Jacquelyn's Space

Pissed off and stewing. What else is new?

I’m pissed because of my stepson! His mother! Shudder! To put it politely, he has a lot to learn and he is terribly hard-headed. He must learn things the hard way! His mother…well she is a piece of work (to put it politely).

Okay, he is terrible with his money and he has a problem with impulse control. That I’ve known for a while. I’ll have to recap first then move on to the current situation.

His mother kicked him out soon after he graduated high school–you know, once the child support stopped. She said it was because he was spending too much time with his friends and staying out to late. Okay, he worked late. Of course he is going to hang with friends after work. I understand that. I think a large part of it (besides the fact she wasn’t getting child support anymore) was that he visited us that summer for about 2 weeks and maybe a handful of days (all summer according to her). This was after him not visiting us that hardly ever the 6 months previous.

Okay, so I get the kid is loud and clueless when coming home in the wee hours of the morning but that could have been dealt with.

So she kicked his ass out–packed up his shit and told him to come get it. Took his car back that she gave him as a gift. Then threw an absolute fit when he told her he would be living with us for a few months til he went into the Navy. She wanted him to get an apartment. WHAT? How could he afford it on a part-time Wendy’s paycheck? What kind of place of his own could he get when he was leaving town in two months anyway? The woman was just pissed that she sent him right into our arms. She has no sense, then and now. It is laughable except for the fact that her actions screwed my stepson over and helped set him on a shitty financial path.

We were happy to have my stepson. Then!

The car–yes, she took away his car because my stepson, dumb ass that he is, never put the title in his name. So he really wanted a truck. He ended up buying a POS used truck for $1500 because he couldn’t get financed. We couldn’t co-sign for anything better for him (and thank God we didn’t) because our debt to income ratio was fucked. As it was, after trying to talk him out of it, and the offer of sharing my car til he went into the Navy, I loaned (via my Dad) my stepson the money to buy the truck. My Dad even asked my stepson to call his mom to see if she would sell him the car that was previously his. The one she took back. Dad’s reasoning was, the used car (and it’s problems) you know is (are) better than the one you don’t. I believe my stepson did ask, I seem to remember being there as he called and talked with his stepdad. He didn’t get an answer. His mom kind of strung him along, she may even have told him no…

So he went ahead and got the truck.

The damn truck broke down not more than 2 weeks later. Transmission. He took it to a shop and had them start work before he even figured out how he was going to pay for it. Then, because he couldn’t pay for it, he wanted to try to stiff the shop because they started on it without permission. I never gave permission (the truck was titled to me) but he did or there was a mix-up in communication on his part or on both his part and the shop. I was out of it til I went to go pay for the repairs. Yes, I went ahead and loaned him most of the money for the repair. The plan was my stepson would pay me back once he started getting his Navy pay–he wouldn’t need much of it anyway as he would have free room and board and not much free time in the Navy.

So off he went, into the Navy. Only he was back within a month. Couldn’t take it. I should have known. I did know! But because it was a good opportunity, I hoped he could do it and make the best of it. Nope. And in this I blame his mother too. She pushed him into the service, I think, in part, because she wanted to brag on it. They did not really look into any other options and this all happened during the 6 months we didn’t really see the kid. Of course, if we tried to talk him out of it (and believe me, we tried to make him think–was this really right for HIM…and we let him know it wouldn’t be easy), if we weren’t behind his decision then we were being unsupportive.

So he was separated from the Navy. Depression. I don’t doubt he was depressed. I wish he would have went to counseling but he couldn’t be talked into it. I blame his mother. She has never been supportive of him seeking counseling and dropped the ball in the past.

He came back to our house and moped around on our couch for months. He did not actively seek a job, he did not help out around the house. Finally, after a few months moping, he took the money he got from the Navy and started an EMT class. We supported him through that, and finally he got his old Wendy’s job back. Now while he was moping he wasn’t paying me a dime and he was borrowing money from his Dad. We gave him free room and board but we did not have money to GIVE him to for his phone, to go out, for truck repairs (because, yeah, the truck was a money pit), for car insurance, etc. We didn’t have the money to allow him to mope on the couch full time and not help us out. We aren’t rich.

Where was his mom during this time? I don’t know. Oh sure enough she wanted him to visit, go to family functions, but guess who gave him the gas money? Or let him borrow the car? Yeah, me and my husband. Where was she when he came home from the Navy broken and in need of counseling? Where was she when he needed gas money and lunch money while he took his EMT class? Where was she when the other half of his class fee needed to be paid? Not helping him, that’s for sure.

