Well I have to get this out there. I dislike very few people, really….once I am able to talk to a person on a one on one basis I am able to find some common ground with them. The only reason I ever feel dislike (or some would say animosity) towards a person is when they hurt someone I love repeatedly and/or also constantly lie and manipulate just to get their way in things. That is wrong and that type of person can never be trusted, you know what I mean? Jealousy never enters in my like or dislike for a person. I am usually able to overcome my own foibles in order to foster good relationships with people. However there are a few people that I do dislike for the reasons I mentioned above – they have tried to hurt someone I love (more than once), they have lied (more than once), and they manipulate situations solely for their own benefit not much thinking of others.
My husband’s ex-wife is such a one as this. She once told her son I disliked her or was mad at her because I was ‘just jealous’ of her (because I wanted what she had – him!). No, I simply dislike her becuase of the way she treats my husband, the father of her child. I dislike her because by treating the father of her child badly, in addition to telling numerous lies to Lord only knows how many people about my husband and me too, plus saying wholly inappropriate things about me and my husband to her child (our child), she does her own son (children) a great disservice. Truly. This disturbs me. Every time she lies and I find out about it, or she says something bad to my stepson about us it just brings up all the past ills and wrongs she has done. This fosters a great dislike in me for her and makes me want to combat this any way I can. The only way I know how is to write out what I am feeling. So today I am just sayin…just putting it out there – I never dislike someone simply because of jealousy or my own judgment/prejudices. I form dislikes of people based on my experiences with them and their own bad, bad behavior.
To add to my little explanation of my dislike for this woman: not only has she treated my husband badly, lied to us and about us, etc. she always seems to be trying to do whatever she can to take parenting time away from us. It seems every time summer rolls around she is fighting us about spending any time (over and above the every other week-end) with our stepson in the summer. That is what spurred this little blog – another instance of her ‘screwing’ us out of time for no good reason. There is not much I can do about it but like I said it helps for me to write (and vent through writing). It is also my hope that the more I write about my experiences as a stepmother, the more I write out the story of my husbands dealings with his ex perhaps I will find a way to help someone else who is experiencing the same problems.
So, Im just sayin’ I have reasons for my dislike and a reason for writing about it. She has tried to blame my dislike on something within me (deflect the blame away from her – typical I guess) but my dislike for her lies solely in her behavior and treatment of people I love and care about. If I have to write out all instances I can remember of what made me dislike her I will because what she has done, what she does, is wrong, and hurtful and I am not going to let her sweep it under the rug, forget about it, pretend it never happened or try to blame it on someone else. I am the type of person who believes that by calling a person out on their bad behavior just might eventually bring about a change or at least let the offender know that what they are doing is unacceptable and is not going to be taken lying down. Plus things that she has done and does often hurts her own son and that is something I cannot forgive or forget.
I am glad I did it! Now I just need through the next year. It is going to be tough because I still want to work on my second degree in addition to doing an internship or two (I really want to do another internship at a school or something; I have an idea in mind but I don’t want to write about it just yet), and everything else I do on top of it. I am working on better time management skills to say the least. 
Also, I found out I may have more work with the Census even though my initial job is winding down. I hope so because I really do enjoy the work. I have met so many lovely people working for the Census, not to mention being able to get out and see different parts of the county I live in. 
Keeping a blog does help my writing and helps me to keep ideas flowing – well it helps me remember ideas and also what I was feeling, thinking at any given tiime. It is overwhelming at times though because I have so many thoughts running through my head, so many things I want to write about but not enough time in the day. It really stinks because like I touched on, writing does clarify a lot of things for me and it helps me relieve the anxiety and stress I sometimes feel. I really just need to devote a certain time everyday to writing and stick to it. I will be taking a couple of writing classes in the fall so getting the habit now would be a good thing. I think at this point I need to make a vow to myself to actively work on my writing skills. 
Jacquelyn's Space 