Jacquelyn's Space

OK, call me immature but this makes me laugh so hard I cry…

 

 

I am so happy right now – today I got my close reading paper back for Literary Analysis (finally!) and I got an A. The professor wrote on it "wonderful" and "Great close reading!" YES!! It perked me right up when I got it. I needed that too because I have 3 stinkin’ tests on Wednesday and I needed a kick in the pants to get me going.

I am still waiting to get my poetry analysis back from that prof though. I can’t wait anymore, I don’t think I did so hot on it. I think my paper is fine but I don’t think the professor will like it.

 

I also got an A on my second Theatre/Drama paper. I am happy about that but papers for that class are easier to write because they are opinion papers whereas the  Literary Analysis papers have been on form – I have to keep my opinions to myself.  That is difficult for me – LOL.

 

I am going to post my paper in my blog because I am proud of it and it is an interesting passage from the book – I think it is amusing.

 

From the book:

Waiting for the Barbarians

By J.M. Coetzee

 

Page 45

“Sometimes my sex seemed to me another being entirely, a stupid animal living parasitically upon me, swelling and dwindling according to autonomous appetites, anchored to my flesh with claws I could not detach. Why do I have to carry you about from woman to woman, I asked: simply because you were born without legs? Would it make any difference to you if you were rooted in a cat or a dog instead of me?”

 

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This passage illustrates the Magistrate’s growing disenchantment with himself and his sexual behavior. The Magistrate is beginning to see himself as an unwilling participant in his life, pulled along by desires and expectations out of his control, whether it is through his own body or through the Empire. In fact, the author J.M. Coetzee is using the Magistrate’s penis to symbolically represent the Empire.

The magistrates disenchantment with his penis, thus with the Empire, is represented throughout the whole passage but is best illustrated through this line, “Sometimes my sex seemed to me another being entirely, a stupid animal living parasitically upon me, swelling and dwindling according to autonomous appetites, anchored to my flesh with claws I could not detach.” Overall, Coetzee wants the reader to feel that the Magistrate is controlled by a faceless entity or idea. 

First, the Magistrate refers to his penis as “my sex” which depersonalizes it. Coetzee chose this phrase to make the magistrate’s penis seem unimportant, a mere biological designation. Then he goes on to give the penis a sort of personification through the use of the word being, likening it to a stupid animal. Coetzee wants the reader to think of the penis as not part of the Magistrate – he wants the reader to picture the penis (or ‘being’) as a mere biological functioning entity with no intelligence other than that of survival (a stupid animal). The words stupid and animal are used here to show that the penis did not have the intelligence of a human. Not only is the penis a stupid animal, it is a parasite. It derives its nourishment and mobility from the host – which is the Magistrate.

The penis is in control of the Magistrate through its “swelling and dwindling”. Swelling refers to an erection – the penis swells when it wants to ‘feed’; dwindling refers to the penis when it is flaccid, or sated. The Magistrate is powerless against this routine; he does not have control over it and does not understand why it occurs. Indeed the next words in the sentence gives evidence to this for the penis is “swelling and dwindling according to autonomous appetites”. Coetzee chose the word autonomous to illustrate the Magistrate’s belief that the penis has freedom and a will of its own. It also has an appetite – it hungers or desires for things the magistrate does not. Coetzee is trying to dissociate the Magistrate from the desires of his penis and to illustrate his feeling of being controlled by this thing that is “anchored to (his) my flesh with claws I could not detach.” The words anchor and claws brings about the feeling of pain in relationship to the word flesh. Also, the word anchor evokes the feeling of weight or heaviness and permanence in which the Magistrate cannot be separated from. Coetzee uses claws to continue with the whole animalistic being theme.

 In the last part of the passage, the Magistrate begins to have an internal dialogue with himself or between himself and his penis. He asks rhetorical questions of his penis, such as, “Why do I have to carry you about from woman to woman, I asked: simply because you were born without legs? Would it make any difference to you if you were rooted in a cat or a dog instead of me?” This sentence as a whole, with the reference to “a cat or a dog” (this also calls to mind that whole stupid animal theme again) makes the reader question the Magistrates importance in the scheme of things. He is just a host, anyone or anything else will do. The word carry is used to make the Magistrate just a passive assistant, the “legs” of this parasite, his penis, moving it from place to place, meal to meal, conquest to conquest – “from woman to woman”. Coetzee uses the word rooted in the last sentence to suggest just how much the penis (the Empire) is a part of the Magistrate. Rooted means to have put down roots, to be firmly implanted or embedded into an organ or structure.

            This passage occurs early on it the book. Winter has set in, Colonel Joll has left and the Magistrate realizes he cannot, or does not want to have sex with the blind girl. At first read, this passage might not seem that important in relationship to the text as whole; possibly just a few amusing sentences. But with further analysis into it, especially in relationship to what had just happened – the Magistrate’s inability to have sex with the blind girl; it becomes clear that Coetzee wants this passage to show that the Magistrate is starting to question his behavior, his desires, and his own autonomy in relationship to these.

 

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Here is a llink to info about the book (plot synopsis). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waiting_for_the_Barbarians

  

 

I have never written the word ‘penis’ so many times in my life LOL! I feel like Dr Ruth Westheimer.

Am I a whole person? Today I am feeling so scattered… so shattered that I do not feel whole. I feel like I need to pick up the pieces of myself and try to integrate them into one whole person. It is school that does this to me. Analyzing literature, to be more specific. It makes me think of things within me that I had long forgotten and buried. I get angry that I had buried this part of myself… this artsy, creative part. I get angry because I don’t know how to express this. I don’t think I have the energy or the time or maybe not even the talent and tools. Why do I doubt myself? I do obviously – I buried this part. OK, maybe I didn’t bury it completely but I continously try to push it away, hide it for some unknown reason. Am I afraid? I know I get so angry about this but then I push it back down again. This drives me crazy.

