Things to do today:
Get my act together.
Which means get my ass out of bed and complete at least two assignments for school.
I’ll be back later to report on my progress.
**
Not going so well. So fucking irritated. First of all I am sick of the kids. Sick of the whining and the crying because they have to do homework, or clean their room, or something else they don’t want to do. I don’t want to stand over them and crack the whip. So fucking tired of it. I have my own damn homework I need to do…expend the energy on.
I am fucking sick of dealing with other people’s children. So sick of it. I didn’t raise any of these children from birth so why am I stuck correcting their bad behavior, essentially the mistakes of others…correcting parenting failures.
Not to mention the fact that, as a pseudo-mother (a mother stand-in, placeholder, or erstwhile usurper)– step or foster– I feel like nothing I do will ever be appreciated because…well just because I am not their birth mother. It is like I have to go above and beyond for any respect, love, recognition…fight a constant battle against a fucking IDEAL, a ghost really. It is a fight I have always known I’d be on the losing end of so I don’t even engage in it, yet the damn kids expect it! SICK OF IT!
And then there is visitation. Fucking visit when you say your going to visit. They are your kids and they are counting on you. Either you want to see them, under whatever circumstances, or you do not. And I am not talking about a little late– 5-10 minutes, or even 20-30 minutes isn’t a big deal. But a consistent hour or two late is completely unacceptable. I just wish the damn parent would show up within the hour he said he was going to, not over 2 fucking hours later. I am sick of apologies– they do nothing for me.
Still no homework done– don’t feel like doing it at all.
**
Well, I got a little done last night but not two assignments. I got a start on one and I did some posting for my online class.
Still have to scratch some stuff off my TO DO list.
Jacquelyn's Space 