Jacquelyn's Space

Yeah, I know that old saying, “Same shit, different day.” I know it. I don’t know why a friend chose to post a rather opaque Facebook post about work if it was the same shit…what’s it worth posting about then?

But of course, here I am, wanting to write in blog but not knowing what I want to write about other than I don’t write enough, I haven’t met my goals yet, and I am exhausted. Same shit, different day. Just not as mysterious as my friend’s post. Well, perhaps not. There are all those things I want to write about but never do, either because I lack the energy or I am afraid to delve deeper. At least on my blog.

Do you realize I have kept this blog since 2007? That is a long time. 11 years. I don’t write in it much anymore but I need to pick it back up. I wrote some good posts back in the day and it made me feel vital. I need to feel vital again.

Not that I had many readers but it helped me keep the flow going. Helped my creativity and hell, even my energy. People say exercise energizes but I think it is writing that energizes me…yet I am afraid to do it because once I start, it consumes me and I am no good for anything else. It is exhausting too–the real deep writing. It makes my body ache when I am doing it right. Just like exercise.

So, yes. I need more writing in my life, and more exercise. I am becoming more lazy with age. That isn’t that scary–I’ve always been somewhat lazy–the scary thing is, I’ve become more accepting of things…and my brain and my body seem to want to shut down, go on automatic pilot. I cannot have that. “Do not go gentle into that good night!”

“Do not go gentle into that good night!”

And,

quit accepting the same shit everyday.

Work, work, work. That’s all I’ve been doing lately. I’ve been averaging about about 50 hours a week. Last week I think I worked about 60.

The house is a mess. All I want to do on my days off–when I have one–is sleep. That’s what I did this afternoon.

Well, in the morning, after I dropped my husband off at work, I did start laundry and dishes. Watched some TV and then slept. My nephew gets dropped off at my house so I took him home when I woke up from my nap, then went to the grocery story to appease a craving for cheesecake.

Now I am home and it’s late. I didn’t do much with my day and guess what? I still have laundry and dishes to do, plus a million other little things. AND homework. Don’t forget the homework.

All I want to do it chill, watch TV or read a novel. Maybe do some coloring. I am 46 going on 47 and this is what I want to do. LOL. The life of a non-traditional student I guess. Well one that lacks a lot of energy and/or motivation. One that is a late bloomer.

Is it time for me to retire yet?

Nope, I haven’t even really gotten started yet. Ugh/LMAO

I signed up for classes to complete my master’s degree this fall!! I am super excited I got one of the books for one of the classes yesterday–The St. Martin’s Guide to Teaching Writing–I want to gobble it up.

I started on a master’s degree in 2012. Life got in the way and I haven’t completed it yet. I did go back to school last fall only to stop again over the winter due to financial and other issues. Well I got my shit together enough to get my previous semester paid up and I signed up for classes fall 2018 🙂 I really only need 1 class (and to complete some 2-3 classes I took “Incompletes” in due to family issues way back when I started) though I signed up for two. One of the classes is one I have been wanting to take forever and with one of my favorite professors. I really think I can get everything done now. I know I can do the work, I just hope my professors (for the incompletes) will work with me. I am almost certain 2 of the 3 will. I may have some red tape to unwind or slash through…

My husband and I went to the Flint Art Fair today. I haven’t been “out” in a while. All I’ve been doing is working and going to the dentist, ha ha. So I went to the art fair, bought some pottery, and listened to some live music. It wasn’t a bad deal for the $5 admission price. We mostly went for the music, The Rusty Wright Band was playing (one of my husband’s favorites). The music was good–blues from a Flint band 🙂 I’d like to go again next year and really shop the art. I only visited one booth because I really don’t need to buy more stuff. Looked like they had some really good stuff too. Parking was atrocious though. We parked at Applewood and walked over. It was a nice afternoon out–walks through Applewood, art, and live blues.

https://www.flintartfair.org/

I love my new job. I love the work. Of course, I wish it paid better but…

Lately, my knees have been stealing my joy. My knees and my legs hurt and get stiff. Mostly it has been my knees. I cannot pinpoint the exact problem but it is effecting my mobility and is making for some bad, painful days. I get angry too. I finally find a job I enjoy and I have to deal with pain and the fear that I may not be able to do it. So I have had some bad days lately.

Yesterday was a very bad day though, and not just because of my knees.

My first transport: I picked up a patient for a colonoscopy. I took him–and his sister–to the hospital in which he was to have the procedure. A third party set up the procedure appointment and his transportation. Only that his name was not on the list. What in the hell? So this patient has gotten ready his colonoscopy and they don’t have him on the list. I was pissed for him and his sister. And I hate to leave these people before I know what is going on. After a few phone calls, the patient is told that they will try to work him in. This of course, will push back his procedure time, which will screw up his sister’s schedule, and she wants to reschedule and leave. I am told that the third party that arranged this may not pay for the patient’s transport if he wants to go home because he is refusing treatment. At this point I don’t know what to do because I hate to leave these people stranded but dispatch has given me another transport. The people decided to stay but they weren’t happy. It wasn’t my fault but I felt bad for them and hope the man got his procedure close to the time originally scheduled (the poor man was hungry too), for his and his sister’s sake.

My second transport: I picked up a lady at the hospital and transferred her to a nearby facility. Nothing too strenuous except that she had a suitcase and 2-3 bags plus a walker too. Her sister and brother were there and right away the sister was pissed at me. She was pissed because I wasn’t an ambulance crew–I was only one person instead of two. Like that is my fault. She is wondering how we are going to transport all her sister’s stuff. I am not too worried about it. First, the patient is my priority, not their stuff. Second, I have always found a way to transport the stuff when family members weren’t around to help, and in this case this patient had 2 family members there to help. I wasn’t too concerned and I guess my lack of concern irked the sister. Usually a nurse is right there assisting and offers a cart and and a CNA to help. Of course, yesterday, the nurse was not around and no one was being helpful. I folded up the patient’s walker and her sister got pissy about that, “I’d rather have it unfolded so I can put these bags on it.” Okay, but then I couldn’t unfold the damn thing. There a nurse did help but he couldn’t get it unfolded at first either. The sister looked at me accusingly, “I hope you didn’t break it.” I just took a deep breath–because by that time I was ready to tell this bitch off and jet–and said, “I hope not.” It wasn’t broken, just the damn lines for the brakes (brakes on a walker? Who needs it!) were getting caught in the frame, preventing it from unfolding. Finally we get going. I get the patient down to the van and load the patient while her family watches, talking about how they can’t believe there aren’t two people on a wheelchair van (or ambulance as people all too often mistakenly call us) and how this job was too much for one person. I get the patient’s stuff loaded. Then the sister has to the nerve to ask me for a ride to her car. Um, no. I am not supposed to do that. Sorry.

I had a dream last night that I was looking at my body, my abdomen more specifically. In the dream I was noticing how I had lost a lot of weight and it was flattening out nicely. It looked good. 🙂 So I got up today and weighed myself. I have lost almost 3 pounds! That is after being stuck on the same weight for a month. Great! I have lost a total of 24 pounds since last February.

The silly thing is I have been eating pretty much whatever I want. Candy, cheese, about a donut or pastry a day…whatever. I just haven’t been eating as much as I used to, most days. I suppose I am not eating as much junk food, like chips, as I used to. I still do every once in a while but I am pretty sick of it all. I don’t know. This seems very weird to me. Good but weird. Too easy. Like, am I sick or something?