Jacquelyn's Space

(or “wat ive been up to” – I stole that from my stepson)

 

I have been wanting to write and blog like crazy these past weeks but I have not had the energy. I have been so tired and also have been dealing with a major sinus infection/allergies which has been kicking my butt. Now I am beginning to feel better and I need to get back to working on my writing. Blogging (writing easy stuff like what I have been up to) always seems to help me – once I start writing then I really get going and don’t want to stop. Then I can begin to work on more complicated writing. So I am going to write about what I have been up to since about the end of April. I also like to blog because then I go back and remember what was going on, how I was feeling, any tough times I may have gotten through.

 

School

 

Argh! It was a rough semester. I think it was because I was so exhausted. I really have been having a rough year (from about last year, June to this June) health wise which had manifested into a depression. It really sucks having to deal with health issues, being exhausted all the time, and being depressed on top of it all. In addition to trying to work, go to school, and be there for my family. I pulled it through though. I actually did a lot better than I thought I would. I got 2 As and a B.

 

I actually got an A in my College Algebra class! Wahoo! Thank God for partial and extra credit! It was rough going and half the time I didn’t know what I was doing. It was mostly graphing and I hate graphing. Silly me, I could have bought a calculator but I didn’t really want to spend a lot of money on a graphing calculator I would never use again. Let me tell you though, I sure was annoyed (that’s putting it mildly, I was actually about to rip my hair out on a couple of the tests) when I was taking a test and all the other students were clicking away on their calculators. Hehe. I guess I will have to remember that feeling and not try to be super student next time and buy any tools allowed.

 

My sociology class – Race and Ethnic Relations was easy specially since I already know a lot about African American history/culture and also about different ethnic groups (I have worked with a lot of different people and I try to learn from people I come in contact with). I got an A in that class. I really ended up liking that class. It was fun although the professor (who is a nice guy and had a lot of info) was a little boring. The other students were fun. Overall, I like discussing race issues and studying different cultures/histories/points of view so the class was a breeze.

 

I squeaked in with a B in Community Psychology. That was a hard class and I just could not get into it. The professor is not a good lecturer and I often found myself dozing off in class (that really sucks for all the money I pay for school). A lot of the theories in community psych seem to be sociological theories re-named. I guess it should have been easy but talking all theory bores me – I am sick of theories. I was hoping we would get out into the community or something. I want to learn how to counsel people and help people, DANG IT! There was a lot of writing for this class and the tests were super hard. I actually got all C’s on the tests but my writing saved me. We had to do 3 papers and one big group project and paper which I got all A’s on so that pulled my grade up.

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ARGH! Well I’m back. I have been so sick, exhausted and busy of course. I really need to get to writing though. This blog is going to be one hot mess but I really want to write it. I will just have to add to it little by little until I get into the groove. I want to remember this past year. The theme is ‘the good with the bad’  Ok, so back to school.

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The thing about school I want to remember is the group projects. I had 2 group projects in my sociology class. They went OK. I met some good people in that class. Just one group project, even though we got an A plus extra credit on, was kind of a mess. It was a small group of 3. We got together to discuss the project. It was hard keeping everyone focused. Then one of the group members took responsibilty for making a powerpoint. Cool, great idea but since he took charge of the powerpoint and did not want to share control it ended up being too long and also confusing. Me and the other group member did not see the powerpoint before we had to present – big mistake. Our stuff, the way we wanted to present, was all out of order. The guy who did the powerpoint even added some extra stuff in there for me to talk about, which I had no idea about. Gee thanks! I dealt with it though. Hahaha, even getting the powerpoint working was a hassle – it took about 5 – 10 minutes of messing around with the computer to get it going. I am not sure what the problem was but it was a little embarrassing. Well, we got it going, did our presentation, and although it did not go how I would have liked it to go, it turned out alright. I guess I learned 3 things from that (or they were re-affirmed) – 1) Don’t be afraid to give up control of some of the project, but 2) insist on looking at any powerpoints or presentation materials before the presentation, and 3) I am my own harshest critic. I usually get better grades on stuff than I judge my work is worth.

 

The group project in psychology was a big mess. That one made me so mad and bent me out of shape. I learned some lessons with that one too, but maybe a little opposed to what I learned from the sociology projects. I think maybe I should have taken control on this project. As a group (a group we had formed at the beginning of class from people that were sitting around us – we were stuck with the whole throughout the whole class) we had to research and develop a  program to address an issue in community psych. We had to write a paper about our research and make a presentation all about our project. It was a very in-depth project with a lot of points in community psych to cover.

 

 

My husband and I took our dog for a walk tonight. The poor dog, Wally, had not been on a walk for a couple of weeks. We used to take him more often but we got busy, fat and lazy (Wally included – his butt was wore out). Heehee. It is nice to go out at night – cooler and usually more peaceful. A farmer was actually out with his big tractor plowing (originally I wrote ploughing but I had to look it up – I guess that is the British version. I find myself writing some of my words in Brit form. Weird) tonight. I hope no one was trying to sleep.   

 

It was a lovely walk tonight though.  I felt like I could walk for hours tonight. I would have if I didn’t have a ton of stuff to get done. Why can’t I have that kind of energy all the time? I do get a little more energized at night but not as much as I used to. Lately (maybe the past couple of years) I have felt just plain wore out. It really sucks. It was nice to feel a little more lively tonight.

 

Walking at night makes me think of that old Patsy Cline song and my sis Rachel. She used to go out walking, after midnight, thinking about her Ricky. Well sometimes she would end up knocking at Ricky’s bedroom window for a late night rendevous but that is a story for another blog. I just usually think of her when I am walking at night. She’ll like that.