The boy does not listen to advice (not ours, anyway) and he cannot be motivated to do stuff like get his taxes done in a timely manner (that could have helped), get a job outside of EMS, to pay bills–to do all those unpleasant tasks necessary to life. We found this out.

But thankfully, because EMS is something he has always wanted to do, he did become an EMT; he did get a job soon after he got his license. Of course his Dad helped him because he is in EMS also and was the director of an EMS agency.

So he had a job. Still didn’t help around the house and definitely did not want to pay me or his Dad back. And the kid did not want to work more than necessary, more so he could get ahead.

Okay, I can understand not wanting to work more than necessary, the need for free time, down time. I GET IT!

But to not pay a damn bill. I mean, he owed more than just us–he owed on a credit card that he used to pay for repairs on his truck. I insisted he pay me back, and with me and his Dad hounding him, I eventually got paid back. EVENTUALLY! Though I paid the interest on the loaned money. I went out of my way to help him out and he didn’t appreciate it, not one bit. In fact, he blamed me for that POS truck he chose. He said, “My mom would have let me have my car back eventually.” Okay, so where is the car today? Where? Did he ever get it back. He could be driving it today, or at the very least, sold it to pay his bills or buy a better ride. No, she wasn’t going to give it back. In fact, I think her daughter is driving it now.

Needless the say, I will never help that kid again. Not with a loan. Absolutely not. And I have no money to gift. And when I do, you better believe it will go to someone that will appreciate it and me.

The kid is slowly paying his Dad back. Very slowly. Because we aren’t rich, and the kid had a good job with opportunities for overtime, we started to charge him rent…after 2 years (maybe more) of not asking him to pay rent. A very small amount at first, but it was increased to $100 a month after a time. See the kid had all the money in the world for cigarettes, new expensive phones (whenever he ‘dropped’ his), strippers and alcohol, for going out, for a new used truck (his mom co-signed on), but he never seemed to have the money to pay us back. Not to mention that the only help he provided us was he took his Dad to work (to which he was usually going to the same place) and he would sit with my nephews from time to time. He didn’t really watch them or feed them but at least he was there with them. Believe me, I would ask him as little as possible. He did not help around the house, he did not keep his room clean, and he was/is disrespectful.

I know we tried to have a better influence on him but we did not raise this kid. We weren’t allowed, or my husband wasn’t allowed much input on the important stuff.

Yeah, so he got a new used ride, while his Dad was in the hospital after a heart attack. The day my husband was coming home, my stepson kept calling us, asking if we could put him on our insurance! NO! I was pissed. No concern for his Dad or that maybe we wouldn’t want to deal with that on that particular day. No thought that we might not think that it was a good idea because he can’t pay a fucking bill. NO! But somehow he got insurance.

And of course he let the insurance lapse. Eventually he got the truck in his name because his mom was sick of him not paying the payment on time, or perhaps he had let the insurance lapse and she found out. I don’t know. But the truck was put in his name but he did not do the necessary things with the bank. And eventually the truck was repossessed. What does he do? He goes out and buys another new used truck (with a huge payment).

And then lets the insurance lapse on that truck.

And then he gets in an accident. The truck is not drive-able at this time.

He buys a POS car, puts money into repairing it and that’s what he is driving now.

All the while, he still owes his Dad. Thankfully it is only $900, yet all because he can’t even pay $100 a month in rent.

Of course, every time he sees his mom, or talks to her, he starts talking about getting his own place. You tell me…how in the hell will he be able to afford it? He can’t pay a bill.

He was so serious that his dumb-ass mother bought him a couch this a few months ago–it is supposedly sitting in her barn because the kid can’t get his shit together. That’s what I hear anyway.

Okay, so the kid has been helpful with driving his Dad to work and stuff.  I’ll give him that. His Dad has filled his gas tank many times. Shit, my husband practically has to beg for a damn ride, from his own son! That is ridiculous.  My husband shouldn’t have to beg, we aren’t taking advantage of the kid, we see it as part of the kid repaying us for our helping him. Don’t forget we loaned this kid so much money, we have supported him for in some capacity since August of 2012. We have talked to this kid til we are blue in the face–do the right thing, supporting yourself is expensive, save money for a place, create a financial cushion, get insurance on your truck–you need it, work more overtime, don’t spend money on bull shit, save money for paramedic class….yeah, he doesn’t want to hear us. He just does what he wants. I don’t know what he spends all his money on–that damn truck payment but that’s it. The rest goes for bullshit. Oh, and now he has to pay for the other truck that was repossessed. I hear his wages are being garnished.

One stupid decision after another.

