Jacquelyn's Space

Looks like I might be getting my lovely lavender office back. Yay! I can’t wait. I made plans for it…my husband made me a lovely desk and painted the office…I started decorating and BAM! My stepson moved in last year…

Now it looks like he is moving out. Sadness…..NOT! LOL

We could use the extra room…and it will be nice to have my office back. Extra storage, extra place to put my books, extra place for the kids to do homework….extra place for privacy.

I was hoping my stepson would stay with us until he paid us back. He owes us money for the POS truck he wanted when his mom took away his car as well as for the 5+ months he wasn’t working while he went to EMT school and we supported him. Unfortunately we could not afford to give him more than a roof over his head and food at the time. What he owes is for gas, auto insurance, and repairs/parts for that POS truck– his Dad was nice enough to loan him that money so he could get back and forth to class. Nobody else was going to.

I was also hoping my stepson would have enough sense to live with us (rent free, mind you) long enough to not only pay us back tout de suite or ASAP but to save up some money for a place– at least have a rainy day fund in place. It makes sense to me, especially knowing my stepson and how stressed out he gets over little stuff…or shall I say knowing his lack of stress management. Heck, if he keeps working like he has he could save for a down payment on a house, but only living rent free. I know once he gets out on his own he won’t be able to save. Of course he has no concept of what it actually costs to live on his own and the bills  he will have to pay. So that is why I was thinking it was cool of us to let him live rent free while he saves up some money– for either a rainy day fund or a down payment on a house. Dumb-ass impulsive kid doesn’t see it that way of course. He must go out there and make his mistakes I guess.

Of course he thinks he has it made now. He thinks jobs last forever and its easy to live on your own.

And then there is his dumb-ass mother feeding into all of this. She can’t talk sense to him because she has her own mixed-up agenda. Sure go out unprepared and get a place of your own…sure…no savings, a car payment, and an impulsive kid who can’t handle stress. That makes perfect sense.

But I’ll get my office back! Yay! And one less person mooching off my grocery and household goods money. Can’t wait…

It always pisses me off when I see a parent not doing right by their kid…which may be shitty (judgmental?) of me since I am not a parent BUT I can’t seem to help myself. I absolutely cannot stand parents who continuously put their needs and desires ahead of their kids– please don’t have kids if you know you are selfish (in many ways) and/or a control freak!

And I must admit, I did not have my own children because I have always known I am a selfish bitch! You can call me anything but self unaware.

What I am dealing with here are the children of two types of selfish mothers. One that puts her ego (and desire to feed it) and need to control above all else, including her child. The other one puts her need to party and be a ho above all else, including her children. You know when I think of it, there are elements of both types in each mother, I just caught them at different stages of their journeys.

Shaking my head, shaking my head….I just don’t know anymore. So sick of the bull shit and cleaning up after other people.

Crazy, Yes, I’m sure I am. What was I thinking taking 9 credits this semester? That is a full load in graduate school. I don’t know how I am going to do it.

I am taking a creative writing class with a favorite professor. She is getting ready to retire so that is why I stayed in the class– originally I was going to drop it. I couldn’t help myself because I love this professor and she reads all the shit I throw at her. She is the professor who makes us keep a journal, her infamous THWADs (Three Hundred Words A Day)….I write about all the crap going on in my life and she reads it all and comments. I love it!! I usually write a lot more than 300 words too, and this is a class on brevity, ha. Plus she GAVE us the books for the class– free books!!

Luckily this class only meets 1 day a week and it is fairly small– there is only 7 of us! I get lots of attention, which is a little scary but good overall. I like my classmates and most are great writers– a couple are even going through some shit too so I have people to commiserate with.

I am taking an online class with Dr. Thomas Foster who is a bestselling author. He is becoming a favorite professor of mine even though he is a little curmudgeonly. The class is called Writing and Publishing and I am learning all about getting published– becoming a freelance author, magazine analysis, writing query letters and book proposals. Sounds a little boring and it is at times but I really love learning about getting a book published. And I am not talking self-publishing– anyone can do that. I am talking about having someone publish my book. Dr. Foster is showing us all the stuff he prepared to get his books published in the mainstream.

Dr. Foster records short lectures which I like. Makes me feel connected to the class because usually I hate online classes because I do not feel connected. What I hate is I have to post on multiple boards and there is a lot of mundane writing. Grrr.

The last class is a Shakespeare class, Doing Shakespeare, where a group of English majors put on a production of a Shakespeare play. I was so excited to take this class with my most favorite professor of all. It was going to be the only class I took, ha. I thought we would just be putting on a play (performing– yay) and doing some community outreach. The class is not what I expected. We are taking a Shakespeare play– King Lear– and making it modern with connections relevant to issues in Flint. Okay, I thought that would be interesting too. The class is to collaboratively rewrite the play and then perform it if there is time. Gah! So far the collaboration is difficult! And my favorite prof, though still my fave, has disappointed me. It has not been fun so far but things are looking up (knock wood) but I may not be able to perform (boo!).

All this plus taking care of my three nephews with Aspergers (and dealing with the state and care agencies regarding them– UGH!) and trying to hold done a part time job. Not to mention taking care of my husband, who had a heart attack in August; I have had to totally change his diet and I am not even done yet. Add to that my health issues and my roller-coaster riding emotions and yes, I am a little, no, a lot crazy right now.