Jacquelyn's Space

So I only started reading but so far I love it! Melissa Gilbert, who was Laura Ingalls from Little House, blogs about her implants:

Melissa’s Mid-life Musings: A Tale of Two Titties

I love what she has to say about American culture and body image.

I grew up watching this woman grow up…I would love to meet her. It would be a dream come true to be her friend. I heard she lives in Holly, MI 🙂 Maybe she needs some (more) friends in Michigan, lol. A friend of mine said she saw Melissa shopping in Meijer. Who doesn’t shop at Meijer these days? Harry Potter…Melissa Gilbert…I need to start hanging out at Meijer to meet the stars, ha. No, really, I would love to hang out…Holly, MI is charming…and I wouldn’t even mind meeting Nellie Olsen (Alison Arngrim) if she happens to be visiting.

What do you do when you want to write but you don’t know what you want to write about? Write about the mundane…go stream of consciousness and just write. The thing that holds me up is lack of energy though. I am exhausted. And cold. And even though I may enjoy writing about the mundane, I can’t sell it, can’t make money doing it. And I hate living it. I need a change. I don’t think I was meant for domestic life. I don’t know how housewives do it. I do the same dishes over and over…I am sick of eating the same things…I did umpteen loads of laundry yesterday (really too many to count–washing, drying, folding, washing drying folding)…covered the same ground putting stuff away, back and forth throughout the house, pushing stuff into drawers, on shelves, and into closets…I even considered writing a post about how our house is bursting at the seams; it really it is you know with 6 people living here. I have too many clothes, the boys have too many clothes (but nothing to wear, or at least not all the right things–the boys need more warm clothes, more outdoor wear). I wish I could have a small room for just the closet. I wish I could have a whole new master bedroom and bath, then I’d make my current bedroom into a den, ha. I wish we has a basement on this place. I go back and forth questioning: should we add-on or try to move? Not sure it the house would sell, at least not what we’d need to sell for. But getting out of here seems like a good thing. Then I think I just need some organization, I can make it work…and that takes me back to the whole idea of not being cut out for being a domestic goddess. I like to have things organized, I just hate doing most of it. And I’d like to have a bigger house, though one of these days it will just be me and my husband again. I can’t wait for the day…though I still would like to get out-of-town….

My husband wants to take a trip to D.C. He has never been. I went a long time ago, in junior high. He has also mentioned going to Niagara Falls…he has been but I haven’t. I would like to go but I’d like to check out other places in New York (a lot of my ancestors on my mom’s side came through there) and also Canada. I have been many places in Canada but I really want to get to Montreal and Quebec because that is where my ancestors on my dad’s side of the family came from. So me and my husband would have to make quite the trip. We also talked about making a mega-camping trip to the U.P. I have been all over up there but my husband hasn’t been to the western most parts of Michigan. Right now a trip to a hot beach somewhere would feel really good right now. Damn it’s cold! Yes, I’d like to go someplace warm right now, maybe take a cruise. Ultimately, though, I’d like to plan a trip to Europe…the British Isles. That is my dream…

So I don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel stuck. Now I know why I didn’t have kids of my own. I didn’t really want them. The day-to-day gets me down. Yet, I would like to have daughter…just one child. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I just hate that I don’t have that much in common with my nephews. They are into stuff that I just can’t get that in to. I had this same problem with my stepson a little bit. The difference is he wasn’t around all the time. These boys, these boys…I just can’t get into guns and shooter video games, Minecraft and Roblox. And then I cannot bring myself to get them involved in sports or Boy Scouts (not that they’re truly ready for it yet–behavior issues). I’d be running around every night of the damn week solely to take them to activities and to wait for them to get done. Where is the fun in that? I am a little selfish in that respect I suppose….And they are not even my kids. Truly not mine. I would feel like forever a stepmom, the other. I am wore out with feeling like that…

So see, I truly stuck good. I think I should take a class to break out of the rut. I don’t know if I have the energy. I need to do something but what?

Your Literary New Year’s Resolution Should Include “More Writing,” and Here Are 12 Reasons Why

I love that article! I believe in all the points it makes.

Actually writing I like to do. It seems I really enjoy writing the mundane stuff. I truly do. I can rip (riff) off 1000 words about nothing or next to nothing in no time. I love writing my blog, my little memories. They don’t have any huge meaning but it is comforting for me to put down some of what has happened…and not even the more interesting or dramatic stuff. The drama in my life tends to piss me off when I write about it because I have so little control over it and it rarely is MY drama, or caused/started by me. It is always somebody else’s STUFF and I am pretty powerless in dealing with it other than to retreat into myself–to become a hermit. To just say NO! and shut certain people out of my life. I hate shutting people out but I also tend to keep them at an arm’s length if I can. I enjoy being alone or spending time with just my husband—less drama that way–and I like being at home or in favorite familiar places. I can’t say I absolutely love it because I do like to talk to people, to hear their stories, and I do like to be adventurous and travel (though it stresses me at times), explore new places. I just get so tired in the drama cause my the usual, familiar people– people that are too familiar and like to trample your peace because they are not at peace with themselves and their life…

On one hand I feel I need to say NO more, I need to take back certain parts of my life. On the other hand I want to open up more, be around people more…I just need more energy.

