Hallelujah the baby shower I co-hosted is over! That makes 3 parties (2 grad parties and the baby shower) I have hosted in as many months and I am so glad they are all over. The baby shower turned out beautiful, though not without a few hitches along the way but it is done now and despite how dissatisfied my sister-in-law is with my refusal to be her slave, nursemaid, ego stroker (perhaps cheerleader would be a better adjective), and all around ass kisser, all in all it went well. Despite my not making the damn shower my whole life’s purpose.
In addition to those social obligations being over it seems that I may not see my nephews much anymore. Their mother, sadly, is out of jail (jail is the best and most appropriate place for her in my opinion) and my brother seems to think its best that the boys be with their mother, no matter how much of a drunken liar and psychological (physical too – my youngest nephew said his mom bit him) abuser she is. It is convenient for him so I guess that is the most important issue — convenience. I would gladly take my nephews until that POS gets her stuff together — which would be never so I would have the boys indefinitely — but it is not to be. I may have them off and on and it is the back and forth that kills me (not having any say so and not being able to raise them the way I want to — with some morals and discipline) but I will have to put a stop to it eventually. After all, I have a life and my plans don’t include putting it on hold until everyone else gets their shit together when they should have had it together already (an din this case before they had kids). I do feel sorry for my nephews though. They have two very fucked up parents that think of themselves before anyone else.
So I am declaring the rest of the summer for myself — it belongs to me, to do the things I want to do for me (and maybe my husband too). I am done putting my needs and wants on hold to cater to everyone else’s fucked up expectations and fucked up drama filled lives — that is not my purpose in life and how dare people take advantage of me! I am done being taken advantage of and I am going to do what I want from now on! Well, this week I have to right out a Statement of Purpose for the grad program I am applying for (as well as turn in the application) but that is for me, for something I want (to get into the program) so it is good. After that I am going to read and write what I want to my heart’s content. I am also going to have some fun.
Maybe that last paragraph should be my statement of purpose, ha.
Jacquelyn's Space 