Jacquelyn's Space

“Dissents speak to a future age. It’s not simply to say, ‘My colleagues are wrong and I would do it this way.’ But the greatest dissents do become court opinions and gradually over time their views become the dominant view. So that’s the dissenter’s hope: that they are writing not for today, but for tomorrow.”

“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”

“I tell law students… if you are going to be a lawyer and just practice your profession, you have a skill—very much like a plumber. But if you want to be a true professional, you will do something outside yourself… something that makes life a little better for people less fortunate than you.”

“Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.”

How she would like to be remembered:

“Someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability. And to help repair tears in her society, to make things a little better through the use of whatever ability she has. To do something, as my colleague David Souter would say, outside myself. ‘Cause I’ve gotten much more satisfaction for the things that I’ve done for which I was not paid.”

May her memory be a blessing.

So I have 2 new computers. I bought one last year (plus a 24 inch monitor) because my old was is, well, old, and full. I thought it would be good enough to game on to. It probably is good enough to game on but I was watching a Sims competition show, started feeling a huge urge to play The Sims 4 and then looked at the specs needed…I began to think the computer I bought wouldn’t be good enough so I bought another, low-end gaming computer. I just hooked both of these bad boys up. The gaming computer is hooked up to our old 32″ bedroom TV and it is awesome! I haven’t really done any gaming yet but I was looking at some of my old files that are on my MSN drive. Old documents from 8-10 years ago when I was doing a lot of writing for school.

That was a mistake.

I read an old letter or email I wrote to my husband’s ex-wife. It made me so mad that we had to put up with that cunt. It still does when I really think back to all that bitch put us through and all that she did to my stepson. Okay. I moved on.

Then I found a piece I had written about my niece that died. Heartbreaking. It still hurts, to look back at that time. I cannot believe all the shit I’ve been through, all the shit that happened then and since.

I found another set of writings having to do with my life as a stepmother…truth be told, it was more writing to the ex-wife. Being a stepmom wasn’t bad–dealing with her, or supporting my husband while he had to deal with her was the worst. But all that pales in comparison to the heartbreak of losing my niece and all that came after. It is just the fact that I’ve been through some shit for so long. So long!

And now it is calmer, at least in my personal life. The world outside is on fire, literally and figuratively. And I must engage with it…because that’s how I am. I must get caught up in it when all I really want is some peace. But then I go back to all the old hurts. I just need to write something about them, do something with the material, the old hurts, and then put it to bed. I don’t know what the hell to do about the state of the world today. I wanna write more productively about that too…but the energy isn’t there. And even if I write about it, nothing ever changes. There is no justice in this world. For all the bad that is done, there is no real retribution.

I should just lose myself in The Sims and call it good.

I went to the Corocova Salt Spa in Flint yesterday! https://www.corcovasaltspa.com/

I bought a Groupon for 2 sessions of float therapy, half off. I’ve wanted to try float therapy and I got my chance! I couldn’t believe there is a place in Flint that has it. I thought I’d have to go down to metro Detroit. But I didn’t and Corcova is right by my old place of work. I used to sit and my van and wonder what a salt spa was and what kind of services they offered. Now I know! It is a lovely place. I really love their Tranquility Room. Float therapy was okay…the benefits aren’t a good or long lasting as a massage, unfortunately. Or maybe I am that fucked up. Yeah, I am that fucked up. I’ve been hurting something awful lately. So I think float therapy would be good for meditative purposes and you’d really feel the benefit after repeated, consistent use. That is why I want a pool so bad. But I get to go again, though I probably won’t do it after that…even with a Groupon. It is too expensive for me right now and I think my money is better spent on massage. I do have a Groupon for a massage too. I need to book it. I need one so bad!!

I have been feeling better mentally the last few days. I got a little done on the house over the weekend and little more yesterday. I set up my new computer and our new printer. Still lots more to do but I am feeling more positive and not quite as exhausted (after work). I hope this feeling continues.

