Jacquelyn's Space

I am learning all sorts of stuff this morning…

Link between allergies and depression? I have often wondered and I just watched a short news clip that researchers seem to think there is a link. I would love to do some research on this myself. I wonder if I could get some approved, or find a psych prof at UM-Flint who would be interested in investigating this with me. I can’t forget this:

Allergies and Depression

One of my most favorite songs, from one of my most favorite musicals but on the jazz side tonight. Love this:

It’s great to write to.

Serene Forest on Mackinac Island

Serenity now…

Another reason why I am anxious today is I am starting to investigate grad schools. I told myself not to get anxious, take it slow, one thing at a time but it is hard not to think and worry about all the possibilities, good and bad. I have a plan in my head on how everything should play out but of course nothing ever goes according to plan. Case in point – I had planned to have graduated with my bachelors already but I got sidetracked thinking about 2 degrees.

I almost did apply for graduation this past week (and I have to apply by the 31st of January) but getting 2 bachelor degrees is still on my mind and I stopped myself. That and the fact I am planning on being around UM-Flint next year while I study for the GRE, get some more  research experience, and become more involved with Psi Chi.  I decided to go see an counselor first.

I talked to the counselor and I only need 2 more semesters after this one to get a Bachelor of Arts in English – Specialization in Writing, in addition to my Bachelor of Science in Psychology. I want it so bad!! I don’t know if it will make me more employable or more desirable to grad schools but since I am going to be around anyway…

I think I am going to go for it. I just wrestle with the fact that I want to graduate soon though. Plus I hope I can fit everything in that I want to do. I was hoping to take in easier next fall while I study for the GRE and apply to Grad school. That is a job in itself. But I think if I start lining up all the info now, start getting all the applications and required paperwork ready little by little I may be able to do it.

Because of that I started looking at all the APA accredited Clinical Psychology programs in the country and I narrowed it down to ones in Michigan and also in states closest to me. You have to keep an open mind when applying to grad school because the programs are so competitive (A professor told me getting into medical school is easier). I have a 7 page list of schools/programs I need to research (the list of programs in the country is like 30 pages long!). There are only 7 doctoral programs in Michigan, 6 of which I plan to apply to. I hope I get into one because having to leave the state would be so much harder, and more expensive. That is what makes me anxious.

My age also makes me anxious. Of course programs can’t discriminate but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it doesn’t happen. That is on my mind and simply my ability to do it – will I have the time and the psychological and physical resources? The counselor I talked to about getting my English degree, I happened to ask her what her degree was and where she got it, etc. She has a Masters in Counseling. She said she decided to get that (I guess she graduated with it in 2006) and not pursue a doctorate because of her age. I found out she is a year younger than me!

I want a doctorate though. I think it will bring more opportunities. That is my hope. I think it has to be a PhD and not a PsyD too. I am more suited to a PsyD but again the PhD allows for more opportunities in the long run. I just need to find the right program.

So with all that in mind, I think my plan is:

Slowly research grad programs/visit campuses/get paperwork in order

Study for the GRE

Get through this semester

Get to know the faculty better

Get involved in research

Get more involved with Psi Chi

Study for the GRE

Apply to the English program

Apply to the Honors Program

Apply to Sigma Tau Delta (English Honor Society)

Study for the GRE

Attend UM-Flint next year while I…

get more research expereince

Study for the GRE

Take GRE in October 2011

Apply to grad school (Michigan programs first)

Whew!! Anxiety level is high. Can I accomplish all that?  We’ll see…. I certainly intend to try.

Serenity now, serenity now…

Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes

Oh well, I can always fall back on my back up plans if I don’t get into doctoral program – Masters degree in counseling, and/or P.A. school OR law school. No worries, LOL.

I am super anxious today. On edge…

I think it is because my husband and I are thinking about adopting a dog. Those damn commercials got to me – the ASPCA commercials with the sad songs, the ones about how many homeless animals are in need. I always have to turn the channel when those come on because they make me cry.

One day I was sitting in my home office and heard one of those commercials (and I must have been thinking about our old dog we lost in 2009 – still miss him) and it made me go check out the Petfinder website. I quickly found a dog I was interested in and hesitantly sent out an email to inquire. To make a long story short, I was not the first in line to adopt the dog I saw so we did not get him but the organization said they would keep us in mind if another dog like that came through.

Well they contacted me with two possibilities this week. Both dogs look lovely and I can’t choose…I hate to choose. I feel bad taking one over the other. That is why I could never go to the pound and look and I usually avoid sites like petfinder – I want to take all the animals home with me. Of course I can’t, not enough room, money or time. But it looks like we will be getting a new dog soon.

