Really, what is wrong with you?
???
Again, who was it that was telling the father of her child that at 18 the child can make his own decisions?
???
Now this ‘wonderful’ mother doesn’t like the child’s decisions, even though the decisions come down the hanging out more with friends (sometimes late) and with his dad. Nothing bad, just choices the so called wonderful mother doesn’t approve of.
BOO FUCKING HOO!
*
My stepson’s mother basically kicked him out yesterday because she didn’t like the fact he was staying out late and “spent most of the summer at his dad’s” so she said he should pack his stuff and live at his dad’s.
That is totally fine with my husband and I that the kid lives with us…
BUT,
two weeks and a handful of days does not a summer make!
AND:
Just because a kid is spending time with his friends, enjoys spending time with his friends, doesn’t mean he doesn’t also want and enjoy spending time with his parents — all of them. I, for one, enjoy hearing about my stepson’s experiences as well as enjoy it when he brings his friends over. There is nothing wrong with a teenager wanting to spend time with his friends, and yes since he is a teen his friends mean a lot to him. Perhaps too much but this is normal and it will pass.
Of course, there is the the issue of my stepson staying out later than acceptable, at least to his mother. The kid works late though, and kids in general like to stay out later. Most are not doing anything bad, they are just hanging out, watching movies, listening to music, and acting silly. The kids just want to be with their peers, and they want to forge relationships as well as independence. NO BIG DEAL!
Not to mention the fact that, when you work later in the evening you need time to unwind and it is a bit unthinking of a parent to expect their kid to come home right after work (by 10pm) and sit in his room by himself…
I am so pissed that my stepson’s self-described ‘wonderful’ mother is raising a fuss over this, using lies and exaggeration to try to make her son do what she wants. Especially now because the kid leaves in about 6 weeks. Why not just put up with it, have a nice 6 weeks and hope for the best? The kid, even though he is 18, still needs time to mature and grow into adulthood. ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN! It takes time and the kid may do a few things parents disapprove of along the way. THAT IS FUCKING LIFE!
ALSO:
The kid is a good kid and his hanging out with his friends — oh horrors! — sometimes late at night, is nothing to get in a twist about. The kid isn’t a big party-er and is smart enough to keep himself out of trouble — he is going in the Navy in six short weeks, is excited and looking forward to it, and doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize his enlistment.
All that means nothing to his mother. I would think it is just an issue with letting her son go, her baby is getting older (and part of it may well be) but if that is it then why is she pushing him away but throwing a fit and being petty?
To top it all off her son actually is somewhat understanding of this whole separation issue and the kid is aware of –empty nest syndrome and separation issues is what he mentioned to me; you tell me, how many 18 year old males would even think of that?– but is hurt because his mom doesn’t trust him.
Personally, I think my stepson’s mom is narcissistic and controlling and is just pissed because her son didn’t turn his back on his dad the minute he turned 18…and she perceives that he wants to spend more time with other people (namely his dad and I) more than with her. She is taking out her JEALOUSY and INSECURITIES on her son. How may points does she think that is going to win her? Yes, he feels sorry for her but is that really what a parent wants their kid to feel for them, about them? Obviously somebody else has some growing up to do too!
Personally I think my stepson’s mom is being rotten.
And I don’t feel sorry for her one bit over any ‘letting go’ issues, etc. My husband had to go through it when he got a divorce and even I have been through it when the kid started driving and yes it hurts. No, it FUCKING HURTS! But you deal with it…You do what you have to do to overcome it without taking the shit out on the kid. She needs to put on her big girl panties.
My poor stepson though…
This is what I wrote yesterday after my stepson told me what was going on. I was almost going to contact his mother but I know nothing I say gets through to her:
<Stepson> is running around trying to get everything changed over, like his phone, his car insurance, and his car title, so he doesn’t get fucked over.
That is a real fear for him and I think that is sad.
I am worried too because he is out there angry and hurt and driving around by himself.
I hope that his mom and stepdad do not go back on their word and refuse to sign the car over to him. At least let him use it the last few weeks before he goes into the Navy. I am sure my stepson will be more than happy to leave the car with them while he is in the Navy.
It would also be nice if he could keep the insurance stuff the same – it is only a few more weeks and makes no sense to change it now other than give my stepson an unnecessary hard time.
It is unfortunate that my stepson cannot trust or count on his own mother (and stepdad) to not screw him over. Shameful!
