Jacquelyn's Space

Today was parent-teacher conferences for my nephews. It went well. The two youngest are doing well academically with the middle boy doing the best (because his behavior is the best). Both boys are at or above benchmark, which is great. The youngest needs major work on his behavior but is doing the best academically (all around). My oldest nephew needs the most help– his math, handwriting and memory, his focus needs a lot of work. He kind of reminds me of my stepson at that age– does not want to take the time with his work, to make sure he got it right; he just speeds on through and then throws a fit when I make him correct his work. Frustrating for all involved. This boy, the oldest, has also been acting up in school– we think so he doesn’t have to do his math. His reading and writing is coming along well though. All the teachers complimented me and my husband, commended us for what we are doing and our good work with the boys. Even the secretary at the school. I almost cried because of how sweet they all were…and I know there is more I could be doing. I don’t feel like I deserve such high praise. There is still much work to be done.

Case in point (of what I have been bitching about). My nephews have a half day today. Their dad wanted to visit on Monday or perhaps Monday and Tuesday. I said fine but Tuesday was a good day to come out because he can have more time with the boys since they’ll be home by 12:30pm. He did not show up Monday (nor did he let me know one way or the other) so I surmised he decided to visit on Tuesday. Cool– maybe I’d have a peaceful day studying, maybe at the library.

On Tuesday around 12:30 (about the time the boys were getting home) the boys’ dad messages me that he is on his way (he lives south of Detroit). Oh joy. He is not here to take the kids and I have to deal with them. I figure he’d get to my house around 2pm. 2pm goes by…3pm…nothing.

Well, he finally shows up around 4pm to visit with his boys. Out of control. Of course he is apologetic and full of excuses. Doesn’t help me much at all.

All I can think about is all the times my husband would get chewed out by his ex-wife for being 2-10 minutes late (and this is a man who doesn’t drive at all) for parenting time with his son (whether picking up his son or dropping him off). Damn, I wonder she would feel about someone being an hour, 2 hours, 3-4 hours late for visitation on a regular basis? Maybe I should be a total bitch like her– chew my brother out, yell at him over the phone when he doesn’t show up on time…I wonder if I’d get results…

I do put my Halloween face on, I do let him know I am not happy. I just don’t think the boys deserve to hear me chew their dad out and/or go off on him.

Ugh. Sigh.

Didn’t get to sleep early last night. I think I finally passed out between 2-3am. My youngest nephew couldn’t or wouldn’t sleep either– he was up and down and at some point in the night I think he snuck in my room and grabbed his Kindle. I found it between his mattress and the wall today when I made his bed.

Even though I went to bed late, I was up shortly after 5am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I called off from work again. No desire to waste time at that place. Then I watched a movie before I had to get the kids off to school…something calming. I watched Somewhere in Time and it made want to go to Mackinac Island. The movie ended right on time for me to get the boys up for school shortly before 7:30am.

I got the kids off to school fairly easily. My youngest nephew was obviously tired, and he tried to give me a little trouble but it was not a bad morning. I emailed his teacher once he got on the bus; I let her know he might be a bit tired and crabby today. He had a rough day on Friday too (I could tell he was getting tired of school) and the teacher had called me. I also had to email the teacher for my oldest nephew because he has been ‘forgetting’ his homework. I need to know what kind of homework he has, what he forgot on Friday.

I had to take a nap. I slept for about 4 hours. Then I was up. Tried to think about homework. Ugh.

I did some laundry.

I did some dishes.

I had lunch.

Checked my email. My middle nephew had an incident at school. It’s okay, his teacher dealt with it but he wanted to let me know. It is kind of a big deal and I will have to let my nephew’s counselor know about it. I will talk to all the teachers tomorrow night at parent-teacher conferences.

Then I tried to think about getting some homework done again. Sigh.

I took a shower. Showers are a luxury these days. And I can rarely get one that is not impinged upon, someway.

Checked my voice mail. My youngest nephew was either refusing to get on the bus and/or was acting up on the bus. I tried to call the school– didn’t get anyone. Since  I hadn’t heard from her, I called my oldest nephew’s teacher to talk about the homework issue. Yeah, the kid is forgetting his homework– she isn’t sure if it is an ADHD problem or just him being difficult. I think it is both. He needs medication. Another problem for another day. At least I got the psychological evaluation done already.

Then I tried to call the school again. The secretary transferred me straight to the principle. Yep, youngest nephew refused to put on his seat belt and was kicking things. He is just this close to getting kicked off the bus. I will be pissed if his little ass gets kicked off because I do not want to pick him up from school. I absolutely do not.

Then my youngest nephew’s teacher called me. She said my email of the morning helped deal with him. He was tired– they let him nap a bit. It was good to talk to her– both teachers actually. They say we just have to keep on keeping on; that I’m doing a good job, that I am in a hard spot. Sigh.

Emailed the case worker about the boys’ issues. Of course he is no help. He just wants more from me. More, more, more. I get little in return– no support, no services, I wait on money even though they act like they are paying me, that I am their fucking employee. Which I am not. But I have to dance to their tune. I tell you what, foster care and child protective services is fucked up in this state. Probably the whole country.Now I know why they don’t have enough foster parents. I know.

The boys come home. Youngest straight to the naughty chair. Middle child– have to talk to him later…poor middle child, but it is a sensitive issue, his. Oldest played dumb about his homework– typical. No Kindle for any of them tonight. Oddly enough they were happy to play outside.

Talked to my brother about his boys and the future. He tries to understand but he doesn’t, not completely. There are things he just doesn’t get and that is why we are in the situation we are in. He is more a part of the problem than the solution. Of course he wants me to take care of his boys even if/when he gets them back. I will do it but only under certain circumstances. I need money– I don’t want to wait on money. I waited about 2 months for this last payment. Kids can’t wait– they need things. Not to mention I can’t work full-time and pay my bills because I have to take care of the boys– counseling appointments, pick them up from school when they have issues, etc. Nobody else wants to care for them– their other aunt and grandparents are MIA. They would not do well in daycare. Plus I cannot count on the money to being there in order to pay a daycare or babysitter. Nobody wants to wait on money like I have to. I can’t get a break, everybody always wants more, more, more. Why can’t I do more for them? Why can’t I make all the damn sacrifices for their poor choices and stupidity? (And I am not just talking about my brother here.) Sure. I was born to be a door mat.

Fed them left over pizza– two pieces each. They had snacks leftover from school and apples. Of course that is not enough for them for dinner. I have to make dinner. Screw it. McDonald’s will have to do because I don’t feel like dealing with it. I was hoping my stepson and husband would pick up the McD’s. Of course they are running late. Blah, blah, blah.

I really, really want to get these boys in bed.

Homework? Ugh. Sigh.

***

The highlight of my day thus far– watching Somewhere in Time, memories of Mackinac, and realizing I have a $400 credit at the Grand Hotel. My husband and I will be going sometime this summer.

12 Reasons Having Curly Hair Rocks

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kendra-alvey/12-reasons-having-curly-hair-rocks_b_4826904.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

This made me laugh.

I used to hate my hair, especially when I was in junior high. I’d throw a tantrum and bang my curling iron around the bathroom because my hair was so difficult. Straight was the thing…

Now I go from being okay with it (letting it do what it wants) to loving it (letting it do what it wants). LOL.