Jacquelyn's Space

To my audience of one.

The one who checks back regularly.

What are you looking for?

I absolutely don’t mind if you read my blog. It is public, of course.

I’d just like to know what you are looking for so I can write more towards what you want to know.

Are you looking to see if I am having a hard time?

Are you looking to see if I have failed?

Are you looking to see if I have fallen out with certain people in my life?

Are you looking to see if my stepson and my daughter-in-law have failed?

Are you wishing I’d write more about you and your family?

I’d really like to know.

I will not write too much about my stepson and his family. They wish to keep much of their life together private as they have been burned, and burned badly. Besides, it is not my story to tell. So if you are looking for that then I suggest you make up with my stepson and his wife so you can find out how they are doing.

As for my life as a stepmother, a (step)grandmother. Sure, I’ll write about that. It certainly isn’t as drama filled since my stepson’s mother decided to step out of the picture. I enjoy less drama or no drama, when all is said and done. Yes, the drama is fun to write about but it is not so fun to live with. It isn’t healthy for anyone involved. I am sad though (and at times pretty angry) that my stepson and his wife were treated the way they were treated. My stepson and his wife didn’t deserve how things went down because they were trying to have a relationship with their dad and me. It was not at all fair that they were asked to choose between two families. It was not at all fair that my stepson was asked to choose between his wife and his mother. And it was not at all fair that my stepson’s sister was put in the position of choosing between her mother and her brother. It is ridiculous. I really feel that the actions of my stepson’s mother have hurt her family as well as my grandchildren. The grands lost her presence in their lives because she prioritized her needs over everyone else. Typical. They lost the presence of their Aunt and all my stepson’s extended family. Then their Nana died. So they lost a huge piece of their support system and love there. Thankfully, things are settling for them this past year but I can’t help but think they’d be better off with more loving family than less.

You see, I am not such a bitch to think that my stepson’s mother and his sister didn’t add something positive to those kids lives. At least when stepson’s mom was being/bringing her best…of course not when she was a being self-centered jerk, putting the kids (stepson, his wife, and the grands) in the middle of ancient history (her divorce from my husband) and her insecurities in dealing with me and the past. Certainly dealing with me was not a big issue. She seemed to deal fine at the (stepson’s) wedding (in front of her extended family); she was almost friendly, if I may say so. She seems to have trouble when she hasn’t that audience. I wonder why… It was only the before and after the wedding that she was her worst. Talking shit about me, her ex-husband, then her daughter-in-law behind our backs in order to….to what? Make herself look better for one, to justify her demands that she be first choice….but why trash her daughter-in-law? Especially when DIL was having a difficult time. What did my stepson’s mother hope to gain from that? Ultimately it is always about control with her but….still…was it all worth it?

And I think about how hurt my stepson was (is?). I hurt for him. I am angry. Sad. It shouldn’t have been like that. It didn’t have to be like this.

And his mother can’t be a real human, a real woman, a real mother, and talk to him about it. She can’t be honest and genuine about her feelings. Unfortunately, this behavior has rubbed off on my stepson. He has problem with emotions. Processing, discussing, etc.. Honestly, it isn’t all HER fault…it is in part, a male thing….and his father has his difficulties too. But, she lead the way in disfunction, and we were all just kind of stuck in the middle.

So I wish she would, at the very least, try to make amends with her son and his wife.

As for me, if she would like to talk, even just tell me I’m full of shit, I am willing to listen or read. I’d like to hear her side of the story. Even if I think that ultimately, she is full of shit. It doesn’t make sense, I know. I’d just like to know some things. I’d like for some things to heal, for my stepson’s sake. What is she so afraid of?