Jacquelyn's Space

Revisited….

It is lovely when a self-titled ‘wonderful mother’ can’t do right by her kids. It is something more than ‘lackadaisical and nonchalant’ and as angry as I get about it, it is not me that ultimately suffers, it is the kid(s) that suffers or is going to suffer.

Even though it is not much of a comforting thought, and perhaps my ‘judging’ may be considered out of line by some, at least I can say that I have always done right by the kid. I have done as much as I could.

Sadly, that is sometimes all a stepmother ever gets – these cold comforts.

I have been experiencing writer’s block and it is extremely frustrating. I have an English class this semester and have to write 4 essays over the course of the semester – so far it has been difficult for me to complete one essay I am happy with. I hate it!! That has been weighing on my mind, stressing me out, making me anxious and crabby.

I like to write, but I find that if my energy is low (which it has been this past week) or there are other things going on it my life like this past week, I cannot write. I like to find a big block of time (alone time preferably) devoted to writing and lately that has been difficult. I don’t have trouble with blog writing because it is just me writing about me, though I have not been writing on here as much as I would like. Plus I keep going back to my old idea – the more I write, try to write everyday no matter what the subject, make it a habit…the easier it will come. I just have to try harder and work on some self-discipline.

I need to change up my writing process or find one for that matter. Like I mentioned I like to have a big block of time, quiet time, in which I can write a whole piece in one sitting. I find it hard to write an essay or paper in a piecemeal fashion. I need to learn to do that though because seldom do I have that big block of quiet time, just small snippets of time.

Part of it is just settling myself to write. Part of it is not getting distracted. Yet another part is having the ideas at the ready. Energy too – energy is a big part of it. I need to find ways to help me get and stay focused as well as ways to drive up my energy. There is much work to be done on this, ugh.

My ‘Spring Break’ basically sucked. You can’t really even call it Spring Break because it is not spring and you don’t really get a break. Sure I didn’t have to go to class, which was nice, but I did have tons of work I could have worked on if I wouldn’t have been distracted by other things.

First off I wanted to relax a little which I did maybe the first two days. I have been working more so I did spend a few more hours at work than I have been used to. And I was nursing a hurt leg – I pulled some calf muscles at work in addition to having bruised knees from falling on my way into work (from the last God-awful blizzard we had).

Then I had to prepare for a job interview, which was tough for me because I have not really had a real job interview for a long time. This was for a job with the Department of Human Services. I had to drive down to Oakland University and Meadow Brook Hall (which is an awesome old mansion), about 50 miles away from where I live, three days in a row. It was kind of cool the way they set the whole thing up – first an informational panel about the job; next day a writing exercise and pre-interview, and then if you were lucky enough (which I was!) to get called back for the third day, a longer, more formal interview. I am sorry to say I don’t feel too confident about my second interview and competition for the DHS jobs is tight – there was easily over a hundred people at the informational meeting and the DHS is doing five or six of these employment drives around the state. But it was a good experience, good practice, and a couple of other agencies (private) were there recruiting so I got my resume out. Plus I found out about a beautiful place I want to check out.

http://www.meadowbrookhall.org/

So that was three days driving hither, dither and yon, and in a tither, LOL. Add on a fourth day because I had to drive down and go to court over a speeding ticket I detailed in another blog. At least that was a success but the driving back an forth and the stress and anxiety I caused myself really took its toll on me. Come Friday evening and Saturday I was not in the mood to do anything but veg out, which I did.

Now it is Sunday and I have nothing to show for my week (well that is how it seems) – no homework done and no motivation to do them. I really want to go do something fun but I know I should work on homework – plus I didn’t make any plans to go anywhere because of said homework. Ugh, I am feeling frustrated!

To look on the bright side I guess I will have a nice check because I worked more hours, I have some job opportunities, didn’t have to pay for my ticket, and I cleaned the house Friday plus spent time with my nephew Alex. I am getting my stuff organized for the back end of this semester, which after I will have my degree in psychology. Yay!