We did go up north last week-end to visit my nephew, who lives in Lake Ann, near Traverse City. My sister-in-law, everybody’s favorite Aunt, was in town from Nebraska and she and my other sister-in-law and my grandniece went up there to visit so we did too.

Truth to tell, I wasn’t excited about going up because we had plans to go up Labor Day week-end. Also, Kitty was sick (didn’t have a diagnosis yet, she just wasn’t herself) and I was super worried about her. But we had told everyone we’d be up so up we went.

My nephew Dan is gay and lives with his fiance Derrick. My niece Erika, who is a nurse, got a job in TC and recently moved up near Dan. She started dating a guy up there who has a young son. Then I found out a friend of the family, Rosemary, whom I love, was in the process of moving up to Lake Ann too. She will be working in the same hospital as my niece. Like, everyone is moving up there! I want to too!!

We all, sans Rosemary, went out to dinner and it was good, had fun, ate lots of food. I thought we’d go back to Dan’s and relax but he had plans to meet up with some friends after his fiance got of work that evening. He invited us to come along. We all demurred. I had a headache and just wanted to chill out after the big meal. I wanted to play with my niece, too. This was the niece I had spent some time with when we went to Kentucky last year.

So Dan left but his mom was like, “I think he really wanted you all to go.” So we all started feeling a little guilty…we eventually decided to go except one sister-in-law stayed home with my niece (her granddaughter). I am so glad we went. We met at a restaurant in TC that Dan likes–he really likes their drinks and had been telling me about them earlier in the day. The drinks were good but his friends were even better. Of course they were gay, they were visiting from metro-Detroit area. One of the friends is a drag queen–Miss Bouvee–and performs in Royal Oak. He was so interesting and so much fun. We laughed and laughed, and people watched, and laughed some more. We had the sweetest waiter too. I really would like to do that again sometimes. Really do up Traverse City! One of these days me and my husband will do…we aren’t to far away when we go see my parents up north.

And I really want to go see Miss Bouvee perform. Something to look forward too.

It was fun seeing my sister-in-law from Nebraska too, and we got to talk to her one on one, which is rare. We took a little drive through the haunted Sanitorium up in TC (they made it into shopping and condos) so that was interesting.

Sunday morning we all went to breakfast and we met up with Rosemary. So glad she is back in Michigan–she had been in Texas. She is the sweetest person!! I miss getting the whole family together like the old days…

All and all, it was a fun trip, a good quick trip.

On the way home my husband and I took the scenic drive down M-22 and stopped to see my mother. That was kind of sad and stressful. That and the fact I was worried about my kitty was the only poopy aspect of the trip.

This is the first Labor Day week-end in a long time my husband and I have stayed home. It’s kind of depressing. We had plans to camp at the Straits and walk the Mackinac Bridge this year but the annual bridge walk was cancelled due to the pandemic. It sucks. We could have went and still camped out but chose to just cancel our trip. It is cool this week-end anyway, with gale warnings on the Great Lakes so I suppose it’s for the best.

We had a plan B, to go up to Kaleva, near Manistee, to spend time with my dad and visit my mom in Onekama but we had to cancel that too. My poor baby kitty has been sick and we needed to stay home to give her medicine. Thankfully, Kitty is on the mend but I didn’t want to stress her out by trying to take her on a long car ride up north.

So home it is. My husband has been working in the yard. Apparently our yard needs a ton of work, lol. He always finds a ton of shit to do out there. I know there is plenty to do inside the house. I’ve been trying but the more I try to do the more I realize how much I have to tear apart and organize to make more room, and to just be able to find things when I need them. This is overwhelming and discouraging. I’ve gotten a little done but I am depressed and fatigued so it is slow going. It has not been a fun Labor Day. I would feel better if I knew I could make a ton of progress on this house and get it all organized but Monday evening but it would take a miracle and a true feat of labor to make that happen and I just don’t have it in me.