I am a stepmother. I belong to some stepmother groups, etc. Sometimes the groups are helpful – it is good to have people to chat with, who have had similar experiences, who can understand what you’ve been through… what you’re going through…women with whom you can identify with . Sometimes the groups can be annoying too. Par example, the last few days the groups are really amping up the Mother’s Day talk. One group asks:
“What would be the MOST IMPORTANT thing that could happen to you on Mother’s Day in a *perfect* stepmom world????”
Grrr. I don’t care about Mother’s Day as a stepmother! I never really have. Now I wouldn’t ever say I don’t want or wouldn’t appreciate attention on the day but I don’t expect it from my stepson and never have. I have always felt like that would be overstepping boundaries. It is nice to be acknowledged but I have always felt that my stepson should spend the day or the thought/sentiment (if not the whole day) on his mother – I am not his mother. Maybe I would feel differently about the day if the situation were different (maybe not) and I have never resented the fact that, yes, mothers get recognition on Mother’s Day and stepmothers, in general, do not. Perhaps there should be a Stepmother Day…maybe there already is…I think there may be.
I probably shouldn’t say this because it may sound snarky but these little holidays just seem like BS to me anyway, and I mean that in the best possible way. I guess I feel that as a mother or a parent I don’t need a special day of recognition…my kids should appreciate me everyday, LOL. Or as a child you should appreciate your parents everyday.Wishful thinking, that! Actually I appreciate just spending time with my stepson and husband, doing fun things.
Overall I just wish stepmom groups wouldn’t talk about it so much or make such a big deal of it. To me, it is what gives stepmoms a bad name…like we all feel we deserve and need to be recognized; like we want the stepkid(s), the biological mother’s child(ren), for our own. That scares the bejesus out bio-moms. Most stepmothers are happy to be in the kids lives and know the stepkids have a mother…and many stepmothers want their own children or have their own, they do not want to appropriate another woman’s children. Now I do believe stepmothers have a place in their stepkid’s lives (or should have) and it would be nice if there is mutual encouragement of appreciation on both ends but I know from what I have experienced, and all the reading I have done, that is not often the case between mothers and stepmothers.
My perfect Mother’s Day: To have a good day with my mom; to spend time with my husband or even by myself (and/or my favorite baby doll, ha). If my stepson chooses to recognize me on Mother’s Day it would just be the icing on the cake. On one stepmother board a stepmother wrote, “A positive pregnancy test!” — now that would be something! 🙂
Jacquelyn's Space 
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