Jacquelyn's Space

I should be sleeping…I am tired but I want to be up for whatever reason.

Perhaps I am domestic after all. Today I received my set of Pyrex bakeware (3 mix bowls with lids, 4 smaller bowls, pie dish, and 4 baking dishes with lids) that I made my husband order me along with our new electric blanket (they were on sale if you spent a certain amount of money). I figured I can always use more baking dishes…

I cannot express how happy I was to take each piece out the box–all 19 pieces. Who knew I could get so excited over dishes? I couldn’t believe it but it did fill me with contentment looking at the pieces and thinking about all the dinners I could make in them and all the good I could store in them. I am even thinking about making some casseroles or pasta up ahead of time and sticking them in the freezer.

Of course, since that made me feel so wonderful, I want to keep that feeling going. I started shopping for new dishes. My husband and I had talked about buying some new dishes because he is getting tired of the old octagon plates (or are they hexagon?) that he bought after his divorce. I have (had?) a Corelle set of plates and cups that belonged to my parents and I liked them; they were packed away but I haven’t come across them yet. I almost think they were lost or stolen. So I decided to do some shopping for tableware. I looked a couple of months ago but didn’t see anything I was too impressed with. I did a search for Corelle and was soon on a website looking at their choices. At first I wasn’t too impressed but I soon found something I liked. It is called Tree Bird and has a brown and green tree pattern interspaced with little blue birds. Also, the stuff was on sale. If you ordered 12+ pieces you got 40% off plus free shipping after $75. I was ready to buy! And I did after the internet quit acting up. I ordered service for 6 people plus a platter (I couldn’t get that in Tree Bird but I ordered something that would work well with it) and 2 serving bowls (one to match the set and one to match the platter). Now I feel I am all set up to put on a nice dinner 🙂 I did not order any coffee cups though–we have many already and I don’t serve tea with dinner like my mom did.

All that made me feel super domestic. I suppose I like decorating and setting up house. I get bored with the cleaning and organizing, or should I say tedious re-organizing? Ha.

–I looked on Ebay and found some Corelle-ware like my parent’s old stuff. It was called Indian Summer. I miss that stuff– I don’t think I was impressed with it when I was a kid but I really like it now. I wish I could find mine…

Now that I have seen Melissa Gilbert’s blog I want to be a copycat and change my blog title to Jacquelyn’s Mid-life Musings, ha ha… not that anyone cares about what I have to say but…

It is just that this writing gets my creative juices flowing…my little musings and meanderings. The more I write the more I want to. I get restless with the desire to write but I don’t know what I want to write. I know I want to write about me…me, me, ME. I have several memoir ideas; the trouble is nobody cares about what I have to say…

But I also want to write fiction. Short stories and novels–well more so novels but I figure I should start writing some shorter stuff just so I can get in the habit of writing and rewriting….and rewriting again. That is easier to do with shorter works. I have written a few short stories…but somehow I don’t think I really have a handle on the form (not that I know how to write a novel either– I just like the novel format). I need to read more short stories I suppose. I have never been fond of them, preferring novels.

Perhaps that should be a resolution– to read more short stories. Read a short story a day…sounds like a plan. I would also like to write a short story a day but I am not sure I am up for it yet. Not energy wise any way. I don’t know. I should probably give it a try. Lord knows I have tons of ideas (which all hide or turn to shit when I get serious about them); if only I wouldn’t get bogged down with trying to think of original plotlines and characters forgetting that there is nothing new under the sun.

Read more/write more.

So I only started reading but so far I love it! Melissa Gilbert, who was Laura Ingalls from Little House, blogs about her implants:

Melissa’s Mid-life Musings: A Tale of Two Titties

I love what she has to say about American culture and body image.

I grew up watching this woman grow up…I would love to meet her. It would be a dream come true to be her friend. I heard she lives in Holly, MI 🙂 Maybe she needs some (more) friends in Michigan, lol. A friend of mine said she saw Melissa shopping in Meijer. Who doesn’t shop at Meijer these days? Harry Potter…Melissa Gilbert…I need to start hanging out at Meijer to meet the stars, ha. No, really, I would love to hang out…Holly, MI is charming…and I wouldn’t even mind meeting Nellie Olsen (Alison Arngrim) if she happens to be visiting.

