First of all, my stepson has been on my shit list for 2 big reasons…
One has to do with money and the fact that he borrowed money from his dad and I and is very slow to pay it back.
The other is that he is very hard on my nephews…to the point of being hateful. I don’t know if it is because he resents them living with us (my 3 nephews ARE a handful) or if it is just the way he was brought up. Certainly his dad and I were not hateful to him when he was a kid (such as, right away yelling at him when he did something wrong or was disrespectful) so I wonder if it has to do with the way he was raised at his mom’s house. I really don’t know. The boy does lack patience…
He has also been on my shit list for a third reason, perhaps not as big as the other two but it is still a fairly big issue…
The boy does not help around the house and does not keep his room clean. My husband and I ask him to do things (more when he wasn’t working) and the kid simply ignores us. It is frustrating, especially when my stepson is not the even close to being a neat and clean person in the first place…no, he is not the cleanest and most considerate person by far. Now his mom did try to tell us the kid was disrespectful but not in regards to cleaning and helping out around the house. Her biggest worry was his going out and being away from her. I can’t help but TO blame the woman for his disrespect in that regard and in others; after all she did raise him, and she raised him to put her first, his friends second (which of course took first place once the kid became a teenager and he started to assert some independence), and to put his dad (and me) last, if we were to even be considered at all.
But I will say this…my stepson has been helpful in providing transportation for his dad (who does not drive). That has been a plus, especially with the younger boys living with us and I cannot pick up and leave whenever I want to or am needed. Of course my stepson’s mother would probably say my husband is taking advantage of his son. She has said as much before. She often talks out of both sides of her mouth– accusing us of taking advantage of the kid when he volunteered to babysit my nephews, yet demanding the kid babysit his sister (her daughter). The kid is so disrespectful because he was going out with his friends too much (this only seemed to be an issue when he visited our house) yet was a ‘wonderful’ kid whenever we brought up issues. But I digress…
Of course, in my eyes, as a member of our family and household, my stepson should have some responsibilities–after all my husband got the kid his job (they both work for the same company) and we allow the kid (who is now 20 btw) to live with us rent free. Of course my husband does not receive child support.
Even with the help with transportation, my stepson still remains on my shit list. He has to pay us back but consistently is in financial insolvency. The boy does not know how to handle money and overdraws his checking account. And that brings up two other reasons why I am not happy with my stepson: One, he has taken up smoking cigarettes. Ugh! At least he does not smoke in the house but C’MON! He had 4 parents that didn’t smoke and he chooses to smoke. And two, my stepson has been going to strip clubs lately. I don’t know how much money he is spending there but I would rather the kid concentrate on paying his dad back and getting his finances in order. It was my hope that my stepson would save some money for a rainy day fund and a down payment on a house instead of blowing it all. So much for the perfect, wonderful child. I don’t really care that the kid is going to see naked women– he is male after all–nor do I care that he goes out–he is 20 after all, and needs to blow off some steam– it is just that I wish he would grow up a little more, okay, a lot more, and start acting like a responsible adult. I am sick of waiting.
Ugh.
I know, psychologists say people aren’t really grown until they are about 23 or 24 (or their brains aren’t fully formed until then), and sometimes longer for males. I knew this…I just thought my stepson had a little more sense, maybe…but then I think back at the hype (and all the drama over stuff that shouldn’t have been an issue), and then who influenced the kid the most…the same person that didn’t get the kid some help when it was warranted…well…again I digress.
But…
Yikes! Certain people think kids are grown at 18! How DUMB. No, at 18 kids still have a ton of growing up to do and it requires a mountain of understanding and patience from parents. HA! Funny, I haven’t been feeling all that understanding or patient these last few years. I am not all sweetness and light…I try, I do try. Yet no matter why and for how long the kid remains on my shit list (perpetually, forever?), though, I cannot say I don’t have a deep love for my stepson–I do. Of course, my husband loves him more and puts up with much more from his son…
Well, I suppose we’ll make it through it all eventually. We are almost there. I hope.
Jacquelyn's Space 