 with all the fun, happiness, and celebrating, but without all the heartache and drama overshadowing everything.

“Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are.”

I love that sentiment. Too many people out there are only concerned with their reputation, their image– how they appear to others– rather than their actual self. Humph, I seriously doubt some people (certain people?) even know what ‘character’ is let alone worry about it. It is sad that nowadays it’s not about character, it’s not about being genuine, but it is all about your reputation or how well you can sell yourself to others. Very sad. This focus on outward appearances makes a fertile breeding ground for hypocrisy (faker -y), narcissism and psychopathology. Not only sad but scary as hell.

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Found a book about character that I want– link to limited view of it:

Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification

Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification

by Christopher Peterson & Martin E.P. Seligman