Jacquelyn's Space

Now for the down side of the good – the bad…

We have been going out entirely too much lately — we went to the movies with my parents a couple of times in the last couple of weeks; saw Insidious – a scary but cliché ghost movie and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, 3D – that was fun, love Johnny Depp — and need to cut back. Well, we certainly want to eat less and eat healthier so perhaps that will help with the going out part.  We need to find some free stuff to do – maybe we should make exercise (walks) our going out. That and the pool will be open soon, yay. The only bad thing is it is summer and I will want to go to the beach and up north. Of course I would love to go back to Mackinac (may not happen again this year but I am keeping my fingers crossed for the fall). Plus we have a membership to The Henry Ford this year. All this takes some money and to go anywhere of any distance takes gas, stinkin’ gas which is over $4 a gallon! Blah is what I say. Gas prices need to go down or they are going to damage our fragile economy. I need to see the beach dammit!! I cannot stand to be landlocked!! So that has been getting me down – worries over the high gas prices and thoughts of being landlocked all summer.

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Did you know there are some people, living in Michigan, who have not seen any of the Great Lakes? I cannot imagine…

I remember when my friend Rachel and I went to a beach on Lake Michigan when we were around 19/20. She had never been up north but I had not realized she had never seen a lake as big one of the Great Lakes. She could not believe how big it was and that she could not see to the other side! I could not believe she could not believe it!! Shoot, we didn’t live that far from Lake Erie, which is a pretty big lake too. She had never been. I just could not fathom not enjoying the Lakes when you live in the state that is famous for them.

Once I met a friend for a late night snack at Denny’s. I was showing her my pictures of Lake Michigan and the bluffs of Sleeping Bear Dunes. Our waitress was also looking at my pictures and asked where they were taken. I told her and she could not believe that was Michigan! She thought they were pictures of California or some far off place. Nope, all Michigan, and fairly close to home (at least within a half day’s drive). I just can’t ever believe people don’t enjoy the beauty and assets of the state they live in. Unfathomable! I said that already (in so many words) but it really blows my mind. I am so thankful I have had opportunities to enjoy the Lakes.

So that brings me back to this summer. I need to enjoy the Lakes and my favorite Michigan places at least. It is not a want but a NEED, Dammit! Shouldn’t have bought all that crap at JCP and ate all that damn food, heehee.

It is a lovely night out tonight – not too warm, slightly on the cool side. My husband and I took advantage of it and took our dog for a 2 mile walk. Yay! My leg muscles are contracting as I sit writing and it feels good. For the night and the exercise I am thankful. I didn’t want to go at first ’cause I was feeling tired and my allergies are acting up but now I am happy that I dragged my butt along.

***

My husband and I had a great day all in all. He has not been feeling well but he dragged his butt out shopping with me. I like going mall shopping with him or looking at other stores beside grocery stores. We generally have a good time.

We have a wedding tomorrow (the first of my youngest cousins is getting married – how time flies! I remember babysitting him!) and needed to get a gift plus I needed a strapless bra (I hate bra shopping, ugh) for the dress I am wearing. We went to my favorite store, JC Penney. As usual they had awesome deals and I ended up buying 3 dresses! I couldn’t resist – they fit well, are washable, will go with my favorite black strappy sandals. The best part is they were 70 % off! I didn’t get the bra I went there for (I chickened out on bra shopping – just couldn’t hack it) but I have some new fun and flirty dresses to choose from for tomorrow. I was going to wear the gorgeous gold/champagne dress I wore to dinner at the Grand Hotel but I needed the bra for it and the shoes I have to go with it are too big and slip off (I am not impressed with the shoes I bought in May to go with that dress; they are not made well. My one JCP disappointment). I did not have any luck finding some better shoes today. Who knows I may end up in the gold dress tomorrow (I may just wear my wedding corset with it and struggle with the shoes because I really love the dress and wanted to wear it) but I am thankful for the dresses I found though, they are going to come in handy this summer I think.

