Jacquelyn's Space

“Lackadaisical and Nonchalant”

I just love that – my boss at the Census had such a way with words. “What kind of lackadaisical and nonchalant parenting is that?” That is what that old boss, a very intelligent, wise, active woman of some years and mother of a large family, exclaimed one June day after I told her the story of a kid. This kid had failed a class (not his first either), and needed to take summer school which his mom was supposed to sign him up for and arrange payment. Apparently the mom forgot to sign him up even after being reminded by both the kid and his father, her ex-husband. Not to mention, the kid was still allowed to drive his car around and get a job before he had proven he could handle the responsibility of school, i.e. passing classes, consistently making grades of C or better.

“What of consequences?” different people (including a counselor I talk to) asked when told of the situation. ‘How would the kid learn from his mistakes? ‘How would he learn about priorities and consequences?’ I didn’t really know what to say but ‘I don’t know, not from his mom I guess.’

“Lackadaisical and Nonchalant”

Those words from June stayed with me – they ring in my head when I hear  of  parenting situations where a parent has failed their kid, such as excuses of “Mom forgot” or any other excuses for that matter. This same kid had another problem (and failed another class) almost 2 months ago now, in which he did finally feel consequences of his actions though I feel this all could have been prevented had mom not been “lackadaisical and nonchalant” in many other ways previously. I suppose that is a blog for another day. What is of interest is this kid surprisingly asked to go to counseling.

So it has been almost 2 months. He has yet to go to the doctor because of forgetfulness and poor planning on his mother’s part. I am not certain if the kid has reminded his mom that he wants to go, but I do know the kid’s father has reminded her and been pretty much blown off like ex-husbands often are. I believe the kid is beginning to realize that it might not be that important to his mom, that he might not be that important to his mom, which is sad. I assume the mom doesn’t really want the kid to go to counseling at all, but of course that is my opinion. Or perhaps this kid’s needs are not her top priority, not even close. It does make a person wonder.

What I do know is if it were my kid, my biological kid, I would have had him to a counselor within the first week of his asking – at least before a month had passed. I could have too.

Last night was Movie Night for UM-Flint students at the local movie house. I got a free movie ticket (YAY!) so me, my husband and stepson went and saw The Rite.

We all liked the movie, it was pretty good. It was about a young man who signed on to become a Catholic priest to get away from his father and the family business as well as for a ‘free’ college education. Once his initial undergrad degree is completed and he is ready to move on with his life without becoming a priest, he is coerced into going to Rome to learn the rite of exorcism. In Rome he meets a rather unorthodox priest who is an expert at the rite.

Spooky but not as scary as I thought it would be. Supposedly the movie is based on a true story. Interesting – makes me want to do more research.

The movie does make you think about evil and belief in demons and the devil. A long time ago I decided not to believe in demons and the devil but this movie sort of made me question that belief, ha.

Then I got to thinking about my own ‘demons’ I need to exorcise. I have some, that and so old haunts hanging around that I need to get rid of. Me being me the only way I feel I can do that is to write about them. Get them out into physical form, perhaps put them to use for the good of others, or if not toss them away, out of me, into the trash where they belong.

I am excited. I just spoke with a reporter from USA Today (through StepMom Magazine) about money issues and step-families so I may be quoted in an article in that publication. I gave him a  lot of good information so I hope he uses it. It got me all fired up – now I wanna’ write about it now….I feel an essay or an article coming on.

The reporter actually wanted to get a picture of me, my husband, and my stepson but I had to decline – first of all because I look like crap, second because I am sure my husband would have gotten mucho negative feedback from a certain quarter.

Today at school I ran into my friend Jeanette. She is a history major and was telling me all about a class she is taking, Southern Colonial History. It sounded really interesting when she first told me she was taking it this semester and I really wanted to take it but I couldn’t fit in in (plus I am not a history major but I do love history).

The class is turning out to be extremely interesting for her. The instructor had them read a book, The Shipwreck That Saved Jamestown, and write paper on it. The instructor even had the author of the book come in and give a lecture. Jeanette, like me, needs to look at the big picture instead of having a narrow focus or just concentrating on a small incident so she started doing some research. A bunch of extra research really. She is finding all kinds of interesting things about the founding of the colonies and what was going on during that time. She was telling me of all the discrepancies she has uncovered in the original story (not necessarily the book she has to write about) of the founding of the colonies. Some of them I had heard of before or had kind of surmised for myself but it was a very interesting discussion which led to talking of the connection between Shakespeare and the story of Jamestown. Supposedly Shakespeare wrote his play, The Tempest, based on this whole shipwreck/Jamestown story. Now I wanna’ know more! I told Jeanette to keep me updated on her discoveries.

So cool!! I love talking with Jeanette, we always have such interesting conversations but…

As I was sitting there talking with Jeanette, I was somewhat jealous because I want to take that class, I want to do that kind of research,  make connections and learn about history in depth. I was jealous of her scholarship. It seems I get focused on completing assignments and memorizing theories and rules and I often forget to be a scholar, to take part in the joy and wonder of discovery. Perhaps part of it is that I am a psychology major and there is so much to learn, memorize, and so many rules to follow that I have just gotten bogged down. Oh there is research but so much of it is based on stats (numbers) and research design, UGH!

Part of it is my lack of energy (Damn CFS!) and part of it is being pulled in too many directions – student, wife, step-mother, daughter, aunt, and friend. Go here, go there, got this to do, pick up this, the house is a mess, paper due, on and on and on…. It is hard for me to do everything that is expected of me let alone what I want to do. I don’t often have the time to extra research I want to do. And I squander time. For shame. I need to quit that and remember to feed my hunger for knowledge, (haha) – to feed my inner scholar so to speak.

I’ve had a couple of lovely days despite the weather. Yesterday I had lunch with a chum at school and we had an excellent conversation. I picked up my stepson and he, his father and I had a nice evening at home, if rather relaxed. We all had a good conversation about old times at dinner. That was nice.

Today, my school day went by quickly as it usually does because Tuesday and Thursdays are jam packed with classes. All my classes are going well so far and I don’t feel overwhelmed even though I have 5 (17 credits!). My research project for psychology is coming together quite nicely. Like last semester it is a group project and we are working on obesity, but this semester we actually get to run our experiment. I love my group too – everyone gets stuff done (hard-workers!) and we all work well together.

I had a test in Bio-psychology today and I did really well, only 2 wrong (A for me Yay!). I didn’t even write about the test before I took it, ha. I didn’t really need to – I wasn’t super worried about this test. The professor is a really good teacher and she cares. Luckily I have her for both Bio-psych and my Advanced Research and Writing in Psych class. I love her.

Now I get to spend the evening with my wonderful husband.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. — Ernest Ben

Love this quote, stole it from a friend on facebook. Sums it up pretty well. To me politics is all about image  – trying to look important or the things you care about/want or are working on as important even though they are not OR just causing drama to get noticed – as well as agenda these days…