Jacquelyn's Space

I am super anxious today. On edge…

I think it is because my husband and I are thinking about adopting a dog. Those damn commercials got to me – the ASPCA commercials with the sad songs, the ones about how many homeless animals are in need. I always have to turn the channel when those come on because they make me cry.

One day I was sitting in my home office and heard one of those commercials (and I must have been thinking about our old dog we lost in 2009 – still miss him) and it made me go check out the Petfinder website. I quickly found a dog I was interested in and hesitantly sent out an email to inquire. To make a long story short, I was not the first in line to adopt the dog I saw so we did not get him but the organization said they would keep us in mind if another dog like that came through.

Well they contacted me with two possibilities this week. Both dogs look lovely and I can’t choose…I hate to choose. I feel bad taking one over the other. That is why I could never go to the pound and look and I usually avoid sites like petfinder – I want to take all the animals home with me. Of course I can’t, not enough room, money or time. But it looks like we will be getting a new dog soon.

I just get anxious because I want the dog to be happy and comfortable here. I hope he works out. I hope we have enough time to spend with him. I hope he doesn’t get sick…see my mind starts racing with all sorts of thoughts and worry, ANXIETY. Ha, ha. I am so silly.

http://www.fgcas.info/

http://www.petfinder.com/index.html

I am listening to Frederic Chopin’s “Fantasie Impromptu”. I love Chopin. Whenever I listen to Chopin I always regret not learning piano in my youth. I wish I could make my fingers fly over the piano and play this piece. I suppose it is never too late to learn, and I have tried, but I don’t feel I have what it takes to play piano – for one my fingers are too short, LOL. I just thank God that I was given the ears and heart to appreciate this music.

Lots of Chopin’s music reminds me of falling water.

1000 word bad day…

Ugh! As it often happens good is balanced by bad, ying and yang and all that jazz.

Today was a bad day. OK, perhaps I exaggerate. It was not necessarily a bad day but OH so frustrating and also a technologically challenged day… and I am up too damn late!!

I didn’t get good sleep – kept tossing and turning. I couldn’t get comfortable I guess – my damn hips hurt. Too heavy I think.

I get up in the morning and have to get started on homework, all the shite I didn’t get done yesterday. I have administrative stuff to get done for my Research class that was getting in the way of what I really needed to do which is write an essay draft (of at least 1000 words) for my Advanced Composition class, which in turn was getting in the way of what I really wanted to which is eat, drink, blog and basically just fool around and relax. So UGH!

Needless to say I had a frustrating morning struggling with tedious details and not finding the right research articles for my research projects. Damn research article! Damn researchers can’t write a simple one to save their lives, always have to be junking it up with too many concepts. I was looking for some simple sex addiction articles but no, couldn’t find any simple, free ones.

I did not have time to even get to my essay draft so I decided to ‘re-gift’ one I had started last semester but never finished. Well I had that in the back of mind since I found out about this assignment, “I wonder if I can retool my essay ‘What Every Stepmom Wishes Every Biomom Knew’ for this assignment?” I got that essay out, which is way over 1000 words, packed dense with ideas (7 points I want to make, 2 of which I haven’t even had a chance to write on yet let alone an opening and closing statement) and not even finished yet and took that into class with me.

Went to class – it was annoying because it was peer review. The prof wanted to talk all about how to do a proper peer review and place unnatural restrictions on us, like we can’t talk to the author as we review their piece. Why not just have peer review online then? I think I’ll suggest that on her (prof’s) evaluation.

Did I mention I hate peer reviews? I was feeling cantankerous earlier today due to my frustrations and just writing about it is bringing it all back but yes, I hate peer reviews, and yes I am being overly cantankerous about the whole thing. For one thing, many of my classmates cannot understand where I am writing from and aren’t mature enough, or open enough, to comment on MY material. Ha (I don’t take myself too seriously). Then I get stuck (we were grouped in fours) with 2 guys (I hate reading my stuff or writing for men/boys/whatever, and some off the cuff observations – one seemed  ‘alternative’ in a trendy loner sense and the other seemed inflexibly Star Trekkie nerdy) and a skinny young too tan miss and I am like “UGH” yet again. ‘You mean I gotta’ read my long ass paper to these MFers?’ But I take a deep breath and resolve to abide.

I needn’t have worried about having to read my paper much. I was the last to read, and because the prof talked for so long at the start of class, I was only able to read like one page (but it was single spaced as opposed to double) and it was time to go. On a positive note, my group seemed to like my paper and value what I had to say and their suggestions were right along with what I was thinking – I could cut my draft up into several essays and still have enough material for the assignment.

I really like their stuff too. They weren’t so bad after all but I will have at least 3 more chances to make my final determination on that.