All this talk of dresses and shoes, yikes! I annoy myself sometimes. I am not really all that involved (focused on?)  with what I wear most of the time but sometimes it can be fun. I worry about my shopping though – that is what I used to do when I was really depressed to make myself feel better. I am struggling with a depression right now so perhaps that is what all this focus on the clothes have to do with right now. Oh well, that will have to be it for my shopping this summer because I really have too many clothes. Half of them I am too big for but I am going to work on that for sure. The walk tonight made me realize how much I miss and need exercise. I feel good right now.

***

We went to Bed Bath and Beyond to get the wedding gift. While we were there we saw 50 things we wanted to buy, haha. We saw this new soda maker that a lady was demo-ing. We got a free sample of cola which was quite good and tasted like Coke. It was a really cool thing that you make your own soda pop with (there were many different flavors). I want one! Don’t know why or how convenient it is but I want one. We also ran into my Mom at the store and I got to see my nephews who were in fine form. I will see them all at the wedding tomorrow too.

To top of our day shopping, mi amor and I went to Famous Daves for dinner were we ate too much. The food is too good!! It turned out to be a great day topped off by this lovely night.

To write or not to write that is the question that has been on my mind lately. And the question of what …

A friend of mine posted a new blog through facebook today about how she needs to start writing regularly. I did not realize (or forgot) that she kept a blog and certainly did not realize that she struggled with wanting to write on a regular basis. This mutual struggle inspired me to get writing today. Writing begets more writing and I have to get into shape for the upcoming school year.

Did you know that writing burns 120 calories an hour? I want to write my ass off but I often lack the time, motivation, proper subject or even the energy. Writing everyday is hard; keeping a blog is hard no matter how mundane the subject matter is. It does take work to write – the more you get into it the more you realize just how much work, how much energy it takes to write something not to mention something worthwhile. Especially something that turns your thoughts into wisdom or your words into a teaching/learning exercise.

Turn your wounds into wisdom. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Or you could change the quote to “Turn your words into wisdom.” That is what writing is to me – turning my thoughts, my words into wisdom so I can go back and read what I wrote and see a truth, see something I have learned from my experience, from thinking about it and putting it to paper.

I sort of belong to a writer’s group started by a friend. I have not gone the last couple of times because I have been in such a creative slump lately. I have not felt like writing. This is really disheartening. I am not sure why but some of it does have to do with the death of my niece. I do love the group (love talking about writing) but hate going with nothing to share.That and I do not know what I want to write about other than my experiences, this retelling of what I have been through, and going back to the quote above, the stuff that has wounded me. Perhaps it is less about knowing what to write than failing to have the confidence and the courage to write it. There are things I want to write about (things I need to write about), that I have written about that may be hurtful to others or may not be received well but it is my truth, my experience. For me, right now, it all has to do with audience and what I want to share and with whom. I could just keep a journal but what fun is that? But I am realizing that the writing I most need to do at this time is not fit for the writer’s group and may not even be fit for this blog. At least not in a first draft, working through stuff type of writing.

Actually I did start a journal but then we get into dividing my time and energy into many different writing projects – it is best to have one place to throw whatever I feel like writing down. That is why I love blogging. This blog is my one stop catch-all for my memories, writing – serious and silly, and whatever strikes my fancy on a particular day.

