I was going through my email and just happened to come across an email I had to write to the foster care people explaining “Jordan-When he came to live with you and Chuck and why?” I don’t know why they needed to know but it is a good written account so I had to re-post it here:
Sorry this is going to be a long story:
Jordan graduated high school in May of 2012. Child support payments stopped once he graduated as he had already turned 18 since November of 2011.
After graduation, Jordan was working nights at Wendy’s and was due to go into the Navy October 2012. Even though Jordan is legally an adult he is still a teen and friends are of prime importance to him. Also since he was leaving he wanted to spend time with his friends and all of his family before he went into the Navy.
According to Jordan, his mom was getting upset with him because he was coming in too late and spending too much time with his friends, even though many times he was working late. This complaint snowballed into the complaint that Jordan was spending too much time at our house (ultimately to “spending most of the summer at your dad’s”) though he really wasn’t. He might have spent 2 weeks tops (not all in a big block either– it may have been more like a week-end and a handful of days; I was not keeping track) with us through June and July. We took Jordan to Mackinac Island for a week-end in June as a graduation present so he was with us for a long week-end.Then in July we had a graduation party at our house for him so he helped out with that. I was present one day that Jordan’s mom called him and was yelling at him over the phone for helping us out with his graduation party– she accused him of not helping her and his step-dad out at the graduation party they gave him. Most of the time after his graduation in the middle of May, Jordan was at his mom’s house babysitting his sister or working.
His mom felt like we let Jordan stay out as late as he wanted and he was just coming to visit with us to be able to spend times with friends; using us so to speak. We are not overly permissible parents but we do let him stay out late if he wants because he is over 18 and he does not go out that that often. On the whole he is a good kid and we trust him to stay out of trouble. Jordan was not going out and spending a lot of time with his friends — he hardly went out when he was with us. This was noticeable to us because he was couch surfing an awful lot and it was a tad annoying; my husband and I were looking for a little couple time, haha.
In early July Jordan talked of moving in with us because his mom and step-dad were coming down on him hard. My husband and I both told him he was welcome to live with us but we did not want him to move in with us just to teach his mom a lesson (he had made a comment to that effect); we urged him to really think over any decision to move.
In early August Jordan was spending a few days with us. He offered to help out with the boys– I had the boys during that time– we did not ask Jordan to help out or expect it of him but he did help out a little. He then old us that his mom told him that we were taking advantage of him. Later in the week Jordan’s mom called him as asked him where was he and when he was coming home. He told her of his plans to spend a few more days (I think this was on a Wednesday and Jordan had only been with us a day or two) with us and that he would be home on the week-end. She did not like that and told him that if he was not home that night he could just live with his dad. Jordan was upset and angry. He basically decided to move in with us at that point because he felt his mom was being very unfair to him. He started rushing around trying to get a phone and car insurance in his name (his car, car insurance, and phone were all in his mom and step-dad’s name). I was concerned and asked him what was going on. I thought that this would all blow over as soon as his mom had time to calm down and he was able to talk with her face to face. He truly believed that he would go back to his mom’s house and they would take all his stuff away from him.
Well he was right. When he did go home the next day to drop off his phone and house keys (while his mom was at work– yes, he was trying to avoid her) his stuff was already packed and waiting for him– his mom had packed up all his stuff the night before. Jordan’s mom then called Chuck while he was working and accused Jordan of spending too much time with his friends, being disrespectful, and just using us because we let him do whatever he wants. Knowing that this was not true, that we were not lax parents and that Jordan was a good kid, not perfect but not terrible enough to kick him out of the house, we did not really put much stock in what she was saying. She demanded that Jordan have his car at her house by the end of the day or she would report it as stolen. Did I tell you that she and step-dad gave Jordan the car as a graduation gift (she has never denied this)– well she wanted it back. They had bought him the car (for $2000 according to Jordan) as soon as he was 16 and he initially made payments on it but he had to cut his work hours while he was still in high school because he could not handle both work and school and felt pressured by his mom to put work above school and school activities. At that time he stopped paying on the car and never resumed payments after he resumed working. I thought it was nice that his mom and step-dad let him have the car but Jordan, procrastinator that he is, never put the title in his name. Well his mom took the car back.
Chuck and I waited for Jordan outside his mom’s house while he dropped off the car. It was terrible. All could hear was his mom yelling and carrying on. Jordan came out of the house upset but still moving in with us. He said that he could barely get a word in and he told us that his mom kept asking him why didn’t he get an apartment??? Was she not the woman who told him to move in with his dad? Did she not pack up his stuff? Plus how was an 18 year old kid with no credit and a part time job who was going to be leaving a few months supposed to get an apartment?
So that is how Jordan came to live with us. He did go into the Navy but it was not for him (as I thought all along) so he was separated from the Navy due to depression and a back injury. He still lived with us after he got out of the Navy. Jordan felt that his mom was mad at him and disappointed in him because he left the Navy. He told his dad that he came to the realization that he only went into tho the Navy to please is mom. Sad. I think Jordan is better off with us.
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