 

This is why people should go to college when they are young! More time to deal with stuff and nonsense like this. Also younger people can get away with the self-centeredness it takes to work through this stuff (stuff just about encompasses what I am feeling right now!).

 

Some of the people are so informed. I envy them. As much as I abhor politics, I want to know what brought us to this financial mess we are in now. I have an idea, I have suspicions, but I want to know definitively how America got to this present crisis. Argh, I am afraid I don’t have enough time in the day to understand all this. All I know is this is BS and I am pissed off. Where is the accountability for this crisis? Why aren’t the bank CEO’s being arrested and their assets seized? What about the accountability of politicians who have profited from (and will still profit from) this mess? Yeah, we get a measly stimulus package and then have to bailout the BANKS?? What?? NICE.  I guess I have been sticking my head in the sand, so to speak. But what can I do? I think this is the trouble with most Americans – we feel helpless.

 

Yeah, and wasn’t it Bush a few months ago (not even that long ago) saying that we are not in a recession – the economy is strong? Now he comes to us, hat in hand, asking ‘please pass this bailout. Please, o please! If you do it will stimulate the economy (or avert a recession/depression) and the banks will be able to loan out more money and everything will stabalize’ Yeah right! So the banks get bailed out, we foot the bill, and we get to borrow money again. WOW, gee thanks. Wasn’t that what got us into this mess in the first place? We are borrowing too much money we cannot expect to pay back because our economic system is being eroded (our good paying jobs are being lost – either being sent overseas or downsized) by CEO’s greed, by the very industries that need to be bailed out. This is the hypocrisy I was talking about in my other blogs.

 

OK, done ranting for now.

Tonight is the first time in a while that I have had a little time to myself because I have been running, running. I should be working on homework (darn papers!) but I need to unwind. I went to the Doctor’s today and my blood pressure was high – really high. I never have high blood pressure – it is always on the low side. I am not sure what is up with that but it is scary. I have been exhausted too, so when I am not running, I am sleeping and I try to squeeze some studying in there also. I really needed this time tonight to relax. I like writing in this blog, it is somewhat relaxing.

 

I was running all week but the highlight of the week was Saturday and Sunday:

 

Saturday was my stepson’s first band competition. He plays trombone in marching band. The band did really well – his school won first place. He was pretty excited about that. He has competitions for the next 5 or 6 Saturdays. It is a lot of work for him but he really enjoys it. It is nice to see him perform, and it is interesting to watch how the band improves over time. They have come a long way in just a few weeks.

 

Sunday was my (one of my very best friends) sis, Rachel’s wedding. She called me about a month ago and told me she was getting married and I had to come to the small reception at her Mom’s house. Her and her fiance (they have a baby boy together) were just going to get married at the courthouse and it was no big deal. I told her I wanted to be at the ceremony but she said just make sure to come to the reception. We live far away from each other, and because we are so busy, we do not get to talk as much as we would like (or see each other ). Well in the blink of an eye, her wedding is a week away and it has become an actual ceremony. I talked to her last week and surprise, she said "you know I want you to be in the wedding" OK. So I was in a wedding this past Sunday. I don’t know, for some reason I didn’t think she was serious. I thought only her daughter was going to stand up with her. Luckily the dress I wore to the wedding ended up matching the color scheme. The wedding turned out to be really nice for being quickly put together. It was a lovely country wedding, and fun was had by all. Even my stepson had fun. He hung out with Rachel’s daughter and her friends the whole time. They really seemed to hit it off (they had met before but it has been a year since they seen each other). Check out the pictures I took. Rachel and Stephanie look gorgeous. Rachel’s wedding made me want to have a wedding all over again, or at least put my wedding gown on. LOL.

 

Silliness

 

 We had to hurry home from the wedding Sunday in order to get Jordan back to his mom’s house (and I had homework). Well, we wanted to stop by his Aunt’s house (which we did) and my Mom’s to hit them up with a band fundraiser. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time all week-end or the week prior with all the running around (as it is Jordan forgot all about the form but luckily his Dad and I had picked one up).

 

We stopped by my Mom’s and I got to see my little nephews. I took them along with me when I took Jordan back to his mom’s house. I don’t know why I did that, seeing as how we were in a time crunch but it was fun . My nephews are so silly. Jordan wanted to get something to eat since he did not eat before he left the wedding (and there was tons of food too). So we planned on stopping at McDonalds but did not plan on getting the little ones anything because they had dinner waiting for them at Grandma’s. Yeah right! We are driving down the road and my 4 year old nephew, Lil Kenny said "Aunt Jackie I’m hungry" and "Aunt Jackie if you go straight down this road there is a McDonalds. I want McDonalds" Dang it! hahahaha, kids always know about McDonalds. So we head on toward McDs. As we are pulling into McDs, my car starts dinging and the door ajar light comes on!!! My 2 year old nephew had opened his door. Yikes! Luckily he was strapped into his car seat. Then Lil Kenny wants to go inside the McDonalds – sorry kid, no time. I pull up to the drive through and could barely order because I was laughing so hard, Lil Kenny was shouting what he wanted, and Lil Alex mimicking his brother. I got him and Alex nuggets. I figured that would be less messy (originally Kenny wanted a cheeseburger Happy meal and nuggets!!). We get the food and Kenny demands "Where’s the sauce?" hahaha, you’re not getting any! Aren’t I mean? Then Kenny says "I’m firsty" He wanted lemonade and mean Aunt Jackie didn’t get him any and Jordan wasn’t sharing his pop.  I know this is a very silly story but I had fun and I want to remember it. I need to spend more time with my nephews.

 

Good times, good times!