Jacquelyn's Space

I am disgusted with people right now. I am especially disgusted with our nation. I cannot stand Donald Trump, who I will henceforth refer to as dump. I cannot believe so many people actually voted for his dumb ass and through our antiquated way of doing things in this country, he won the election in 2016. He didn’t win the vote but he won the election. Now it is 2020 and he is still in office, even after being the worst president imaginable. So what if the economy is good, well, supposedly good. It is only good for some–the rich–not all. I think it is so-so for the vast majority of us. Shitty still, for too many. Yeah, jobs are up but there still isn’t enough good jobs to go around. People have to work 2 or more jobs to make ends meet or get ahead…or work a whole lot of overtime if they are lucky enough to get it. Wages, well wages still suck but supposedly they are keeping pace with inflation (or just about). I think I heard that. It doesn’t feel like it. The rest of the country is in the toilet. We are a divided nation. Too many people are ignorant and don’t value education, though even if they did, our education system sucks. Higher education is too costly and the payoff isn’t there any more. Healthcare sucks–to many going without care they need, too many vulnerable people. And too many people don’t care. They just don’t care. Their attitude is, “I got mine,” so basically fuck the rest. Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers. Oh, I hate religion too. Our country is filled with hypocrites and Christians are the worst of them. And dump and all his followers (I call them trumphumpers), they like to think they are the best Christians and want our nation to be held to their values…only their values suck. They are judgmental and tribal. They are xenophobic values, racist values, sexist values. They want to take us back the “the good old days” of the 1950s only they don’t care that those good old days weren’t so good for everybody. Viva la oppression, viva la patriarchy, (fuck) baise la liberté!! We only want freedom for those that believe in Jesus, white Jesus, the patriarchy, and rich men, (big business/corporations)and capitalism (the almighty Dollar) as our true ideal. Keep us ignorant and looking toward the imaginary Father in the sky for all the answers, and keep working, earning those almighty dollars to show yourself as a productive member of society. Yes, viva la stupidite aussi. But fuck the teachings of Jesus yet in Jesus’s name we pray.

So fucking done with American “values”–lets work hard for the man so the man can fucking screw us. That’s what were here for, isn’t it. To be screwed and only that. Grab ’em by the pussy.

Disgusting/Disgusted.

And,

frustrated.

Frustrated with myself for playing along with the system. Frustrated for being a good consumer and racking up debts. Frustrated I keep making the same mistakes. Frustrated I bought into the American dream but the dream had become a nightmare before I realized it.

Frustrated with life right now.

I love my blog. I feel like writing more right now. I hope it lasts because the more I write, the more I want to write, and the more I do write, and I write more than just in this, my mundane blog. I do love this type of writing though, journaling, and like I’ve said before, the blogging format keeps it easy and accessible. I feel it is worth repeating the above for anyone who cares as well as this: Per my About Me page, this is my personal and eclectic blog about nothing in particular but the trials and tribulations of my daily life. I don’t know if it is of interest to anyone but me (or if it will ever be) nor do I care. It is for me but if I have a reader or readers and it can help someone or amuse someone (or even change someone’s mind about me or something) then that is a bonus, so be it. I don’t write anything shocking or informative…though through the years I have played with ideas of writing a more directed and themed blogs. Overall I am generally too lazy to write that type of blog but I am thinking about it again. This time I am thinking about a blog about learning the tarot cards. I think that would be fun. Maybe I’ll pair it with a YouTube channel. That would be something new for me. It all comes down to how long I will feel like writing and if I will have the energy for it. Maybe if I think of it as a job, and schedule time for it, I will be more successful. I should do it. Blog love!

I received my bucket list book. Looks really cute but it and another book I ordered arrived wet!! I have to send them back. Amazon is sending my replacements but c’mon! Why did they package books in an envelope that wasn’t waterproof and why did the mail main leave my stuff on the porch to get all wet? Stupid!

I wish I would have been into working in my 20s as I am now. Working 60 hours a week now isn’t all that terrible to me now but in my twenties I was lucky if I was able to work 40 hours and still have my sanity. Of course, having jobs you like does make a difference. IDK…wish I would have found jobs I like way back then and I’d be much farther ahead. Still working toward my passion though.

I was sick yesterday. I had to miss work and I am so pissed that I missed those hours. Irritated. I was fine Saturday, my day off, until about 11pm…Intestines started feeling a bit swirly, then I started having watery diarrhea. In the middle of the night I puked my guts out, or so I thought. That is not like me. I usually don’t even vomit…

Oh, but I wasn’t finished. I went into work feeling like death. Sat around for almost an hour hoping to feel better. I didn’t even start my van. I went to bathroom and puked some more–got some on my uniform. I knew I was done at that point. I had to get someone to come in and work for me. Luckily someone did.

I stayed in bed all day Sunday. I even ordered my groceries–needed broth and Vernor’s. I didn’t eat anything all day yesterday regardless. Now I am feeling better. Yay! But why did I have to miss a day of work? Booo!

Now I am ready to work and it is my day off. I have 2 off in a row, though I still go into McDonald’s for 3 hours each morning. I guess I will have to work on getting stuff done around the house.