Yes, his own mother screwed him over — the car she (and the stepdad) supposedly GAVE my stepson, well she wants that back. How rotten. All because the kid wants to spend a little time with his friends (and perhaps his dad and me) before he goes in the Navy. I cannot believe that my stepson’s mother and stepfather would not honor their word and give the kid his car — for even 6 short weeks. That is just unbelievable and petty to me! And it is unfortunate that the kid is learning a few unpleasant things about the people he loves…
*
Update:
Well my stepson took his car back to his mom’s house. My husband and I followed him over so we could give him a ride home. Yeah, it kind of sucked…
First of all, my stepson had went over to his mom’s house in the morning to take his keys back and to leave his cell phone because he purchased another one. When he got to his mom’s house ALL HIS STUFF HAD BEEN PACKED ALREADY! Now what is the kid to think after his mother told him to pack his stuff and live at his Dad’s the day before … and then he gets to his mother’s house and all his stuff is ready to go (and over what???)…I know what I would think — mom means business! He got his stuff, left his keys and phone and went on with his day…
So his mother calls my husband in the morning, upset…I don’t even really understand why. Oh yeah, to make sure it is known that the kid needs to bring the car back that day or she would have it towed. How nice. If it were me I would have let her tow it but like I said, my stepson is a good kid…and he loves his mom and genuinely does not want to do anything really mean to her.
Then she had to reiterate that the kid only wants to come to our house because he wants to spend time with his friends and we let him stay out late and don’t give him chores and responsibilities. That’s funny because she told the kid that we were taking advantage of him because he helped out with my nephews while he stayed with us one week.
Funny — so which is it? Are we too lackadaisical with the kid or are we taking advantage of him by giving him too many responsibilities?
In the course of the ‘conversation’ my husband tells her that the kid bought a new phone. This upsets the mom even more because she automatically jumps to the conclusion that the kid is cutting all ties with her just because he did not leave his number or give her his number right away or even try to talk to her.
The kid never had any intention of cutting ties with his mother! Why would she even think that? My stepson merely wanted to make sure he had a phone (because they had taken it or cut it off before without warning) and he was also busy, running around trying to find a vehicle before his present ride was taken away. In addition, he was trying to give his mom some time to cool off so that maybe they could talk without getting into a shouting match. Poor kid.
In the evening my stepson took his car back…he wanted to drop it off before his mom got home but she was there waiting to ambush him. To me that is what she has been doing all week — ambushing the kid because he won’t do exactly what she wants.
Of course there was shouting. It seemed to be all about her and her feelings. Then she was crying and carrying on. I also heard someone else crying but it was more of a genuine heartbroken type and I think it might have been my stepson’s sister. I feel totally bad for her. See, this woman carries on because she is hurt, and over stuff she started, over drama she created, but she doesn’t think abut anybody else’s feelings. Let me say it again: my stepson’s mother is not thinking of how anyone else feels — not her son, not her daughter, nor even her husband (not to mention me or my husband). It is all about her and what was supposedly done to her and how she is hurt and abused. I do not feel sorry for her! I feel sorry for her family but especially my stepson.
My stepson came out to our car all upset…I made sure he said bye to his sister because her crying (and his) was upsetting to me. He told us that his mom was upset because he left his keys and got a new phone without trying to talk to her. It was a lot of the same old, same old — he didn’t respect their household (and never did), didn’t seem to want to spend time with his family, and was all around insensitive. Grrr. He is a teenage boy! He still has growing up to do… plus children learn from example and if he is insensitive to other’s needs, if that truly a part of his personality (and I am not saying it is), where do you think he learned it from?
His mother tried to make the kid feel sorry for her and guilty, and then she tried embarrassment…she told him she had to have her mother and father and even her sister come over to calm her down because of the way he left his keys and phone. Ridiculous! Isn’t she a big girl? Can’t she calm herself down enough to deal with stuff in a more reasonable manner? Apparently not…but what takes the cake is she started all of this mess, she packed up his belongings, what was the kid to think? Way to blame, and take her mess out on everyone else.
He also told us that she said over and over, “Why can’t you move to an apartment”…WTF???? Why and how would the kid do that? That further bolsters my theory that she isn’t overly concerned that the kid is spending too much time with his friends, it is all about the fact that she perceives the kid is spending too much time with his dad and I.
How could the kid afford an apartment? He only works part time and wants to enjoy the 6 weeks before he goes into the Navy.
Wouldn’t the kid having his own apartment get him into the kind of trouble, like partying, she wants him to avoid?
And does she expect us to turn our back on the kid and not give him a place to live? Unbelievable!
My stepson is one angry and hurt kid right now and he doesn’t deserve it. This whole mess could have been avoided if someone would have been half the wonderful adult and mother they claim to be.
But,
the bottom line: though a kid may not always like his mother (parents) or want to spend much time with her (them) a kid still loves his mother (parents) no matter whatever the fuck is wrong with her (them).
Jacquelyn's Space 