Jacquelyn's Space

For the second morning in a row I have heard a bobwhite calling outside. It is a distinct call, almost as if the bird is calling out his name in sing-song. I was always under the impression that the bobwhite was not native to Michigan – they are found more on the East Coast of the United States. At least that is what I read a long time ago. I just looked up the bobwhite on google and found that they can be found in southern Michigan and the call that I am hearing is the bird’s (of the quail species) territorial call. I have only heard that call in Michigan maybe two other times over the 30+ years I have been aware of it.

http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Bobwhite/lifehistory

I learned about the bobwhite when I started reading my mom’s old Trixie Belden books. In it, Trixie and her friend use the bobwhite call as their secret signal and it is the name of their club – they were a mystery solving bunch, kind of like the Scooby Doo crew, hee hee. Because I loved the books so much, and me and my friend Johnny liked to think we were junior detectives, we used the bobwhite call as our signal too. Just hearing that call carries me back to childhood – I spent so many happy hours with Trixie. Now I want to go and dig out all my old Trixie Belden mysteries and read them all over again. Plus I wonder if the bird call is a signal or harbinger of something.

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I did a search on Amazon and they actually have Trixie Belden books on Kindle! Then I discovered they have Betsy-Tacy books on Kindle too! Me an my friend Venice really loved those. Maybe I will spend the summer in the past 🙂

I also did some google searches and found websites dedicated to the books I love.

http://www.trixie-belden.com/index.html

http://www.betsy-tacysociety.org/

I am a stepmother. I belong to some stepmother groups, etc. Sometimes the groups are helpful – it is good to have people to chat with, who have had similar experiences, who can understand what you’ve been through… what you’re going through…women with whom you can identify with . Sometimes the groups can be annoying too. Par example, the last few days the groups are really amping up the Mother’s Day talk. One group asks:

“What would be the MOST IMPORTANT thing that could happen to you on Mother’s Day in a *perfect* stepmom world????”

Grrr. I don’t care about Mother’s Day as a stepmother! I never really have. Now I wouldn’t ever say I don’t want or wouldn’t appreciate attention on the day but I don’t expect it from my stepson and never have. I have always felt like that would be overstepping boundaries. It is nice to be acknowledged but I have always felt that my stepson should spend the day or the thought/sentiment (if not the whole day) on his mother – I am not his mother. Maybe I would feel differently about the day if the situation were different (maybe not) and I have never resented the fact that, yes, mothers get recognition on Mother’s Day and stepmothers, in general, do not. Perhaps there should be a Stepmother Day…maybe there already is…I think there may be.

I probably shouldn’t say this because it may sound snarky but these little holidays just seem like BS to me anyway, and I mean that in the best possible way. I guess I feel that as a mother or a parent I don’t need a special day of recognition…my kids should appreciate me everyday, LOL. Or as a child you should appreciate your parents everyday.Wishful thinking, that! Actually I appreciate just spending time with my stepson and husband, doing fun things.

Overall I just wish stepmom groups wouldn’t talk about it so much or make such a big deal of it. To me, it is what gives stepmoms a bad name…like we all feel we deserve and need to be recognized; like we want the stepkid(s), the biological mother’s child(ren), for our own. That scares the bejesus out bio-moms. Most stepmothers are happy to be in the kids lives and know the stepkids have a mother…and many stepmothers want their own children or have their own, they do not want to appropriate another woman’s children. Now I do believe stepmothers have a place in their stepkid’s lives (or should have) and  it would be nice if there is mutual encouragement of appreciation on both ends but I know from what I have experienced, and all the reading I have done, that is not often the case between mothers and stepmothers.

My perfect Mother’s Day: To have a good day with my mom; to spend time with my husband or even by myself (and/or my favorite baby doll, ha).  If my stepson chooses to recognize me on Mother’s Day it would just be the icing on the cake. On one stepmother board a stepmother wrote, “A positive pregnancy test!” — now that would be something!  🙂

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