I don’t know – you tell me. What are you thinking?

Also, why do some parents think that teenagers are grown and can be left to their own devices? Sometimes I think that some parents want to think their teen is grown up so they don’t have to deal with issues or can spend more time on what they, the parent, want to do (or just be involved in the fun stuff their child is doing – COP OUT). That is lax parenting.

My thoughts are that teens are not grown up yet and still need guidance (this may be the time they need the most parenting), and yes sometimes they have to be told they cannot do stuff. Especially when they are getting bad grades (bad grades in my book is anything below a C-). There is no excuse! Especially when their grades have been less than stellar for years and nothing (or very little has been done about it). Academics need to be made (need to be seen as important by the teen, by both words and example) a priority. This means schoolwork, in class work, comes before all other extracurricular activities (whether they are school sanctioned or other activities). Talking to a teen about grades is all very well and good, letting them know your displeasure, and you can talk to you’re blue in the face and they will say they understand and will do better yet the bottom line is you need to follow up all the talk with some action – either the kid has to do better in school, like he has been saying he had been or wants to do or some of his activities have to go until he does better in school. A teen needs to know parents mean business and the only way to get through to them sometimes is to take something away that they dearly want to do or make them work to get in the first place.

Of course it is better to make them work to get something they want before they actually get the privilege rather than take something away but sometimes, as in the case of lax parenting, parents have already given their teen what they wanted – independence, the ability to participate in any or all activities they want to. Then when the teen gets bad grades they (both parent and teen) want to make excuses and not do what needs to be done to correct the issue. What do you think is going to happen in the future? The teen is just going to miraculously improve his grades without guidance from anybody? Well wouldn’t that be wonderful but unlikely to happen. No, most likely, if nothing is done about the bad grades, the teen will continue to flunk classes and get further and further behind, especially if he is allowed to participate in numerous extracurriculars. That is why the teen should be getting decent grades before he is allowed to participate in extracurricular activities – make him earn it so he knows what it takes to keep it.

Does this make sense? Or is it better just to let your teen do what he wants and hope and pray for the best? Hope that he has the wisdom to make hard choices, to show some restraint, put academics first, and have the time management skills of an adult. Well you know my thoughts on the matter.

I learned this the hard way. Truth to tell, I still struggle with managing my time and activities. I was given all the independence I wanted as a teen. I was able to participate in any extracurriculars I wanted to, which really wasn’t that much. I did drama and choir outside of school hours. I was also in band but I was not in Marching or Jazz bands, so there was very little outside of school work. I had a job. I got bad grades, got behind and eventually quit high school. Truthfully, it wasn’t just participating in the extracurriculars that led to me getting bad grades but that was part of it. I only participated in 3 extra activities – not 4 to 5 or more. It would have helped if someone would have stepped in and did something to make me see I had to make academics (no matter how boring or tedious, no matter how stupid and irrelevant I thought some subjects were) a priority. That I had to put some importance on things that had to be done to get by (this I hate – who doesn’t hate jumping through hoops just to get a diploma? Or doing things they could care less about? But it is a part of life) rather that just placing importance on the things I really wanted to do. So if my parents had made me earn the right to participate in the activities or taken them away when I started failing high school, I might have learned to prioritize, and that there were things I had to do first before I got to do the things I really wanted. I have seen this work with other kids. A firm and guiding hand from the parents usually results in better academic performance and a kid who knows how to manage his time and activities. If that has been lacking then the kid will not learn and will be like me – he will end up learning the hard way or may never learn it. Is that what parents want?