I got off on a tangent. So the only good I can say the kid has done is: drive his Dad around, sit with my nephews a few times, and he has taken me to work a few times. Also, now he is helping his Aunt take care of his Uncle. But even in that he takes advantage. His girlfriend is living with the Uncle (because he cannot live alone) and she is supposed to be helping out. The kid basically started living over there once she moved in (while his junk remains in his room at our house, which is a mess). Started up a cable bill and didn’t want to pay for it. They don’t clean up after themselves….etc.

And the kid is steady talking about how he and his girlfriend want to get a place. Insinuating that his Aunt and Uncle are keeping him from doing so! How is he going to get a place when he doesn’t have any money saved, can’t afford to get his truck fixed, and now his wages are being garnished? I have heard that neither he nor his girlfriend have car insurance at present. And that they have been arguing because she is sick of paying for his ass! Not a recipe for success right there.

Then I hear second hand that the kid’s mother told him that he doesn’t need to pay his Dad the money he owes him! Because of all the driving he has done for his Dad! Okay bitch, stay out of business that is not yours. Plus, what have you done for your kid other than guilt trip him time and time again? Well, what???

Obviously the kid is entertaining the thought of not paying his Dad back if I heard about it. And the money certainly hasn’t been forthcoming.

Dishonorable is what it is! DISHONORABLE. And his mother should be ashamed of herself (yet AGAIN) for suggesting it.

After all we have done for that kid, after how hard we have tried to talk sense to him.

It isn’t so much about the money as it is about the lack of respect. It, the rent, was about teaching him responsibility, something he sorely lacks. Now his mom is trying to convince him to screw his Dad over.

So yeah, I’m pissed.

How many times have I wanted to do exactly what she did–pack up his shit and tell him to get the fuck out? Many! But I keep hoping he’ll wise up, I keep hoping for better. I doubt it will ever happen so now I feel like packing up his shit and dropping it right on his mother’s stupid head…but I’ll settle for leaving it in her yard.

P.S.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. The kid, the dumb lazy ass that he is, did take another part-time job. In a rural area (his mom’s area) so he can sit on his ass and get paid (they don’t get many calls). So rather than making time and a half (OT=a little over $15 an hour) at his current job, he took that part-time job for less ($9.50 an hour).

UPDATE:

The kid’s POS car blew up. Now he doesn’t have a ride at all. He and his girlfriend have been arguing–again that is second hand information–and I hear that he sits on his video game all day, like he did over here. He hasn’t helped his Uncle or Aunt out in 2 weeks. His Aunt is beginning to regret her decision to let him stay there. Rent is due over at his Uncle’s and of course he says he will pay next week. It is always next week.

At different points I have attempted to start a memoir, or several. I felt like I had run into a few issues in my life that I could speak to. They haven’t gone very far because, well, I am fucking tired and distracted most of the time.

I have been reading “Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis” by J.D. Vance. It has been a slow read and I don’t understand what all the hullabaloo over this book is about. It was supposed to explain why so many people feel as they do and why they’d vote for Trump. It is a bestseller and that is how the recommendations on the book cover sound–like this is the book with the answers! There really hasn’t been that much on politics in the book other than something to the effect of, “”my Papaw never cast a vote for a Republican other than Ronald Reagan in 1984.” Now, finally, today I got to page 139 and the author has a little political musing on his and his Mamaw’s ideas for a few pages but that has been it. I wonder if he will pull it altogether at the end. Now anyone who has know a hillbilly knows how they and their family life are. I have known a few hillbilly’s in my time (transplants from the south–the families came up here from Kentucky, West Virginia, etc. to work in the factories) so I already had a good idea what they are like. Mostly I’ve have been just nodding in agreement with the author with very little insight to be had. It has been such a boring read that I have put it down for weeks (or even a month), read other things, and came back to it because I do want to finish it. The writing isn’t bad but it isn’t great. It seems much is missing from his story, he could have delved deeper into some subjects/memories, and he tells more than he shows. It lacks some emotion…and certainly it is lacking in the analytical aspects. He transitions (ha, if they can be called that) or conclusions don’t make much sense because he doesn’t go into enough depth.

So I figure if he can write a memoir at 31 (and it  is not all that scintillating), and make the bestseller list, certainly I can write a memoir. I’ve been through some shit. And I am going to take all my separate memoir ideas and weave them into one. The more I think about it, the more I read, I think it can be done. My idea is to tie it altogether through the lens of feminism. Being female ain’t easy! That’s my idea in a nutshell. Now I need to do it. If I can just get past being tired and distracted.

