Jacquelyn's Space

I was parked in front of a hospital about to go in a pick up a patient. These days, the front of the hospital is pretty dead so I can park really close to the entrance. I am getting my van ready and I notice a man–maybe he called out. He looked relieved to see me and made a little wave. I just stared at him, trying to figure out if he was talking to me and why. It was weird for anybody to look at me with relief. He approached and asked if I had a mask. I was taken aback. Masks are in short supply these days and he obviously had mistaken me for EMS (I am a medical transporter, wheelchair transport). I was about to tell him no, but I ended up telling him, “Let me see” and then, “well, I only have a surgical mask.” I was about to tell him he couldn’t have it because it was my only one and I needed it but he breathlessly told me that he was a doctor and that his friend had tested positive for coronavirus (COVID-19) and that he had been exposed. He was trying to go get tested himself. I had sort of noticed the man was in dark scrubs and had a badge. I handed over my mask and he gratefully took it though he was trying to keep his distance from me. He thanked me as I turned to ready my van and hide my face because I didn’t want him to see if it showed any annoyance and confusion because now what was I supposed to do? I just wished him luck. He walked back the way he came. I got over my annoyance quickly, after I had a minute to process his relief in seeing me and after thinking that the only reason he wanted the mask was to protect other people from him if he indeed had the virus.

Still, what was I to do? I didn’t have another surgical mask for the day. Hopefully I wasn’t carrying COVID-19.

It makes me emotional to think about it now. It is sad that we have all been put in this position. Sad and angry.

Yay! I voted! The first step in getting dump out of office. Let’s hope all goes well in November and we get a new president. We need that POS out of office. He should have never been president.

I am not too excited about the Democratic candidates–too old–but I’ll take any (or either) of those over dump any day.

I voted Bernie in the last primary, and in this one too. I don’t think he has a chance in hell of winning the nomination but I like his ideas. I like Biden but he is too middle of the road for me. I really want our nation to be more progressive. I really liked Andrew Yang or Elizabeth Warren but they didn’t do well in earlier primaries. I don’t know. Even if Bernie gets the nomination and wins the presidency, I don’t think he will have a chance in hell of implementing many of his ideas. Our nation is just not ready to move forward. Too many people think progressiveness is bad and they fear socialism, not realizing that we utilize many forms of socialism already. E pluribus unum!

I am disgusted with people right now. I am especially disgusted with our nation. I cannot stand Donald Trump, who I will henceforth refer to as dump. I cannot believe so many people actually voted for his dumb ass and through our antiquated way of doing things in this country, he won the election in 2016. He didn’t win the vote but he won the election. Now it is 2020 and he is still in office, even after being the worst president imaginable. So what if the economy is good, well, supposedly good. It is only good for some–the rich–not all. I think it is so-so for the vast majority of us. Shitty still, for too many. Yeah, jobs are up but there still isn’t enough good jobs to go around. People have to work 2 or more jobs to make ends meet or get ahead…or work a whole lot of overtime if they are lucky enough to get it. Wages, well wages still suck but supposedly they are keeping pace with inflation (or just about). I think I heard that. It doesn’t feel like it. The rest of the country is in the toilet. We are a divided nation. Too many people are ignorant and don’t value education, though even if they did, our education system sucks. Higher education is too costly and the payoff isn’t there any more. Healthcare sucks–to many going without care they need, too many vulnerable people. And too many people don’t care. They just don’t care. Their attitude is, “I got mine,” so basically fuck the rest. Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers. Oh, I hate religion too. Our country is filled with hypocrites and Christians are the worst of them. And dump and all his followers (I call them trumphumpers), they like to think they are the best Christians and want our nation to be held to their values…only their values suck. They are judgmental and tribal. They are xenophobic values, racist values, sexist values. They want to take us back the “the good old days” of the 1950s only they don’t care that those good old days weren’t so good for everybody. Viva la oppression, viva la patriarchy, (fuck) baise la liberté!! We only want freedom for those that believe in Jesus, white Jesus, the patriarchy, and rich men, (big business/corporations)and capitalism (the almighty Dollar) as our true ideal. Keep us ignorant and looking toward the imaginary Father in the sky for all the answers, and keep working, earning those almighty dollars to show yourself as a productive member of society. Yes, viva la stupidite aussi. But fuck the teachings of Jesus yet in Jesus’s name we pray.

So fucking done with American “values”–lets work hard for the man so the man can fucking screw us. That’s what were here for, isn’t it. To be screwed and only that. Grab ’em by the pussy.

Disgusting/Disgusted.

And,

frustrated.

Frustrated with myself for playing along with the system. Frustrated for being a good consumer and racking up debts. Frustrated I keep making the same mistakes. Frustrated I bought into the American dream but the dream had become a nightmare before I realized it.

Frustrated with life right now.