I had to hurry and leave school to go pick up my stepson. Truthfully I really didn’t want to today because he is sick and I don’t want to get sick. I would have loved it if he would have kept that shite at his mom’s house – I don’t need to be sick. I hope he gets his ass to the doctor’s soon. If not for the current illness, for another reason I will expound on in another blog entry I intend to title “Lackadaisical and Nonchalant Parenting” in the near future.

So I picked him up, drive home and begin work on more administrative stuff for my Research class, emails and discussion board postings. I also begin installing software on my computers, in an effort to make my life easier. Well the computers had other ideas. That is where the technologically challenging part of my day comes in. My laptop didn’t have enough room for the new software – too much music on it. My desktop kept giving me an error code because of Windows. My husband is bitchin’ about his laptop being slow. Finally I got the new software installed on something. Whew!

I bought the software by Dragon, Naturally Speaking. I just speak and it types what I say. I am hoping that it will help me be more productive. I want to write more, haha. Makes no sense because I will be speaking, but I suppose it will come in handy for note taking, especially when I an trying to breakdown complicated research articles. I also suspect it will come in handy when I just want to free flow vent-a-blog, or journal the events of the day. Maybe I can actually work on 2 papers at once (haha, I must be manic to be thinking this) I tried it out, it really works and is way cool.

HA, so that was my day. Another long day. Stayed up too late, hell to pay tomorrow (today actually) when I am dragging ass.

Well look at that, this blog is a smyte over 1000 words.

Today was a good day. A busy day day. I had a full day of classes of course, but I woke up late and missed my first one. Good thing it was only Chemistry lecture. I believe I got some good work/learning done in my classes today despite running a little behind.

I am proud of myself – I stayed away from the buffet (it was calling my name too, smelling sooo good…taco day I think and usually I can’t resist some tacos, haha) at school and worked out at the gym today, even though my work-out partner was a no show. I did my 20 minutes on the treadmill and then worked it on the weight machines. I was feeling good and got quite a bit of energy from it.

I am finally beginning to like it – well that isn’t right exactly, it is hard to explain but I crave to make this a consistent part of my routine again but do a better job of it. I want to get in there every day. I rented a locker there and decided to keep some toiletries, towels and work out clothes there to make it easier. I even tried to sign up for a class, African Dance, but no one else has signed up for it yet. I am sad because I think it would be a good class, great exercise and fun. I have been interested in that ever since I saw that African Dance  troupe (Kuungana) at Mott.

I stayed after my classes to catch a spoken work artist, Ise Lyfe. He is a poet, writer, rapper, comedian, and public speaker. Today he kicked off his tour “Is Everybody Stupid?” – a man after my own heart, LOL. The show was put on at UM-Flint to cap off the MLK recognition celebrations.

The show was basically Ise showing a PowerPoint of photos he has taken around the country, and some photos from history while he talked. It was really good, super funny but it had a serious message and made you think about what is going on with our culture in this country, think about history and legacy.  I have thought about many of the points he made but he really brought everything into focus. His main message is to think about things – don’t just follow the culture, trends or your peers blindly; just because the majority is i.e., listening to a certain type of music or artist doesn’t necessarily mean it is good. He touched on a lot of different cultural and historical subjects. I loved it! Though it wasn’t really aimed at a middle aged white woman. I wish more people would have went. I thought there would be more students there, and more English majors but sadly a lot of people missed out.

After the show all in attendance got to meet Ise and have a question and answer session. Mainly it was African American students there, and they all had positive things to say about the show but wished that more of their peers would have made the effort to be there because they really could have benefited from the message. It really is a shame. I also wish more of the after discussion could have made it away from our campus concerns and talked more of larger issues such as how to help Flint create a positive image and race relations. All in all though I was not disappointed, I really enjoyed it and I learned a lot from sitting and listening to what everyone had to say. Bonus – we all got free CD’s!

It was a long day though and I was glad to go home to my husband. Now I am about to crash. Forget homework!

http://www.iselyfe.com/

Happy Martin Luther King, JR. Day everyone and kudo’s to everyone who is serving in remembrance of the man. King was  a great man who lost his life too soon, in service to others. I was thinking about what he did – advocated non-violent protests to promote equality for African Americans (and others), and how big of an impact that had on the Civil Rights movement. He truly was a genuis and a blessing to this country.

I stole this quote from a friend’s FB,

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr

I will have to ponder this – words I certainly need to learn to live by.

Another semester beginning …. and recaps …. because it always helps me to look back in order to move forward.

School starts today, yay! Noooo, not yay but I am trying to be positive. I could really use a couple more weeks vacation to relax, work on getting my house and stuff organized, and to write. School is so demanding that I don’t have time to do much else. This semester I am going to try to keep my assignments under control so I can do all those other things – things other than school work.

