To write or not to write that is the question that has been on my mind lately. And the question of what …
A friend of mine posted a new blog through facebook today about how she needs to start writing regularly. I did not realize (or forgot) that she kept a blog and certainly did not realize that she struggled with wanting to write on a regular basis. This mutual struggle inspired me to get writing today. Writing begets more writing and I have to get into shape for the upcoming school year.
Did you know that writing burns 120 calories an hour? I want to write my ass off but I often lack the time, motivation, proper subject or even the energy. Writing everyday is hard; keeping a blog is hard no matter how mundane the subject matter is. It does take work to write – the more you get into it the more you realize just how much work, how much energy it takes to write something not to mention something worthwhile. Especially something that turns your thoughts into wisdom or your words into a teaching/learning exercise.
Turn your wounds into wisdom. ~ Oprah Winfrey
Or you could change the quote to “Turn your words into wisdom.” That is what writing is to me – turning my thoughts, my words into wisdom so I can go back and read what I wrote and see a truth, see something I have learned from my experience, from thinking about it and putting it to paper.
I sort of belong to a writer’s group started by a friend. I have not gone the last couple of times because I have been in such a creative slump lately. I have not felt like writing. This is really disheartening. I am not sure why but some of it does have to do with the death of my niece. I do love the group (love talking about writing) but hate going with nothing to share.That and I do not know what I want to write about other than my experiences, this retelling of what I have been through, and going back to the quote above, the stuff that has wounded me. Perhaps it is less about knowing what to write than failing to have the confidence and the courage to write it. There are things I want to write about (things I need to write about), that I have written about that may be hurtful to others or may not be received well but it is my truth, my experience. For me, right now, it all has to do with audience and what I want to share and with whom. I could just keep a journal but what fun is that? But I am realizing that the writing I most need to do at this time is not fit for the writer’s group and may not even be fit for this blog. At least not in a first draft, working through stuff type of writing.
Actually I did start a journal but then we get into dividing my time and energy into many different writing projects – it is best to have one place to throw whatever I feel like writing down. That is why I love blogging. This blog is my one stop catch-all for my memories, writing – serious and silly, and whatever strikes my fancy on a particular day.
Overall I feel compelled to share some details of my life, my experiences – the good and the bad. Generally I don’t mind sharing any detail of my life with anyone (I like to live my life as an open book) but I often worry about the reception of what I have written. Can people handle it? These thoughts always bring to mind that line from A Few Good Men, “You can’t handle the truth!” Why do I care, really? My truth is mine and I should be able to write about it without worrying too much about my audience. The sad fact is though I just get junked up with fears about how will I come off as a writer and as a person – obtuse, anger, bitter, feeling sorry for myself, shallow, etc – while I write through what for me is some painful and complicated stuff. Is my writing valid, useful, original enough? I am beginning to realize I need to stop worrying about that. It is humanity that makes writing interesting. I have feelings and I am only human so at times I will be all the things I mentioned and more. Why not write about it? I have always perceived myself to be brave enough to do just that thus the blog. I have never been overly concerned with what people think about me. Lately I have been hiding though. This saddens me – in part I believe it must be my depression. It also has to do with not wanting to offend people, to be fair/impartial/diplomatic in all things. This is next to impossible and shies away from humanity. None of us can be fair, impartial and diplomatic in all things especially our own life and experiences or stuff that is dear to us. I also worry about putting too much out there that may be used against me somehow. Not that I have done anything particularly bad or wrong (or that writing about my experiences is wrong) but the way society and some people are these days you do have to be careful. It brings me down but I am not going to let it anymore and I am not going to let my fears and some people’s backward thinking or small minds run (ruin) my meanderings. Ha
“if something i say or write or type offends you… that’s because its true. you’re just too afraid of your own truths to admit it and own up to it.” ~ stolen from someone’s facebook status.
To write or not to write … definitely in favor of writing but still unsure about what and where.
Jacquelyn's Space 