Jacquelyn's Space

Yeah– “Lackadaisical and nonchalant” parenting– that’s what my old boss called it. I am tiring of dealing with the aftermath of this type of parenting and selfishness, self-centeredness, and just plain stupidity. If you don’t want to parent your kid, raise them up right, be there for them during the bad times, the hard times, the difficult times (including after they reach age 18–especially after they reach 18 because just because that is the legal age of adulthood doesn’t mean they are actually grown and doesn’t mean your job as a parent is complete…plus if you have a child that is having problems at that age that may mean that something you did or didn’t do as a parent has messed them up– there was a failure in parenting somewhere), then you shouldn’t have ever had kids.

Again: If you don’t want to parent your kid, raise them up right, be there for them during the bad times, the hard times, the difficult times, then you shouldn’t have ever had kids. Period.

That is what’s wrong with parents and kids today, that is what’s wrong with this country– too many dumb-ass people thinking it’s easy to raise a kid, or that they have to procreate even though they are not prepared to do the necessary work and sacrifice it takes to raise a child. Too many dumb-asses thinking it is all about them, using their child to boost their ego, self-esteem, etc. –enjoying the good times– while not being there for their kid(s) when things get difficult or when the kid(s) are difficult, or do something the parents don’t approve of and/or can’t handle. In other words, when things aren’t so fun and easy anymore.

Too many kids getting fucked over by their parents…parents who are supposed to try to raise them up right, set a good example, and teach them to succeed in a difficult world but don’t for whatever reason but mostly because they are lazy, permissive, and stupid. Oh, and more concerned for themselves rather than putting their kids first.

I am freaking tired of this type of parenting. I always have to deal with the aftermath of SHITTY parenting…er, of lackadaisical and nonchalant parenting. And it ain’t easy picking up the pieces of this type of parenting, rehabilitating a  kid so to speak.

People! You don’t have to have kids. If you want it to be all about you and to stay all about you all the time then don’t have kids. There is no shame in that.

??? Is this woman rotten or just really stupid? I usually give people too much credit for possessing more intelligence than they actually have (or use?) so I tend to think she might be rotten. Especially with all the other BS she has pulled. But it may actually be a combination of the two–rottenness and stupidity…then I feel bad for even “picking” on her because she obviously has some serious problems and issues.

Not to beat a dead horse but:

My stepson’s mom supposedly cancelled his health insurance. That is what she told him when he came back from the service and decided to live with us. According to my stepson she actually told him, “Have your dad put you on his insurance.” Yeah, like it is that easy. And thanks for caring.

So here my stepson is thinking he does not have health insurance so he has not been to the doctor and paid out-of-pocket for the TB test he needed for his EMT class. Nor has been to see a counselor that he actually needs to see due to a diagnosis of depression by a doctor and psychiatrist he saw while in the service which got him discharged from duty. If he ever wanted to go back into the service he would need to see a counselor and be shown to be free of or in control of his depression. Not to mention that if he truly is depressed then he needs to see a counselor, he needs to get that help or his depression will only get worse.

But his mom doesn’t care. She supposedly canceled his health care because he wasn’t living under her roof, most likely in a ploy to get the kid back under her control, um, roof. Hell, according to my stepson his mother doesn’t even think he is depressed. I don’t know what she thinks– that the service just let him go because he wanted to go? Because he wasn’t working out?

The kid has indicated a desire for counseling previously, while he was still a minor. He was afraid to ask his mom because he knew how she felt about it, that she was against it. My husband actually pressed for the kid to get some counseling and the mother agreed at the time. But of course she lied for reasons unknown…it could have something to do with a court proceeding she was pursuing against my husband at the time, I don’t know. The ultimate result was my stepson’s mom dropped the ball back then about getting a the kid some counseling. She let her kid suffer to suit her own desires and reasons.

I don’t know why this always surprises me. This kind of BS and behavior from her is nothing new. It is not like this has not been par for the course; it is her modus operandi if you will. It always does surprise and upset me. For all my faults, I do want what is best for my stepson and I do try to make it happen to the best of my ability…I expect the same and more from his own mother. Why she cannot do right by her son is something else I don’t even know…can’t figure out. It goes way beyond a difference of opinion in child rearing techniques.

To do right by her son– that must be asking for too much. At least from this woman.

So the health insurance was supposedly canceled while my stepson was in need. Truly I had a suspicion that his mother may be lying. M.O., remember? My husband and I kept telling the kid to check it out– call the insurance company to see if he was covered and for how long…ask your doctor’s office when you go for your TB test. Of course the kid didn’t.