I was so grouchy yesterday, maybe because I new school was starting today and I only got done half the things I wanted to get done. I will just have to live with it and really keep my New Year’s resolutions to not procrastinate and waste too much time.

Last Semester Recap

Last semester was challenging to say the least. I had 14 credits plus my internship (which is 3 credits and about 10 hours of interning a week) so I was actually carrying 17 credits, or 6 classes which included Wind Symphony. Why the f— did I do that to myself? I learned some lessons during that semester – well I did, but I didn’t because I believe I have about the same load this semester – 17 credits but only 5 classes and no Wind Symphony and no interning. UGH! Anyway, I did well on most of my classes last semester, all but 2 that I had to just let go (It hurts me not to get A’s, ha) and say ‘whatever’. As far as the new semester, I am going to try my hardest to keep everything under control but I am prepared to drop a class if I can’t handle it all – graduation be damned! I can still graduate but I would still have stuff to finish up during Spring semester. I am thinking about getting a Bachelor of Arts anyway and I intend to be on campus in 2011/2012 while I prepare to take my GRE and apply to graduate school.

The highlights of my semester:

I loved my internship. I interned with Dr. D who is PsyD and teaches at UM-Flint as well as does private counseling and grade school (WISC) testing. I was able to sit in on counseling sessions with him and I learned a lot. Dr. D mainly counsels children so I was able to participate in some sessions (I played with the kids) which was fun. The whole experience helped me to realize three things: 1) I really love counseling; it is a job I would enjoy and I wouldn’t even get all sad about people’s problems; 2)Even though I need a lot of training, it is something I can do and excel at; 3) I would love to work with children. Previously I wasn’t sure about working with children because I thought I wouldn’t have the energy for it. While there were some sessions that were draining, a lot of the times I actually gained energy from working with the children.

Dr. D was the highlight of my semester really. Not only did I intern with him I took his class, Intro. to Clinical Psych. I loved that class. Dr. D is a great lecturer and makes stuff fun. I also learned a lot about how to get into grad school and what degree to pursue. Assignments for the class weren’t too demanding – we had to do an intake interview on an Intro to Psych student or a Developmental Psych student. I had to pretend like I was a psychologist and interviewing a client on their first visit. I was a little apprehensive to do this but I loved it. I actually did two interviews and I learned much about what my strengths and weaknesses are. My two ‘clients’ were very interesting too. By saying that I do not mean that they needed psychological help, they were just very interesting people.

I loved playing in Wind Symphony last semester. It was a lot of work though. Every semester that I play I get a little better, but I still think I am not quite up to par yet. I had my first paying gig as a musician, LOL. We play for graduation every semester and this time we got paid to do it. I am going to miss it. I couldn’t fit it in for Winter semester and I will be graduating so I wouldn’t be able to play for that anyway.

I started working out at the gym at school…I made some new friends last semester, and we had a lot of fun… I am also starting to develop relationships with the psych faculty at school so I am excited about that. I am hoping these highlights from last semester will transfer to the new one.

Vacation Recap

I should say Christmas break because it really wasn’t a vacation. I had exams right up until December 22, and then I had to scramble to get ready for Christmas. Luckily I had done the bulk of my Christmas shopping early.

Christmas was good but hardly relaxing, going hither and yon. Plus over break I was trying to get my house in order so in addition to Christmas decor and wrapping paper all over the house, I either had books or clothes all over the place too (I picked up for Christmas eve, Christmas Day and New Years, of course, haha). I had wanted to get a lot of reading and writing done but I didn’t even get to it.

This Christmas I even got to go back to Greenfield Village’s Holiday Nights. I was excited about that, I hadn’t been in a couple (2 maybe even three years, yikes) of years. I hate to miss it because that event does a really good job of making a person think about what the holidays should be about. My husband got us a membership for Christmas. I love it there so much, and this winter I want to make time to go to the Henry Ford museum.

New Years Eve my husband and I had some family and friends over. It was fun but kind of low-key. Everybody, I mean all the adults, are just wore out. The kids on the other hand, were running around and having a blast playing wii, foosball, and The Sims. I went and partied with the kids for a while after midnight and they actually got me all energized. I thought to myself, “I need to hang out with these youngins more often” LOL. It kind of goes along with what I found out about working with kids in my internship.

Anyway, over break I did get some stuff accomplished, had some fun, wasted some time doing things I enjoy, and relaxed a little.

Last and Least

Oh, my husband had to go to court over a child custody matter. It is a long story I will try to break down. I am glad it is over though, especially before the new semester started because it was just an annoying and inconvenient waste of time over something totally stupid and blown out of proportion by my husband’s dumb ex. How do you like that for a summary?

Actually I am going to finish this story up in my StepMom blog:

Just A Stepmom

http://stepmomj.wordpress.com/

“You have to believe in yourself

when no one else does.

That’s what makes you a winner.”

– Venus Williams