I have a very good friend – I will call her Pat. Lately she has been annoyed by her son’s stepmother – I’ll call the son Jon and the stepmom, Dee. Jon recently graduated high school and joined the armed forces. Well my friend Pat is annoyed with a lot of her family and also her son’s father and stepmother. Especially with them because Pat says that they always talked down about Jon’s idea of enlisting, saying that he could/would never do it, can’t handle it, etc. Now it seems to her that they are jumping on his band wagon, acting like they have been supportive all along. I told her that as far as that goes, Jon knows who has been behind him and who has not supported him all along, right?
Well she is really annoyed with the stepmom, Dee because she is always talking about how proud she is of ‘her’ son and goes on and on about how he joined the armed services. Pat says Jon does not even like his stepmom (that made me kind of sad). I guess Dee has put a lot of crap on her myspace about she is a proud soldier mom and even wrote a blog about that kind of stuff. Yeah, that would annoy me too. Even though I am a stepmom, I think you should be careful about claiming another woman’s child as yours. I do think that Dee crossed the line at putting all that kind of stuff up on her myspace. I guess I feel that, even if she considers Jon as her own and is very proud of him, out of respect for Pat she should tone it down a bit. Another thing that bugged me about Dee is I guess she told Pat one time that she should get Jon and his sister on Mother’s Day sometimes because she was their mother too. When Pat told me that I was like, “UM, NO! You are the mother and your kids should be with you on Mother’s Day, at least until they are 18 or so. Dee needs to back off and realize that and respect that.” I mean, geez, the nerve of her. I would never expect my stepson to spend Mother’s Day with me. He should be with his mother. Sure it is nice to be recognized on that day for your efforts as a stepmom but I don’t think it should be expected or seen as an absolute right. Well I basically told Pat not to sweat it – stop going over and looking at Dee’s myspace if it bugs her that much. Pat knows the truth and Jon knows the truth so why should all this nonsense bother her?
This is kind of a conflict for me, to tell the truth. I can see both sides. In my opinion, and this may be a little harsh, Pat as a woman who left her husband (he was abusive) and kids (she didn’t want to uproot them from their home and school) for another man, should been prepared for the possibility that there would be another woman, another mother figure in her kid’s lives. It is hard, I know. Especially when all parties involved can’t get along with each other. (Well to me it seems they get along better than most – I guess that took some time though. Both sets of parents did co-host Jon’s graduation party. That one intrigued me, after listening to all the bad stuff that has gone on between the Pat and her ex-husband.) But like I said in the above paragraph, stepmoms should be careful about claiming their stepkids as their own. That too is hard, because you don’t want your stepkid to feel unloved or not part of the family. I suggested that to Pat, that maybe Dee claimed Jon as her own because she was just used to trying to make him feel like part of the family- that she doesn’t distinguish between her own son and her husband’s (Pat’s) kids. Pat wasn’t having it. What more can be done? Pat is not an insecure person so I all I can do is tell her that as long as she and Jon and all those that care about her know what is up – know the truth, then that is all that matters. I mean Jon has already told his mother that he does not even really like his stepmom (I kind of feel bad for Dee but she has done her share of mean things to Pat). Let the stepmom make a fool of herself over a kid that could really care less about her.
Another thing, how likely is it that Dee is just putting stuff all over her Myspace to A)make herself look good, or B)is insecure about her relationship with Jon and wants to try to get closer to her stepson, or C) knows that what she has on her myspace really bugs Pat so she goes overboard with it, just to push Pat’s buttons (there are people like that)? I told Pat that Dee may just be trying to annoy her. Pat is thinking about that one, but overall she is just annoyed. I guess I did all I could do – just lend an ear and offer my perspective.
Oh boy, this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I have a lot to say about being a stepmother, as well as a lot to learn about the topic and how we all cope – both parents and stepparents – within blended families.
Step-parenting is a subject that has many sides and viewpoints, many, many stories and experiences. It is safe to say it is a complex topic with many different issues and sides. I have made kind of a study of the topic since I am a stepmother and I plan on going into psychology and will more than likely have to deal with these issues quite a bit. I will have to do more writing on this.
Yeah, who knows who reads your blogs – it could be anybody. 
It could be someone trying to cause you trouble (or someone who is curious and/or nosy – that would be my kind of person) so I guess you should never reveal more than you want to deal with. I like lead my life like an open book. I try not to keep too many secrets (like everyone I have at least one or two) or tell lies so I don’t have to go around scared about how people may see me or find out about me. 
AND I still haven’t ordered any wedding pics! I need to get to it. Our walls are looking bare. 
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