Then we were on the kid to change his address, at least he could get the county health plan once he established residency. Of course the kid procrastinated.

Unfortunately the kid had to go to the hospital last week. He suffered some injuries to his head due to…well the kid claims it was a fall down some stairs–believe it if you want to. He did not want to go to the hospital due to his lack of insurance but his father and I insisted. Truly, he needed to. He had big knots on his head and his face was all swollen. His friend, who drove him home, said he had passed out a couple of times. He had to go to the hospital.

The kid is alright, in a sense. No concussion or brain injury, just bruising to his scalp. He is alright physically. Luckily they checked for insurance at the hospital. He has insurance and it is through his mother. She never canceled it.

So why lie to the kid about it?

Why play games about something so important?

Why make the kid think he has no insurance?

This is what his mom told him: So he would learn how to pay for something on his own.

O M G! How idiotic. Total BS!

First of all, the time for that lesson has passed. The kid is 19 and she should have taught him how to pay for stuff on his own when he lived with her and had a job. In fact I kind of thought some of that lesson had already been taught because the kid did pay for part of the car that his mother gifted him but then took back when he didn’t do what she wanted him to do (and what lesson is he supposed to learn from that?). He paid for his auto insurance, his own laptop, and according to him even paid for food, sometimes for his mother and sister when she was short of money.

Second of all, the kid, without health insurance, would be more likely to not even utilize any health services (expensive services to begin with) knowing he did not have a way to pay for it because he is unemployed and basically has been since he was discharged from the service. How much do you think the kid is able to pay for with no income? It would be his dad and I loaning him the money if anything (or the kid ultimately ruining his credit when bills came due and he couldn’t pay for them); of course the kid doesn’t want to ask us for much extra since we are already supporting him. And if we did pay for any health care expense, well, that kind of goes against any supposed ‘lesson’ the kid may learn (HA! –that she may be trying to teach him). And to mess with something so important as the kid’s health insurance, health care, his very well-being– it just boggles the mind.

I hate to think if the kid had gotten really sick or had a serious injury. Would he have gone for treatment or just suffered? Hell, he didn’t want to go for treatment for his injuries last week.

And then I think of the counseling he needs…

…and he does need it. It is hard for me to tell if he is depressed or not but if he claims to be then he should go to counseling regardless. There are many issues that need to be addressed and worked out.

My stepson’s mom isn’t just being stupid, she is being downright rotten in my book. After all she told the kid to have his dad put him on his health care– what if my husband had done so? He would be paying for the kids care and for what? For the kid to have double coverage…all the while this rotten bitch knows she is also providing health care coverage… but lied about it! And what kind of lesson would the kid get from having his dad pay for his health care? What kind of lesson is the kid getting now?

I think she may just have made up that BS lie or excuse now to cover her ass, to preserve her own image in the eyes of the kid and others.

So she is willing to play with her own child’s well-being in order to further her little games (for control?), and to suit her self-righteous attitude. How lovely.

Yeah, I just don’t even know, but in my book this woman is both stupid and rotten…

…but especially rotten.

Frustrated. Why? Why are State of Michigan workers such dumb idiots? I really hate to say it but I have not been impressed with any (?) state workers I have ever met or dealt with (right now it is specifically DHS/CPS that I am dealing with). Are state jobs the last resort for all the dumb people that can’t get a decent job anywhere else or do state jobs just attract the dumb and lazy? It can’t be… I know the state pays good money and benefits for all this stupidity, you’d think they’d have some decent workers, some people with intelligence. You’d think.

I am being unfair. It probably has a lot to do with policy and procedure– the states own dumb way of doing things that slows things down, spreads or breeds misinformation, and boggles the workers’ minds into shutting down. I know P&P plays into it but there are an awful lot of dumb people out there too and it is frustrating.

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Update…I talked to a very nice, helpful lady at CPS and she explained that some of my frustration does have to do with policy and procedure and the laws that are in place now…well the legal system in general (another hotbed of stupidity and laziness). Feeling a bit better but every damn system in this country needs to be overhauled and there needs to be more accountability all the way around. Or maybe it is time for a revolution.

I spent the day yesterday with my favorite professor and my fellow classmates (past and present classes) in Ann Arbor seeing two Shakespeare plays. It was amazing!

The plays we saw were Twelfth Night and The Taming of the Shrew. We had a break in-between the plays so we went to dinner and did a little shopping. Vintage clothes shopping in AA with my classmates and prof, fun fun!