Yay! My husband gently ‘motivated’ me to go on a bike ride. Well, it was my idea that he get our bikes out since we are without a car right now. I figured getting them out was enough, haha. He pushed us into going for a ride before sunset. We biked 2 miles and it kicked my ass. Okay, my ass is fine but my arms really hurt now. Ugh. Damn fat wings. I think I need a new bike too. I can’t lift my leg high enough to get it over the bar and the seat and handle bars are too low.

I’ll quit whining now, ha. Yay, I went for a bike ride! I should try it again tomorrow.

I have been not been doing too much. The day to day gets me bogged done. Plus I’ve been on the edge of depression so I spend much of my time anxious and angry.

I submitted my resume to 2 (maybe 3) places for CNA work. I got one response right away. I did not reply yet because I am not licensed and I am not sure the schedule will work for til I don’t have my nephews. They do 12 hour shifts. I don’t even know if I can handle that but it would be cool to only work 3-4 days a week and bring home a nice paycheck.

I wanted to go job hunting on my day off but alas my car is in the shop. It may need a new engine, which will suck. I am hoping for the best. Once my car is fixed (fingers crossed–don’t want a car payment right now, ha) I will feel a bit better.

Because of my car I have been spending a little more time with my sister-in-law. She drove me around Wednesday and took me grocery shopping Thursday. It was good to hang out a little. I feel bad for bothering her though because she has a lot on her plate. Too much!

I have been writing a little more than I have in recent months but still not daily, and certainly I am not where I want to be.

I have not been exercising. The only exercise I get is when I work–which when we are really busy I am basically anchored to one place–and through housework. Ugh. I did get on the Wii today and I lost a few pounds. I am down a total of 7 pounds from February 24th. So that’s good. I want to do more. Much more.

I have not been online shopping as much…I look every day but I haven’t bought much, only 3 books (which I have already read one) in addition to my usual shipments of toilet paper, garbage bags, and coffee.

I don’t know. I am doing better, a little better, but I am nowhere near where I want to be. It is this damn depression and feeling stuck. Also, I don’t feel well much of the time. Work knocks what little energy I do have right out of me. And my low back hurts…part of it may be from my big belly but I think the main factor is I am having digestive issues. I must make it a point to go to the doctor when I get my car (a car) back.

Isn’t life funny? I am sitting here on my couch thinking about how I am going to decorate my spare bedrooms once me and my husband kick everybody out. Haha. I mean, I have a detailed plan in my head–so much so I a want to write it down). I was actually getting excited about the possibilities.

My plan:

Empty the rooms and the closets.

Paint both rooms and both closets.

Both rooms will need new flooring or carpet.

Put the twin bed that I borrowed from my dad for my nephews–I don’t think he wants it back–into the office.

Buy a new nightstand for the office bed (maybe).

Buy a large whiteboard for the office (maybe) .

Put the dark cabinet my mom bought me for extra storage in the office (will it fit?).

Move my new bookshelves into the other spare room.

Put my current bedroom furniture and my hope chest in my nephews old room.

—queen bed, night stand, bench, dresser, chest of drawers, entertainment center AND that hope chest. Will it all fit?

Get rid of spare furniture from our master (we had to move stuff from our office into our bedroom when my nephews moved in).

Paint our bedroom and closet.

Paint our bathroom.

Get new flooring or carpet for our master suite.

Get new furniture for our master bedroom.

Ugh! So much work. So much to do and buy. Okay, I’m not so excited anymore. I think I’d rather just move.

I had a vivid dream last night. Perhaps it was of a past life if you believe in that. It seemed like I lived it.

It was back in the mid 1800s. I could tell by the fashion. I was a young woman, around about 17 or 18, slim with dark (black?) hair. I had a younger sister, perhaps she was around 14 or 15. We also had a brother…I don’t know if he was older or younger but he seemed to be  teen too.

We lived in a manor house. It was winter for snow was on the ground.

The dream started with the drop of silk petals (on a book?) and talk of it being after Christmas. It supposedly was wedding season. There were several upcoming wedding celebrations we were to be part of. It seemed my sister and I talked of having nothing to wear. Or at least we were thinking of what to wear.

I wanted to raid some of my mother’s old things. They had been packed away. But when I went to look for them it seems my stepmother had already done so. She remade the clothes into more fashionable ensembles for herself. There may have been some baby bunting too.

Of course I was angry and complained to my sister. My mother’s old things should have been mine. I was her oldest child, or oldest daugher. Our brother, always the trying to be the voice of reason, said that perhaps our stepmother remade the clothes for us…or perhaps she didn’t realize we wanted mother’s things. I could not be consoled.

The dream was so real, as if I was living it. The colors were bright. The feelings felt real, as did the relationships. I love dreams like that.