Christmas was good. Unfortunately I was behind as usual–didn’t decorate the Christmas tree until late Christmas eve, or, perhaps it was technically Christmas morning. No time for baking like I always want to but I did most of my Christmas shopping online so that was fairly painless.

I suppose the season was kicked off with my work Christmas party. The owners of the McDonald’s work at always throw a Christmas party but they were thinking about forgetting the whole thing this year. I had never been so I decided to go this year because it might be the last time, I didn’t have school to worry about and I had the boys, and hey, it is free food. The food was alright (not McDonald’s) but the dessert was better. They had prizes (my oldest nephew won a free Happy Meal), candy and a bounce house for the kids, dancing, and prizes for crew members. I won a food chopper 🙂

Next we had my family Christmas party–my dad’s side. I stopped at Meijer in Trenton, MI close to my Uncle’s house to get some dessert for the party. While walking through Meijer I had a feeling–“Wouldn’t be funny if Rachel were here shopping right now.” I hurried through the store thinking I’d have to call her later, I had been remiss in calling her and we hadn’t talked for quite some time let alone seen each other. My husband and I grabbed some beer (for him, not me) from the crowded adult beverage aisle…he had to go back to try to find a bottle opener as I made my way through the frozen section toward the bakery. Lo and behold, as I looked across the low frozen cases of chicken breasts, there was my old pal Rachel. A ha! I stopped in my tracks and just stared at her, waiting for her to look up. I was surprised but my brain was screaming “I told you so” at me. Rachel looked up and I think did a mental double take. It was hilarious…here we were after all this time. We hugged (quite a long hug) and we tried to hurriedly catch up. Chuck said as he came out of the beer aisle and into the frozen section and heard some people loudly talking and wondered at it, then he saw it was us. I hated to leave her but I had to get to my family party. Ugh! I miss my old friends. I need to make an effort to see them more often…

On to my family party. Most everybody was there and my Uncle Kevin’s small mid-century brick house was crowded. It was good to see everybody, especially my 90+ Great Aunt Rose. I really want to sit her down one day and talk to her about the family and her memories. I did talk to everybody but I didn’t get enough time to spend to have any real conversation with anyone. I was surprised to see my cousin Joe and his wife Monica. They travel the world and usually live in Atlanta, GA when they are stateside. They rarely make it to family gatherings but there they were. It was a good time and I hated to see people leave. We were one of the last to leave. I need to make an effort to see my family more often…

Well soon it was Christmas Eve. Luckily my brother took his boys so me and Chuck had a peaceful few days except we had to clean the house to get ready for Christmas. I decided we should host the McGlinchey (his family) this year since no one else was in a position to do so– one sister lives in Nebraska, one sister wasn’t really interested in hosting (and I don’t blame her, and now his oldest brother is getting a divorce we no longer have his wife Candy to push us to get together. I felt it must fall to me and Chuck. I decided I would prepare all the food too and not ask for anyone to bring anything. Too short notice and I felt I owed it to them because everyone had done a lot for holiday parties in the previous years. So Christmas Eve morning found me marathon shopping for groceries–couldn’t get out any sooner. Luckily my husband did a lot of the cleaning while I prepared the food. It all came together though I ran behind as usual. On Christmas Eve (the night before the party) I made up a huge pan of baked mac and cheese and some sauerkraut and kielbasa (one of my family faves)…I made us a special Christmas Eve dinner–roast beef with potatoes and carrots. On Christmas I made ham, green bean casserole, corn (which I forgot to put out but wasn’t really needed anyway)…Chuck made baked beans. I should have made up the appetizers early–Chuck’s two brothers and nephew showed up before I could get those ready so Chuck had to cut the cheese (HA HA) and had to cut up veggies for the veggie tray while everybody was already here, though I had already made up my dips…I had also made some cake and cupcakes from boxed mixes; my sister-in-law and nieces helped make frosting and frost the stuff. I had mashed potatoes too–I boiled the potatoes but my niece prepared them because I have not learned how to make ’em so they aren’t sticky. She made some good mashed potatoes–lots of butter. It was quite the to do but I needn’t have bothered with my mac and cheese (I didn’t put it out) because my sister-in-law brought some. Everybody was so full that no one even wanted dessert. In addition to cake and cupcakes I had some chocolates, chocolate covered pretzels, cookies, and cream pies. I didn’t even have to get out the cream pies 😦 And then we ate mac and cheese for the week after. Oh well, it all turned out good. I would like to have Chuck’s family over more often…

Oh yeah, presents. We had to work those in there on Christmas Day in-between getting ready for the party. I bought my husband a smoker and all the accoutrements for Christmas. He was happy. I got an Amazon gift card and a lot of smaller gifts from my wish list. It was all kind of low key…I really just want to skip presents anymore. For me it is more about experiences. So I really want to try to get stuff going earlier next year, have my tree up, find time to bake, have time to go to various Christmas events like at Crossroads Village and Greenfield Village, and most of all spend more time with my friends and family.