But of course the plays were the best of all. They were done by a traveling theater company from England–Propeller Theatre Troupe– an all male company. OMG! The plays were hilarious but it was all agreed that Twelfth Night was by far the best. The music in the play was beautiful and added so much. The actors were great–full of energy and hilarious. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about the men playing the women’s roles (traditional to Shakespeare’s time) but it added a level of complexity to the plays that made me think on what Shakespeare may have been trying to achieve with his plays and through performance.

And then there was the nudity! Ha! No less then 3 asses were shown on stage last night. Bare chests were also shown and let me tell you most of the players were quite cute, even the ones dressed in drag.
Damn, I wish I could have a DVD of the performances last night. I don’t even have words to describe just how magical it all was but I know I want to see it again.

http://www.annarbor.com/entertainment/review-propeller-twelfth-night-at-power-center/

My problem is that I give people too much credit for having intelligence… and then I realize they do not have any. Yes, there are too many idiots out there 😦

This needs to be re-posted because it needs to be said over and over until someone, a ‘mother’, helps her kid. The kid needs help with gas money to get to class and to look for a job, he needs $500 for his EMT class tuition or he will not be able to graduate, and/or he needs $250 to take a lifeguard class because he could get hired at a local university if he had the training. The kid’s dad and I are footing the bill for his transportation (he has been using our car and gas but we have also been paying his truck insurance +),  and his room and board; we do not have the money to do more. I think it is only fair that the kid’s own mother and stepfather help out a little especially when they are the ones that ‘helped’ the kid into the situation he is in.

A big part of my motive in originally posting this was to make this ‘wonderful’ mother recall all the child support my husband paid over the years and to point out that some of that money should have been saved–more than enough especially when you consider the fact it was expected that the mother would contribute financially to the upkeep of her child as well (it was supposed to be a 60/40 split in the eyes of the state–in the specific situation, around or a little over a $1000 a month for one child which should have been more than plenty). Yes, some of that money should have been (and very easily could have been) put away for the kid’s college or training after high school or at least as a start up fund for when the kid is ready to be out on his own.

I am not talking about an exorbitant amount of money but some funds should have been put away and the kid should be receiving some financial help now, either from his mother or from some kind of savings which should have been done over the years. I don’t think that was too much to expect…and I don’t think it is too much to expect or ask for this ‘mother’ to help her son out now. At least the kid should have health care and a little bit of monetary help.

For me, I am just sick of so-called wonderful mothers taking advantage of the system, men/baby daddies, and their own kids and mismanaging money (or perhaps misappropriating) designated for the care of their kid(s). Mothers like that give new meaning to the word deadbeat. The money should be used (or saved) for the kids’ needs and not the mother’s needs or desires or to support her household overall. I do not think this money, essentially the kids’ money, should be used to pay bills like rent/house payments and car payments in the mother’s household especially when there are (or were) two working adults living in the household. Hell, even if there is/was only one parent (as in single-parent households) because  they would have to have a place to live and transportation whether they had custody of children or not. Some changes need to be made in the child support, welfare, and disability systems. There must be more accountability!

Ah well, at the very least my husband and I can say we always tried to do right by our son (and others), even when other parents did not.

Needs to be said:

Grrr. I just love ‘wonderful’ mothers who think their children are grown as soon as they turn 18….or wait– almost as soon as the child support stops. How lovely.

Oh, yeah, there is the control issue too. Those mothers who, if they can’t control their kid then they’re not interested. How wonderful.

My stepson joined the Navy, in part because he was influenced by his mother and he wanted to please her. He was not cut out for the Navy and got separated Now he is back home and living with us. Don’t get me wrong, we love having him live with us and want to help him out– as long as it takes. I have never been of the mindset that you turn your kids lose when they hit 18/19 (and graduate high school), consider them grown and a parent’s job (such as it is) is done. Sure they are a legal adult but they are not truly an adult yet, not grown-up and not wholly mature. So my husband and I want to help and have been. But I (we) think that the kids mother should be helping too. She could give him a little bit of money for gas and food. Not much, but some to help out. The kid is going to a class twice a week and is looking for a job though he doesn’t have the gas (or money for gas) to do it. My husband has been putting gas in his son’s truck or we let him use our car.

But why should it be all on us? Didn’t my husband pay child support for his kid all those years? Close to $650 a month in the last years (while the kid was working a part-time job no less); it was between $410 and $450 the years prior (whenever I tell people what my husband pays–divorced mothers even– they are always surprised and say “That much?!” OR “For only one kid?!”). Why wasn’t any of that put away for the kid? You know for a college fund (or for EMT class), start-up fund, or for times such as this….