What do you do when you want to write but you don’t know what you want to write about? Write about the mundane…go stream of consciousness and just write. The thing that holds me up is lack of energy though. I am exhausted. And cold. And even though I may enjoy writing about the mundane, I can’t sell it, can’t make money doing it. And I hate living it. I need a change. I don’t think I was meant for domestic life. I don’t know how housewives do it. I do the same dishes over and over…I am sick of eating the same things…I did umpteen loads of laundry yesterday (really too many to count–washing, drying, folding, washing drying folding)…covered the same ground putting stuff away, back and forth throughout the house, pushing stuff into drawers, on shelves, and into closets…I even considered writing a post about how our house is bursting at the seams; it really it is you know with 6 people living here. I have too many clothes, the boys have too many clothes (but nothing to wear, or at least not all the right things–the boys need more warm clothes, more outdoor wear). I wish I could have a small room for just the closet. I wish I could have a whole new master bedroom and bath, then I’d make my current bedroom into a den, ha. I wish we has a basement on this place. I go back and forth questioning: should we add-on or try to move? Not sure it the house would sell, at least not what we’d need to sell for. But getting out of here seems like a good thing. Then I think I just need some organization, I can make it work…and that takes me back to the whole idea of not being cut out for being a domestic goddess. I like to have things organized, I just hate doing most of it. And I’d like to have a bigger house, though one of these days it will just be me and my husband again. I can’t wait for the day…though I still would like to get out-of-town….

My husband wants to take a trip to D.C. He has never been. I went a long time ago, in junior high. He has also mentioned going to Niagara Falls…he has been but I haven’t. I would like to go but I’d like to check out other places in New York (a lot of my ancestors on my mom’s side came through there) and also Canada. I have been many places in Canada but I really want to get to Montreal and Quebec because that is where my ancestors on my dad’s side of the family came from. So me and my husband would have to make quite the trip. We also talked about making a mega-camping trip to the U.P. I have been all over up there but my husband hasn’t been to the western most parts of Michigan. Right now a trip to a hot beach somewhere would feel really good right now. Damn it’s cold! Yes, I’d like to go someplace warm right now, maybe take a cruise. Ultimately, though, I’d like to plan a trip to Europe…the British Isles. That is my dream…

So I don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel stuck. Now I know why I didn’t have kids of my own. I didn’t really want them. The day-to-day gets me down. Yet, I would like to have daughter…just one child. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I just hate that I don’t have that much in common with my nephews. They are into stuff that I just can’t get that in to. I had this same problem with my stepson a little bit. The difference is he wasn’t around all the time. These boys, these boys…I just can’t get into guns and shooter video games, Minecraft and Roblox. And then I cannot bring myself to get them involved in sports or Boy Scouts (not that they’re truly ready for it yet–behavior issues). I’d be running around every night of the damn week solely to take them to activities and to wait for them to get done. Where is the fun in that? I am a little selfish in that respect I suppose….And they are not even my kids. Truly not mine. I would feel like forever a stepmom, the other. I am wore out with feeling like that…

So see, I truly stuck good. I think I should take a class to break out of the rut. I don’t know if I have the energy. I need to do something but what?

Your Literary New Year’s Resolution Should Include “More Writing,” and Here Are 12 Reasons Why

I love that article! I believe in all the points it makes.

Actually writing I like to do. It seems I really enjoy writing the mundane stuff. I truly do. I can rip (riff) off 1000 words about nothing or next to nothing in no time. I love writing my blog, my little memories. They don’t have any huge meaning but it is comforting for me to put down some of what has happened…and not even the more interesting or dramatic stuff. The drama in my life tends to piss me off when I write about it because I have so little control over it and it rarely is MY drama, or caused/started by me. It is always somebody else’s STUFF and I am pretty powerless in dealing with it other than to retreat into myself–to become a hermit. To just say NO! and shut certain people out of my life. I hate shutting people out but I also tend to keep them at an arm’s length if I can. I enjoy being alone or spending time with just my husband—less drama that way–and I like being at home or in favorite familiar places. I can’t say I absolutely love it because I do like to talk to people, to hear their stories, and I do like to be adventurous and travel (though it stresses me at times), explore new places. I just get so tired in the drama cause my the usual, familiar people– people that are too familiar and like to trample your peace because they are not at peace with themselves and their life…

On one hand I feel I need to say NO more, I need to take back certain parts of my life. On the other hand I want to open up more, be around people more…I just need more energy.