Love this, it is so true:

http://www.viruscomix.com/page500.html

I have met a lot of those people– heck, a lot of those people exist within me, ha! But definitely not normal, never normal. I love it!

Read this excerpt from another blog:

unnecessarywisdom

The Anti-Step Mom

“I was a child of divorce. Two divorces actually. And I lived in three families: my biological parents, my dad and step-mom, and later, my mom and step-dad. By the time I married my now ex-husband, I was pretty convinced I’d be a great step-mom, having had such a thorough and varied experience living in step-families.

I was therefore shocked to discover I had feelings of true animosity when our new family was first formed. Jealousy, insecurity, ineptitude and competitiveness just to name a few. I was ashamed to have these feelings because I loved my step-daughter very much. Ellie was an angel, just 6 years old, and she adored me. Why was I being so immature?

Forming a step-family requires a lot of emotional maturity. And a lot of emotional growth. There is the ever-present reality that your partner loved someone before you. And he loved her a lot. He married her. And they shared something you never will. That first time down the aisle. That first time getting a positive pregnancy test back. And that first time holding a first baby. A lot of firsts. You can never share that with him and you can never compete with those memories. And there is a constant reminder of that. There is a child.”

From:

http://unnecessarywisdom.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/the-anti-step-mom/

Certainly interesting BUT not my story, not my journey, and not my problem! 

I get so fucking tired of reading this kind of shit from step-mom blogs and articles. I absolutely hate that these complaints are too often used to characterize the stepmother journey. Granted, the feelings and complaints are a part of SOME stepmothers’ feelings and problems with the role but they hardly tell the story for all us and many of us never have a problem with jealousy, the fact that our man loved someone else before us (or may have loved—the love certainly can be called into question) , etc….Our problem(s) have more to do with people characterizing us as jealous and wicked, that the problems mentioned in the blog were true for all step-moms when they are not, not being accepted as a mother and a part of our step-kids lives when others, such as the step-dad certainly are, and even to do with the birth moms shitty treatment of us, her ex-husband, and her own kids.

I was not jealous of my stepson or his mother. I always recognized my stepson had a place in my husband’s life and that he, as  a child, would often have to take priority. I also realized that I was not my stepson’s mom– he had a mother– and that I could never usurp that role nor did I want to. I did not resent my stepson’s presence in my husband’s life nor the presence of my stepson’s mother in his life, not to mention the fact that my husband (or boyfriend) would have to have contact with her for the sake of the child they shared.

I never had a problem with the fact my husband loved somebody before me– he didn’t know any better, he hadn’t met me yet, LOL. I loved someone before him too. As for being first with all  the other stuff– I have never given a rat’s ass about any of that. The love my husband and I share is a first for us, if you care about such things, and it is unique to us. Anything we do together is always going to be a first for US and special. I loved our wedding and never even thought that he had already had another one. Who cares! I also never even thought about the fact that his son was his first and possibly only biological child and that it all happened with his ex-wife. I just accepted that when I met my husband and figured out that we were going to be together. It was not something that bothered me one bit and I suppose if it had then I would have thought twice about being with him for the long haul. I always think about all the special times we have had and that is enough for me. If I happened to ever conceive a child I feel it would be just as special for him, perhaps even more so, as with his son. I never thought that had anything to do with being first and I truly believe this need to be first is a problem some people have that is not unique to stepmothers but a personality flaw.

Competitiveness and jealous in my stepmother journey have always originated with my stepson’s mother even though she was the one that left my husband and initially wanted the divorce. I never had a problem with competitiveness and jealousy other than being on the receiving end of it and how it all affected my stepson. I did not understand it– could not fathom why. I felt like I was not a threat and did not make any threatening actions or statements in the very beginning. Only later did I realize that no matter what I did, most birth mothers will always see other women in their kids lives as a threat. Sad and totally unnecessary.

My problems also have to do with the fact that my stepson’s mother did not treat my husband well or very fair. In my opinion that woman did everything she could possibly do (and still maintain her image/ego) to fuck up my husband’s and my relationship with HER son. That has always been my biggest problem with this whole stepmother, step-family, divorce thing. I feel with a lot of step-mothers my experience is true and that the problems of step-mothers rest squarely with the birth mom (the ex) and HER problems and insecurities along with the parental alienation that often goes hand and hand with one parent feeling insecure, loss of control, and threatened in some way, no matter if the threat(s) is based in reality or just a product of a birth-mom’s over-protectiveness and/or imagination, ego (sometimes mental illness).

Yay! Young kids are at school and I am going to have a ‘Me Day’….well as much of a me day I can have when you have 4 kids (one is 19 but still…), a husband, 3 pets (dog, cat, bird) and the dishes and laundry are piling up, not to mention that I am taking 3 grad classes this semester.

Whelp, there goes that concept. But I get to stay home and work on the laundry and dishes while I do some homework– YAY! I think I’ll take a nap first though. That will be the ME time…so tired.

A little understanding goes a long way but then again my patience is wearing thin these days. Here is a case where it is sometimes better to receive rather than give, haha.

People do take advantage.