Overall I feel compelled to share some details of my life, my experiences – the good and the bad. Generally I don’t mind sharing any detail of my life with anyone (I like to live my life as an open book) but I often worry about the reception of what I have written. Can people handle it? These thoughts always bring to mind that line from A Few Good Men, “You can’t handle the truth!” Why do I care, really? My truth is mine and I should be able to write about it without worrying too much about my audience. The sad fact is though I just get junked up with fears about how will I come off as a writer and as a person – obtuse, anger, bitter, feeling sorry for myself, shallow, etc – while I write through what for me is some painful and complicated stuff. Is my writing valid, useful, original enough? I am beginning to realize I need to stop worrying about that. It is humanity that makes writing interesting. I have feelings and I am only human so at times I will be all the things I mentioned and more. Why not write about it? I have always perceived myself to be brave enough to do just that thus the blog. I have never been overly concerned with what people think about me. Lately I have been hiding though. This saddens me – in part I believe it must be my depression. It also has to do with not wanting to offend people, to be fair/impartial/diplomatic in all things. This is next to impossible and shies away from humanity. None of us can be fair, impartial and diplomatic in all things especially our own life and experiences or stuff that is dear to us. I also worry about putting too much out there that may be used against me somehow. Not that I have done anything particularly bad or wrong (or that writing about my experiences is wrong) but the way society and some people are these days you do have to be careful. It brings me down but I am not going to let it anymore and I am not going to let my fears and some people’s backward thinking or small minds run (ruin) my meanderings. Ha

“if something i say or write or type offends you… that’s because its true. you’re just too afraid of your own truths to admit it and own up to it.” ~ stolen from someone’s facebook status.

To write or not to write … definitely in favor of writing but still unsure about what and where.

Wow! I wish I was an heir to this guy. This brings to mind the fantasy of a long-lost wealthy uncle or something. Interesting…

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43098220/ns/today-today_people/t/after-years-millionaire-misers-heirs-finally-split-m?GT1=43001

UGH!! Stupid wordpress won’t let me embed the video. Clickable links though!

Here is an interesting article or poll from my local newspaper The Flint Journal.

http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2011/05/poll_should_parents_friend_the.html

It asks the question “Should parents ‘friend’ there children on Facebook?” Almost 44% of the respondents (no info on how many have participated in the poll and it is a running poll) said “They should go a step further by knowing childrens’ passwords so they can monitor everything on the site.” Wow! That is pretty controlling. I think if you have a child on Facebook you should friend them but ultimately that is going to depend on each individual child and parent. If you are friends with your child on FB you should give them their space. I have seen parents and children fighting on FB and that is not cool.

My husband and I are friends with my stepson on Facebook but we do not know his password. I think that my stepson would feel like that was a major invasion of his privacy and would be pretty PO’d if we asked for it. We are also not a huge presence on his page either – every now and then we might comment on his page. He is not on Facebook that much anyway and I am sure if he wanted to hide something from us he could/would. I generally don’t think he hides too much from us anyway but a parent can monitor Facebook activity pretty well just by friending them and looking at their posts and checking in on them in person (real conversation) rather than going the whole route of having his password and such. I cannot say I am not nosy (I am terribly nosy!) and I would never spy on my child but it is good to give your child some space especially if they are older and keep out of trouble. Some kids are far too young to be on Facebook without heavy monitoring. If I had a kid that was either really young (I probably wouldn’t let them have a FB) or up to trouble a lot (drugs for example) I would not hesitate to spy on them or heavily monitor them in everything. This topic, as with a lot of topics in life, depends on the person and the situation. There are no easy answers or one size fits all solutions.

I really need to get on the ball with my writing and my studying. I haven’t felt much like doing anything lately but it is the time to make the push and motivate myself. Unfortunately the first thing I want to do is clean the house a little – boring. Luckily the house is looking all right for the most part. I do feel the need to vacuum out our couch at least. My stepson is supposedly bringing his girlfriend home after school today and he plans for them to take over the couch and watch movies. Yikes!

I should try to exercise today. I need to start an exercise regiment – one I can keep into the new semester. Everything for me is about the new semester and next school year. I am not really excited for summer at all; I am having trouble relaxing. I just want to have a good year with everything going smoothly. This will take some work and I truly do need to start now.

So cleaning and exercising and later some reading and perhaps more writing. My poor writing. I need to write something more interesting than this blog post, ha. But I figure it is a start and writing begets more writing so one of these days I may write something interesting.