Yesterday was my husband and my 2nd wedding anniversary but our 10th year together.

 

My husband had the flu and I wasn’t feeling to great myself – allergies are so bad this year and I have some stinkin’ cold that won’t go away.  Darn it!  We spent some time together anyway and we had fun the night before. We went and saw a great blues band, Michal Bailey Band. They tour all over the US so if they are ever in your town definitely go and check them out. http://www.michalbailey.com/

 

I am excited we are going to Mackinac Island this week to celebrate our anniversary. We honeymooned there and are trying to make it an annual thing (although I was torn this year – kind of wanted to go as a family but I think we may be back for a day in July). Well, we booked our room a while back at our island home away from home, The Murray Hotel. http://www.4mackinac.com/mh_murrayhotel Now I find out we could have booked the Grand Hotel for a little bit more. Darn it again! They are advertising sepcial rates. http://www.grandhotel.com/ It has always been my dream to stay at the Grand Hotel. Oh, I’ve had tea on the porch with my husband and stepson and that was really nice but I would love to stay there. They provide breakfast and dinner, which my husband’s boss raves about the food (lucky him – he stays there every year). I have been telling myself that if I lose weight and get down to my goal weight (gotta have a goal and definitely a reward) then I will treat myself to a stay at the Grand… and some new clothes of course – you have to dress for dinner. Here are some of our pics from when we went on the porch. These are from a long time ago. I almost cried when I went on the porch because I had always wanted to since I was little girl coming to the island. Yeah I’m a bit of a sentimental dork!

 

 My stepson is so silly and looks so small. When I was a lil’bit thinner.

Is he grabbing the horse’s butt? haha

 

I love those pics. All this writing about and looking at pics of the Island is making me super excited to go. So I checked the weather forecast….it is forecasted to rain just about every day we are there! Double Darn it! Oh well, we will have fun anyway, just have to pack umbrellas and raincoats . As luck would have it Michal Bailey Band is going to be on the island as well as the comedian  http://home.earthlink.net/~stumail/ we seen 2 years in a row (and they serve the best drinks at that venue – I got buzzed off just 1, drunk off 2 haha). I also want to check out a tour of the Haunts of Mackinac Island. http://www.hauntsofmackinac.com/ Can’t wait…

"With her questions, she was striving to understand, as she had striven all her life, and she was tired to death of this search for meaning. She would never know why some people committed countless little cruelties – or bigger ones – and the struggle to understand had only exhausted her and left her empty, cold, and gray inside."

 

From the novel Intensity by Dean Koontz

 

I can identify with that passage from the book. That is exactly how I have been feeling and may be the root of my recent struggle with depression.

I have to give props to my husband today. He actually just celebrated his birthday not too long ago – maybe I should have written a blog honoring him then. Well this blog is just a little piece to honor the impact he has made on my life. I really have a wonderful husband – one of the very best. I have never had anyone as supportive of me as he has been and always is and I truly appreciate it even though I may not show it. I feel bad at times – I am supportive of him too but it is a little rough for us because this past year. I have been sick, depressed (things have been getting to me – the way some people act or treat others, the crappy economy, my health issues – ARGH!), and I also only have been working part time (in school full time) and not contributing barely at all to the family finances. This frustrates me. At times I have even been a major bitch!  It has been an emotional rollercoaster this year. Yeah, like I said, I feel bad but he never makes me feel that way and actually tries to make me feel better when I have a low moment. We can always talk things out, which is great. I hope I make him feel better in his low moments too. A lot of women complain about their husbands or men in general and I am lucky enough to not have to deal with any of that drama. I have someone who I can trust, who trusts me; someone I can rely on; someone with whom I can talk things out with; someone who is thoughtful and considerate (well he is not perfect – I did plant my ass in the toilet bowl the other night ) …. I just can’t describe how fortunate I am that I have the husband that I do. I got lucky when I found my husband. 

 

Well actually I didn’t find him, a mutual friend set us up. We both were working at Meijer (a retail and grocery store) but we really didn’t know each other. I was hanging out with this one girl – Janelle, and she kind of brought us together. She got a group of us together to hang out after work at a nearby bar. That is when I really ‘met’ my husband. I always just knew him as "the annoying guy that works in the shoe department that talks way too much when I am trying to nap in the break room." Hahaha – sorry hubby, you know I love you (remember that first year I brought you beer and white chocolate for your birthday?). I kind of knew he was interested in me that first night we went out. I wasn’t really interested in him  – only as a friend and someone to hang with. I was a little scared of relationships at that time, I just wanted to have fun, fun, fun. We did have a lot of fun but again, didn’t think I wanted a relationship at that time. Specially with someone who was divorced and who had a young child. Like I said, all I wanted was some fun and I think that is all he wanted too – I don’t think he was interested in a relationship at the time either (haha, probably just sex, which he picked the wrong girl for that kind of relationship!!). So we went out and had a great time. He took me slumming in the nearby hickville town he volunteered in as a paramedic, we hung out with his uber nerdy friend Travis, as well as a few other characters. We just had fun, playing pool, playing board games all night, getting drunk, dancing at the bar, and all around acting silly. I didn’t really know where the relationship was heading, was a little scared it was heading in a direction I wasn’t prepared for, but I went with it. At the risk of souding like a dork … somewhere along the way he snagged my heart.  Our relationship developed pretty fast once I got over being scared of it and where I suspected ours was headed (haha against my better judgment, or so I thought at the time). The rest is history. Thank God I didn’t scare myself away (or let other stuff scare me away)- my husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.  This June we will have been together for 10 years – married for 2. Thank God I am blessed and I hope my hubby feels the same way.