I guess some of us are just more evolved than others…

….as in some us are adults with lots of experience and some are still teenagers (even though legally an adult) and have lots to learn, yet, while some will never grow in certain areas and may never understand.

That is all I am willing to say for now. Ha…

First draft of my haiku. Some are kind of silly but that is okay. You need to have a little fun with writing. 

Haiku

September 2013

 

Hot star-sun glaring,

bleaching birch trees stark

against fine blue sky.

 

Suspended summer.

Air clings, a hot, heavy wrap

stifling skin and breath.

 

Late season sizzle

tinny buzz rises from trees

teasing summer’s end.

 

Eating lunch alone,

I catch a friend studying.

Say hello, walk by.

 

Stray kitty kitty

don’t go out into the road.

Wild out there alone.

 

Horses clip clop past

Ferry horn blasting awake

Mackinac dreams.

 

Tension spent, glowing

afterward, a ghost drifts in

shifting energy.

 

Shifty weather change

hot to cold, stuffing noses.

Michigan weather blows.

 

Tuesday ninety-four,

Fast forward a few days, temps fall.

Friday’s high, forty.

 

New moon star-bathing,

I sit alone, half wishful,

Catch one gliding down.

 

Whispering trees sleep

I bask in nighttime stillness

Half-formed wish meets falling star

 

Moonlit walk, dark town

Clip clop of hooves sound distant,

Crash of waves, buoy clang.

 

Full moon bright, beams shine

painting great lake silver this night,

and cliff folly grey to white.

 

Full moon, lovely walk

down flowered dark streets with ghosts

Spiders web streetlights.

 

Geranium red,

colonial white, foiling

many blues, lake to sky.

 

 

My set of related, story haiku:

 

House cloaked by tall pine

Darkened windows, vacant stare

A woman stands there.

 

Forgotten woman,

Forsaken garden, yearning

for what used to be.

 

Dark windows gaping,

watching, shadowed, searching

seasons for lost blooms.

 

Dusky overgrowth

hiding blooms sleeping below

unseen but still there.

 

One super moon night,

clouds darken tumescent orb

creating shadows.

 

Clouds pass in time.

Full moon rises high,

illuminating all.

 

Shadows banished,

ghost woman now bright white

strains to see.

 

Her ghostly form glows,

As she peers out of blackness,

one silvered rose.

 

My naughty haiku that I actually read in class, ha ha. I was only slightly embarrassed. I knew Jan would pick out that one!

 

Lips skim un-licked head

Tongue tipples velvety cleft

Gorged shaft, hard to resist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today was an awesome day! I was smiling on the ride home from school. Finally a good one and one spent away from the kids– imagine that! I feel bad for my poor husband though. He was the one stuck with the kids all evening and he had a sore throat this morning.

I am taking another Shakespeare class so my day started off performing. I got to be King Lear today, yelling out at a storm (I was pelted with Legos by the class to mimic rain). We are working with King Lear all semester long and collaboratively writing a play centered on Flint issues. It should be interesting. Dr. Kietzman is an awesome professor and always has great activities in class.

After class I had to take care of some red tape– signing up for the Shakespeare class as an independent study. That went much better than expected considering I messed up at school all last year (because of depression and my family issues, grrr) and I think some professors wonder about me. I also had a great chat with Dr. Kietzman and she made me feel better about some of what I was going through academically last year– it wasn’t all me, some of it was actually the professors and their boring classes.

Once I got all the boring stuff out-of-the-way I was able to spend about 3+ uninterrupted hours in the library working on my poetry for creative writing; we are working on haiku. Spending 3+ hours on writing is truly wonderful. It also went much better than expected and I came up with about 23 haiku I could work with (I only needed 17), most of them in the library today. I even have a set of related ones that tell a story. Surprisingly, I got done earlier than expected and was able to get some tea before class. YAY!

Then I was on my way to my evening class, which was great! Free books– who can beat that! Thank you Jan Worth-Nelson!

We work-shopped our haiku in class; it was excellent. Class is small– only 7 people. I enjoy haiku– it is easier for me to work with– not so long. So many awesome haiku and there was lively discussion about words and writing. I missed that! I read some of my poems last and received some nice feedback. I am not the greatest at poetry or even work-shopping so it is lovely to get complimented.

I need to brush up on my poetry terminology though because I feel like I could not add much to the discussion. I hate that I don’t remember those terms. I have a handy-dandy reference card somewhere; I must dig it out. I also should put all those terms on flashcards and study them, or perhaps make a recording to listen to. I am feeling a bit better about poetry this time around but we’ll see– I don’t get as excited as some of my classmates over it and I feel bad about that. I don’t tune into to rhythm and sound as well or get much feeling from poems initially. I don’t know why I am like that. We’ll see how I do with sonnets next week; I am trying to be upbeat.

I accomplished so much the last few days, and on very little sleep! I have had a terrible sinus and allergy troubles this month. I barely got any sleep last night because of a horrendous asthma attack. I endeavor to work through it all.

Now I need to keep this momentum going (sans allergies and asthma of course).

Of course two of my nephews (the oldest and the youngest) will not go to sleep now and are playing with Legos. The youngest, age six is showing me the angry sheep he made in school, ha ha. He also made me a Lego car though he is supposed to be sleeping.