Jacquelyn's Space

Worn out and old…

I have been so worn out lately. Too many activities and not enough rest. No time for this blog =( We have had something to do every week-end in June – grad parties, weddings, hockey game, charity bowling, plus home improvement projects and I have been working more. UGH!

Not only do I feel wore out, I feel pretty old. Hopefully this will pass. The Wii Fit said my Wii Fit age is 25 so that is awesome but these damn graduation parties and weddings are making me think of all the years that have flown by. My cousin got married – I used to baby sit him! Then to top it all off, my BFF’s daughter, Stephanie,  got married today (actually she has been married for a couple of months but had the celebration today). Seeing her in a wedding dress, doing all the traditional wedding stuff really shocked me and I got a little emotional. How can I be this old? How could all this time have passed so quickly? I remember when Steph was born…now she is married and who knows she may soon have a baby and my BFF will be a Grandma!!!

“The greatest choice we have is to think before we act and then take action toward our life goals every day. Our problems result not only from our lack of action, but from our action without thought.” ~Denis Waitley

“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace, to be real, must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Yuck! I am not having a good day. It overcast today, the kind of day with oppressive steel grey clouds and I am not in the mood for it. It is irritating me and making me sad and angry. Plus the changes in temps that we have had over the week has given me an ear ache AND my stupid allergies are kicking in. Ugh and blah.

I started out the day waking up late which in itself isn’t really bad – I have nothing special to do today.I got up and had to run a couple of errands, which weren’t as bothersome as I thought they would be. I got home from running errands and my husband had spilled red juice on some on my pics I just got of my baby niece and on the cards I got him and my Dad for Father’s Day. He was in the garage when I got home and failed to tell me of the spill so I when I go in the kitchen I am greeted with the mess he half-ass tried to clean up (the damn red juice was down the wall too!!). Needless to say I was pissed and really didn’t have the proper outlet to vent my anger because I know it was just an accident. I cleaned everything up and the damage isn’t too bad but I am having trouble letting go of the anger. I am just over tired and my eyes are itching but I still think something else is bothering me. I think spilling the juice on the cards is a bad omen – I had a feeling in the store that I shouldn’t have bought them. Now this bad feeling won’t leave me. I am hoping that writing about it will banish it. That is all I am going to say about it for now and I think I will turn to happier thoughts. And a shower – maybe that will help my eyes, my allergies and my fatigue. Hopefully the sun will come out today.

“You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got, and remember what you had, always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, just remember life goes on…”

I am always on the lookout for new ideas on what I should do once I get my undergrad degrees. I really need to make some money (though my husband, through words or actions, never makes me feel bad or guilty for not bringing much money into the household I do feel bad/guilty and I am getting tired of feeling this way) so part of me would like to find a halfway decent full-time job to work for a year or more. I just hate the thought of putting off grad school – I ain’t getting any younger. So another part of me really wants to make a push to get in either a Masters or a Doctoral program right away. I am just not sure I am up for it – it is going to take a lot of work to get in. Yikes! Just thinking about it makes me want to faint or something. Just determining exactly what I want to do, which program to pursue is driving me nuts.

Well today I found out about an online Masters program in Industrial/Organizational Psychology I might be interested in. It would be fairly easy to get in and only take 21 months to complete. My new scheme is to work full-time while working on my Masters in I/O Psychology (which the BLS says they are in demand at the Masters level) and then once I get that and save some money I can go for my PhD or PsyD. Aha!! That might be a workable plan. I must do more research.

I am trying to go through my clothes and get the winter and the summer clothes all switched around. I am about ready to say f*ck it and wear bathing suits and moo moos all summer long. AGH! I am too fat! My summer things are mostly too small. Is it really worth getting them out? I already had too many things I didn’t wear – I have tubs of summer clothes and no where to put them. Frustrated!! I have got to get rid of some of these clothes but I think “When I lose weight I will wear these again…” I definitely need to start on an exercise routine and I need to cut back on my eating. Sick of not being able to fit my clothes and I don’t want to buy more! If I lose enough weight then maybe I can get rid of most of this stuff and I know I will feel a whole lot better.

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Yay!! So thankful I got all my clothes switched around finally. Hopefully I will lose some weight by fall so the switch back might be a little easier. I have made a promise to myself to work-out everyday – at least walk on the treadmill while I study for the GRE. Next I must tackle my eating. Always something on the agenda…aaahhhh! I am wearing myself out!