When my hours got cut at work, I immediately complained on Facebook not realizing that only 2 hours were actually taken from me (but it is a loss of about $40 a week). Well, you know, I gotta complain on Facebook or why have it? LOL. But I complained and my complaints were answered with a job offer. First time my complaints were that noticeably productive. It wasn’t for a job I particularly wanted but I appreciated it and pursued it all the same. I am serious about paying down some bills and saving to go back to grad school! My friend is a manager at McDonald’s and said she needed someone in the morning to work my favorite spot–back cash in the drive-thru. So I am now working M-F 5am to 8am before I go to my full-time gig. It works out quite well except I have to get up super early (not my forte) but so far I’m lovin it. Ha!

No, when I got back my back cash gig it was like I never left. The customers seem nicer at the store I am working at (compared to my old store) and I love working with my friend. I had a pit in my stomach and felt depression knocking at the door when I considered taking the job but now that I am back at I really do enjoy it. I get lots of compliments from the customers–one told me I was “so cheery” even though I am blurry eyed and droopy tailed in the morning. I do try to pull it together for the customers though, and I give them smiles and I hope I brighten their morning, or at least their commute to work. One lady told me I “look like a little angel.” This both gratified me and amused me. If only she knew….

Plus, I get the joy of helping a friend out. She had it really rough there in the morning, trying to handle both the front and the back end, plus do her manager stuff. She said she was so happy to have me there in the morning. So YAY! And now I have some extra money to pay off bills with.

Ugh, but I am tired. I am working about 63 hours a week. I didn’t think I could do it. I am motivated though…but I gotta turn this motivation to looking for a better job.

I hate thinking about looking for a job. I love my medical transport gig. I get lots of compliments there too. It is a rewarding job. One of my regulars, who I want to adopt as my grandpa, kept telling me to be careful on the roads and get home safe. He thanked me for getting him home safe (the roads were bad) and said to me, “You get home safe too. I wouldn’t want to lose you.” Awww.

But I have to look for another job. I helped a lady (I transported) try to get home care and also called an elderly day program to see if they could help her. I would love to do that full-time–set people up with resources and programs. These home care places have what they call a care coordinator and I feel like that is something that I would be good at. A transport also told me I have a calming personality (I’ll have to write more about that in another post)…and that made me really want to make a push to get some kind of counseling degree. It wasn’t the first time I have been told that but it is always good to here. I just love helping people and making them feel better.

I wish they could pay us more. I know it is a low wage job; I almost said low skill but it truly isn’t. Sure, I don’t need any certifications besides a chauffeur’s license to do the job but you do have to have skills to do it properly. I know I’ll never make the kind of money I want to make at it but I think they should give us a raise. We never get raises. My husband has been getting raises steady (as a paramedic, I/C, and now a field training officer) since he has been with the company (nice raises too) and that makes me happy. I am glad they recognize his value. I feel like the company does recognize my value too but perhaps does not recognize the value of the wheelchair division or make the most of the division. We all need a little raise, regardless if the division is not a money maker. I was told they do it as a community service but I know they need us to keep a contract too. Our business is picking up somewhat since the first weeks of January. I feel like management could really go after some new business too, or come up with a plan to have the drivers–at least some of us– go after new business other than handing out pens and post-it notes. I haven’t come up with a solid plan for that yet but it is on my mind.

I don’t know. Some of it has to do with our dispatch. They don’t pay attention to our division like they should. I don’t think they know what customer service is. I had one little dispatcher (her father is a dispatcher and her grandfather was, so it is a legacy position, ha) once tell me (earlier on in my career as a medical transporter) that I was the low man on the totem pole (meaning our job was of low value or prestige). Okay, way to make me feel good and valued. That showed me what the dispatchers think of our division. I told this little girl though, that I don’t care that I am low man on the totem pole, that I wasn’t bother by or don’t care about rank (not seniority), prestige or low pay, I was helping people. I don’t think she understood but I do and I have to always remember that because it matters.

Recently, one dispatcher who think’s he knows everything (he is insecure when it comes down to it), told two drivers that our “division doesn’t matter” because it isn’t a money maker. That made us feel real good. UGH!! I had a bad attitude for a few days after that until I really helped a couple of transports out and they thanked and complimented me. I started thinking about all the times I have went above and beyond for people and how many people need help out there, as well as how many people have told me that the wheelchair transport is a valuable resource. I already knew that dispatcher was full of shit but dealing with people that need my help helped me remember my value.

Management needs to do something about that attitude though and they need to knock dispatch down a peg but they don’t. At least that is the feeling among the wheelchair division. One driver said our ops manager defends dispatch like they are his mother, haha. It does seem so. I know when our old ops manager was in place, he knocked on dispatcher down a peg in regards to her treatment of me. I miss our old manager.

“Somebody’s gotta be the ditch digger” is what my dad always told me. I keep remembering that.

Look, I have held low valued jobs all my life. I like serving people (even food). I love helping people. I would just love to make more money and have better benefits. The prestige associated with the job (or lack of) doesn’t bother me…something needs to be done about pay though, and people’s attitude towards low prestige job workers, because more and more of these low prestige jobs are needed and more and more workers are turning away from them because they don’t pay and they get shit on by management and co-workers. If you are lucky enough to find a job that makes you happy, it would be nice to have good pay and benefits to go along with it, and some respect, rather than having to pursue something that may not make you happy just to feel like people respect you more. So much in this world is out of whack and doesn’t make sense. People that help people aren’t paid shit, while people that are basically paper pushers or are clock watchers, whatever,  make way too much money.

But I’m working it. Hanging in there. One benefit of working at McDonald’s again is it makes me feel like a teenager. LOL. And I feel like a guest star because I get to come in, do my thing, smile for the customers, and get the fuck out. Then I go to the gig I love and maybe catch a nap.