Jacquelyn's Space

My boss at 11pm tonight called a meeting for tomorrow morning. I knew it wasn’t good news. I texted her and told her I couldn’t make it to the meeting because I had a participant to pick up in the morning. Then I realized I got a text from her on the January 1st, asking me how I was doing after the vaccine that I hadn’t seen. I texted her back on that phone (yeah, I have 2 phones, one for work, one personal–she texts me on both, don’t know why) and told I had been fine with the vaccine. Well she called me. Right away I could tell she was not good. She was crying. Well, our co-worker, who had been fighting coronavirus, died. Just terrible. He was fighting hard but he had been in the hospital for a month, maybe just over a month. He was on a vent. He would rally at times but then take a turn for the worse. I hadn’t heard anything the last week or maybe two. I thought that maybe he had been doing better. We went and saw his wife a couple of weeks ago–we had a shuttle bus parade to her house to show our support. We all prayed together and she gave us all a hug. She had coronavirus too, in November but had been released while her husband had had to stay in the hospital. He hadn’t even been on the vent at the time but that had been discussed because his condition was worsening. How sad. I couldn’t have done it. I couldn’t have left. And then not to be able to see my husband. I felt just terrible when my dad was in the hospital with a stroke–that I wouldn’t be able to visit, to offer in-person moral support. Thankfully he was sent home from the hospital. I can’t imagine not being there. Not being able to…I would fight them on that…but this poor woman, I know she probably did her best and didn’t want to raise a fuss because she works at the hospital anyway. If they wouldn’t even let her in then…IDK, there is no way they’d let me in. It is hard to imagine how shitty that must feel. I don’t want to.

But now my co-worker is dead. Like, I feel bad for him because his life was cut short. He in no way expected this. He went hunting in November and I never saw him again. He wasn’t a favorite with many at work but no one would have wished this upon him. He really wasn’t a bad guy, just flawed as we all are. I feel so bad for his family. I feel bad for my boss. She is broken up about this. And I feel had for my co-worker’s special buddy at work. He will be broken up and he has already experienced a lot of loss in the 8 months I have known him. I would always see those two together, cutting up. Another life lost to coronavirus and I don’t even know how to deal with it, well other than with anger. It is all hard to process. He was only 53.

I always think of this blog as forgotten but I wrote more than I remembered last year. I had some good posts too. All together I wrote 39 blog posts! More than the year before–I only wrote 7 posts in 2019. Of course I always want to write more, and not just blog posts. I did write some in my diary and jotted down some ideas for a series of novels but I didn’t really write anything of substance, just thought about thing to write. So of course a goal for the new year is to write more.

I suppose I could make it a resolution to write at least once a month in this blog. Perhaps set a goal to write 3-4 blog posts a month and resolve to beat my 2020 post count. So altogether I resolve to write 40 blog posts in 2021. That I can do as long as I keep on living.

Not much to share. I basically worked and stayed home. Didn’t plan any big trips because I didn’t want to get or spread COVID. Didn’t want to add to the selfishness traveling people, didn’t want to add to the madness. Tried to set a good example. It was good to stay home regardless.

We did go up north to my dad’s a few times. We spent a week up there in the fall and had a lovely time along the Manistee River, looking at the fall colors. We did spend a few days on Mackinac Island. That was awesome as usual. We spent a night with my nephew, who lives near Traverse City. We got to see his house and party it up with him and his fiancé, their friends and my sister-in-law CeCe. It was fun–more fun that I expected.

I didn’t get laid off in 2020. Yay me! I’m essential, lol. I did lose some hours but gained them back again because people at work quit or took a leave of absence because of COVID. Then I found a new job, a better job. And found it, got it, during a pandemic!!

I probably made more money in 2020 than I’ve ever made, especially with all the bonuses I received.

Best of all we got rid of trump in 2020. We voted his ass out. I wasn’t sure it would happen but we made it happen. I was part of that in small ways.

Now I need to work on making 2021 a better year, a more exciting year. Do I want a more exciting year? I don’t know. I would like to travel more but I am not sure about doing that in 2021. I have some financial and fitness goals I want to work on first.

Do I need to make resolutions?

I probably do, probably will, but I am not quite ready to do that yet. I need to think on them, make resolutions that are attainable. They are probably going to be the same resolutions I make every year but I need to narrow them down, refine them…

Perhaps my only resolution should be to constantly refocus myself on my goals. Daily. Weekly. So I don’t get lost. I tend to get lost in day to day life, and all the drama in the wider world.

I am so happy it is a new year. I almost broke down in tears at midnight New Year’s Eve. I didn’t think me or my family would make it out of 2020 unscathed but we did, pretty much anyway. My dad had a stroke in December but luckily it was mild. He does have a carotid artery that is 100% blocked (right side) but I am hoping he will be alright with the proper care. He doesn’t have any damage from the stroke that I can tell, though his memory is getting a little bad but that was happening before the stroke. He still moves really well and seems to have his wits about him. He is changing his diet drastically and he quit smoking (so he says). I have hope for the best for him but I worry. I worry about my mother too. She had a stroke in 2019 and didn’t fair as well as my dad. She is home though, and gets around with a walker. She lives in a town so while I do worry about her, I don’t worry as much about her as I do my dad, who is alone in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of 20 acres.

SIGH

So I just found out my brother’s girlfriend is pregnant. Supposedly. TBH the ultrasound picture he posted looks like a puppy. What can I say?

SIGH

But we all survived COVID-19 thus far. My husband and I have received our first doses of the Moderna vaccine. No ill effects from it. We are on our way back to “normal” so to speak. I just feel for all the people that have died or lost family members to coronavirus. It could have been handled so much better. I have a co-worker fighting for his life in the hospital. I wonder, even if he beats it–and that is still and IF–even if he beats it, will he ever get back to normal?

SIGH

But thankfully, we are turning the corner. It’s a new year. We will soon have a new president. There is hope for the future yet.