Oh yeah, I forgot. The ‘wonderful’ mother probably thought some of the money was for her use. Her ‘pay’ for taking care of her own kid. Or maybe she was making the kid (a minor child) pay rent and utilities all those years (bills you have to pay regardless– whether or not you have kids or are divorced). I just think it is BS. Some of the child support should have been put away for the kid, or if not, his mother certainly could be helping her kid out now– with $50 – $100 a month (not much, $10-20 bucks a week) for gas and food until he gets a job. We’ll take care of the rest.

There is the fact that my stepson is afraid to ask though. I get the impression that it has been hammered into him that his mom has money problems and can’t be asked…shouldn’t be asked. Maybe he has been shot down too many times. I don’t know.

But his mother should help him out.

Then there is my stepson’s pride– he does want to stand on his own. Unfortunately he needs the help now and doesn’t realize that his dad might not have all the money in the world; or doesn’t realize that his dad might have had some goals, some other plans for his money.

Besides, my stepson’s mother should be helping him out too.

Oh yeah, those pesky control issues. Because the kid doesn’t live with his mother maybe she doesn’t want to help him out. That is one impression the kid is getting– no, more than an impression because he even told me his mother said that because he isn’t living under her roof she was cancelling his health insurance (she supposedly told the kid to ask his dad to put him on his health insurance, not realizing that it would cost $400 a month–oh yeah, she doesn’t care anyway). Now that is really messed up, especially in this day and age, in these hard times. Plus, his mom actually kicked him out because he was spending too much time with his friends (and/or his dad and me). She actually packed up his stuff and had it waiting for him. Again, that is really messed up. She seems to be playing mind games with her own son. Now the kid (and me too) feels that she is trying to control him, to guilt him into moving back in with her. For some reason, he doesn’t seem to want to– go figure.

I must say, the kid isn’t a bad kid. Yes, he has a lot to learn, and yes some of it is about appreciation and respect but there are better ways of teaching a kid these things and it should have been modeled for him long before now. Someone hasn’t modeled the proper behavior for him. —Don’t even get me started on getting the kid some counseling.

So that is a ‘wonderful’ mother for you.

To my way of thinking, I think a mother should help out her son. Now I am not saying she should let him take advantage of her, or should spoil him but he should be given some help. Especially since she was supported (and the kid was) in her ‘mothering’ of him. Especially since she did her kid a wrong turn or two by kicking him out of her house for no good reason, taking back the car that was given to him as a gift, and not to mention the big one: influencing her son to go in the Navy when it was somewhat evident that he wasn’t right for the military, and then not really helping him when he came home.

No! who cares about all that? A mother should help out her children and there shouldn’t be strings attached; it shouldn’t be about control and her desires. Both parents should help out their kids if they can, no matter what age they are. All parents really, even step-parents. I know I would help my stepson out if I had the money. I would give him health insurance if I had the money to pay for it. Unfortunately, as a full-time student and part-time McDonald’s worker, I don’t have the money. In part I am helping the kid out because he does live in my home and I buy food for meals. I let him use my car.

So that needed to be said…well, written in this case because there are some people you just can’t talk to.

UPDATE:

My stepson told me today that his mother told him she won’t give him gas money. Real nice, especially since he used the gas he needs to get to school to go see his sister’s band concert (actually his half-sister– his mom and step-dad’s daughter). His mother continues to prove me right though somehow I don’t feel triumphant– she is rotten, rotten; a piece of trash for refusing to help her son a little bit. I mean at least she could give her money, the amount of her choosing– “her support”–directly to her son and know that it is being spent directly for his benefit. She should imagine if she had to pay child support!

It is just sad.

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Re-reading this just makes me think that some mothers are just pissy little (or big) bitches that shouldn’t have never had kids because they run into problems the minute their kid starts thinking for themselves and becoming their own person. Mommy can’t handle that! “My kid is an extension of myself…to feed my ego.” How selfish. Yeah, these types of moms aren’t interested in their kids once they aren’t what mommy wants them to be, or once they don’t do and act the way mommy thinks they should; this type of mother just washes her hands of the kid as soon as they aren’t ‘useful’ to her (to her ego, her image, etc.). Don’t get me wrong, I know its hard–most mothers have trouble with this to some degree but it is the narcissistic ones, the pissy little bitches, that can’t seem to balance out what they want, their desires, versus doing what is best for their kid.