I just get anxious because I want the dog to be happy and comfortable here. I hope he works out. I hope we have enough time to spend with him. I hope he doesn’t get sick…see my mind starts racing with all sorts of thoughts and worry, ANXIETY. Ha, ha. I am so silly.

http://www.fgcas.info/

http://www.petfinder.com/index.html

I am listening to Frederic Chopin’s “Fantasie Impromptu”. I love Chopin. Whenever I listen to Chopin I always regret not learning piano in my youth. I wish I could make my fingers fly over the piano and play this piece. I suppose it is never too late to learn, and I have tried, but I don’t feel I have what it takes to play piano – for one my fingers are too short, LOL. I just thank God that I was given the ears and heart to appreciate this music.

Lots of Chopin’s music reminds me of falling water.

1000 word bad day…

Ugh! As it often happens good is balanced by bad, ying and yang and all that jazz.

Today was a bad day. OK, perhaps I exaggerate. It was not necessarily a bad day but OH so frustrating and also a technologically challenged day… and I am up too damn late!!

I didn’t get good sleep – kept tossing and turning. I couldn’t get comfortable I guess – my damn hips hurt. Too heavy I think.

I get up in the morning and have to get started on homework, all the shite I didn’t get done yesterday. I have administrative stuff to get done for my Research class that was getting in the way of what I really needed to do which is write an essay draft (of at least 1000 words) for my Advanced Composition class, which in turn was getting in the way of what I really wanted to which is eat, drink, blog and basically just fool around and relax. So UGH!

Needless to say I had a frustrating morning struggling with tedious details and not finding the right research articles for my research projects. Damn research article! Damn researchers can’t write a simple one to save their lives, always have to be junking it up with too many concepts. I was looking for some simple sex addiction articles but no, couldn’t find any simple, free ones.

I did not have time to even get to my essay draft so I decided to ‘re-gift’ one I had started last semester but never finished. Well I had that in the back of mind since I found out about this assignment, “I wonder if I can retool my essay ‘What Every Stepmom Wishes Every Biomom Knew’ for this assignment?” I got that essay out, which is way over 1000 words, packed dense with ideas (7 points I want to make, 2 of which I haven’t even had a chance to write on yet let alone an opening and closing statement) and not even finished yet and took that into class with me.

Went to class – it was annoying because it was peer review. The prof wanted to talk all about how to do a proper peer review and place unnatural restrictions on us, like we can’t talk to the author as we review their piece. Why not just have peer review online then? I think I’ll suggest that on her (prof’s) evaluation.

Did I mention I hate peer reviews? I was feeling cantankerous earlier today due to my frustrations and just writing about it is bringing it all back but yes, I hate peer reviews, and yes I am being overly cantankerous about the whole thing. For one thing, many of my classmates cannot understand where I am writing from and aren’t mature enough, or open enough, to comment on MY material. Ha (I don’t take myself too seriously). Then I get stuck (we were grouped in fours) with 2 guys (I hate reading my stuff or writing for men/boys/whatever, and some off the cuff observations – one seemed  ‘alternative’ in a trendy loner sense and the other seemed inflexibly Star Trekkie nerdy) and a skinny young too tan miss and I am like “UGH” yet again. ‘You mean I gotta’ read my long ass paper to these MFers?’ But I take a deep breath and resolve to abide.

I needn’t have worried about having to read my paper much. I was the last to read, and because the prof talked for so long at the start of class, I was only able to read like one page (but it was single spaced as opposed to double) and it was time to go. On a positive note, my group seemed to like my paper and value what I had to say and their suggestions were right along with what I was thinking – I could cut my draft up into several essays and still have enough material for the assignment.

I really like their stuff too. They weren’t so bad after all but I will have at least 3 more chances to make my final determination on that.

I had to hurry and leave school to go pick up my stepson. Truthfully I really didn’t want to today because he is sick and I don’t want to get sick. I would have loved it if he would have kept that shite at his mom’s house – I don’t need to be sick. I hope he gets his ass to the doctor’s soon. If not for the current illness, for another reason I will expound on in another blog entry I intend to title “Lackadaisical and Nonchalant Parenting” in the near future.

So I picked him up, drive home and begin work on more administrative stuff for my Research class, emails and discussion board postings. I also begin installing software on my computers, in an effort to make my life easier. Well the computers had other ideas. That is where the technologically challenging part of my day comes in. My laptop didn’t have enough room for the new software – too much music on it. My desktop kept giving me an error code because of Windows. My husband is bitchin’ about his laptop being slow. Finally I got the new software installed on something. Whew!

I bought the software by Dragon, Naturally Speaking. I just speak and it types what I say. I am hoping that it will help me be more productive. I want to write more, haha. Makes no sense because I will be speaking, but I suppose it will come in handy for note taking, especially when I an trying to breakdown complicated research articles. I also suspect it will come in handy when I just want to free flow vent-a-blog, or journal the events of the day. Maybe I can actually work on 2 papers at once (haha, I must be manic to be thinking this) I tried it out, it really works and is way cool.

HA, so that was my day. Another long day. Stayed up too late, hell to pay tomorrow (today actually) when I am dragging ass.

Well look at that, this blog is a smyte over 1000 words.