Overwhelmed, Again, Always
We are all overwhelmed. Life gets ever more stressful and complicated. How do people make it through?
I don’t even know where I’m at in my post entitled “Shade” because much has gone down that it is hard to write about it succinctly. Not to mention that much of it has roots in the past. I find myself circling the same topics and events. I am trying to get all this out so I can work out how I want to present all this mess in my memoir, as well as draw lessons from the events. It is important for me to write about my journey as a stepmother so perhaps it will help someone else. It also helps me gain perspective on things. This week I have been going through old documents and journals, as well as some of the research I did on stepfamilies prior to 2012.
Thankfully things have calmed down a bit for now. I hope they stay calm and that my stepson and my daughter-in-law can heal from all this. I think my daughter-in-law is far on her way to being healed from the hurt her other mother-in-law caused, which is good. She has her hands full with more pressing issues anyway. I am so proud of her, that she has held it together through the death of her mother, and that she is pushing through her grief to get things done. I feel so bad for her though, that she has to go through all of this. It is so difficult. I wish she could get a few weeks to rest and pamper herself.
I know I need a few weeks just to get my life in order. It is crazy how long it takes to recover from the shit life throws at you. I am still dealing with the trauma of my husband’s health issues and my heartbreak over my nephews.
My oldest nephew from my family is going through a mental health crisis. I received a call from a state trooper. He wanted to reach out to family because my nephew Ken had called 911 and stated that people were after him, shooting him with some sort of radar or radiological weapon that is making him have dementia. The officer tried to convince Ken to go to the hospital but he wouldn’t, at least not that day. Ken lives with my dad up in Manistee county. Of course, right away I am freaked out because it sounds like schizophrenia to me. The paranoia, the weird ideas… drugs can cause this too and Ken did admit to doing shrooms. I also know he smokes marijuana. Yet, Ken has exhibited signs of schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. He really needs help. The officer recommended that family try to petition Ken to a psych facility. UGH! I can’t do it, I don’t even live up near him.
I called my dad. We formulated a plan. Complicating matters was the issue of guns. My nephew has a gun that he bought as soon as he started working. My dad has guns for hunting. He did not have a gun safe or adequate locked storage, nothing that Ken couldn’t break into. My dad did tell me that Ken had been acting weird lately, really paranoid. So I told my dad, “You need to get the guns locked up. Get Ken’s gun away from him and don’t let him have it right now.” I could see Ken’s paranoia escalating into something terrible. I was afraid for my dad. Not that schizophrenics are violent–typically they are not–but who knows what a paranoic (psychotic) mind will push a person to do? It was a scary situation.
Thankfully, daddy got Ken’s gun. Ken wanted it back right away. He claimed that people broke into my dad’s house and shot him with that radar gun. My dad told him, no, that didn’t happen and that he would protect Ken–so heartbreaking! I hate that my dad has to deal with this. Then my dad went and bought a gun safe a couple of days later. Thankfully, as dad was riding through town, he saw that Ken was at the Wellness Center. Eventually, dad got a call about Ken. Was the CIA after Ken? NO. Ken agreed to get help from a facility. He called it rehab to get him off drugs. OK, okay. Fine. He agreed to go. So he went to a facility in Saginaw. My dad took him. He was there a little over a week. The only thing Ken told my dad was the facility said Ken had psychosis. Yeah, but psychosis caused by…what, exactly? Drug use, mental illness, a combination? T
Ken was sent home with medication and after-care referrals for counseling and a psychiatrist. Dad says Ken isn’t really any better. He is still paranoid. I only hope the meds will help long term, as well as counseling. They have to have done a full psych exam in the facility…you’d think. I wish I could have access to those records. We, his family, kinda need to know so we know how best to help him. It is going to be rough road for sure. My heart is broken but I am trying to hold it together. I can’t help anybody if I am broken.
I have a friend I have been helping out. She has nobody. I got to know her when I worked at Swartz Ambulance. She was one of my transports. She also used to be with Pace program. She specifically requested me as her driver, lol, so we got close through the years.
Last year, my friend moved to Tennessee to try to live with her nephew. It did not work out. Unfortunately, she left Pace to do so, and she put all her money into the move. She moved back to Michigan about 6 weeks later– back into the facility that she was at before moving to Tennessee. It’s an expensive way to live, but she can’t really live on her own.
My husband and I went down to Tennesse to bring her stuff back out of storage…she has a storage unit up here in Michigan too, that is full to the brim. She is unsure if she will ever be able to live on her own again. It’s sad, because she is not that much older than me. I look on her as the older sister I never had.
For whatever reason, Pace would not take her back into the program…not at first, anyway. She lost her Medicaid, I think due to the move. She was not able to pay for her medications. The facility she is in wants her to have a guardian. UGH. Guardians for adults are, for the most part, useless. Plus, who is going to pay for this guardian? I do see the need for her to have someone because somehow, she switched her Medicare health plan from a free plan to one with a premium. She got influenced by all the TV commercials and ads on social media. I just found that out yesterday. Unfortunately, due to the premium she has to pay, she can no longer pay for her living arrangements. She can no longer pay on her storage unit either. She does not want to lose all her stuff. I was going to help get into a new storage unit, something cheaper, but that is a lot to handle, the move and all. My friend also asked me to be her guardian or representative. I want to help but I don’t feel I am up to that right now. It is much too much for me to handle. I did apply for Medicaid for her last night. As part of applying for help from the state, she gave her permission for the state to refer to an aging agency in our county. We also got onto her Social Security account. That was a whole process.
I am hoping with a few phone calls we can get some things straightened out. It is just, UGH!!! It is so hard to get older adults, or the disabled, help. Hell, it is so hard to get the mentally ill help as well. I am fed up. I am overwhelmed with it. We need to do better in this country.
I should have been a social worker! There’s still time, right?
Jacquelyn's Space 